Being so tight with money?

For context I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, we live together and split the rent / bills 50/50. Our take home pay is very similar and I have an extra outgoing of my car finance which he does not. We effectively keep our finances completely separate, I worry how this will work long term as he has said he does not want to share finances at all as he has more savings.

Anyway the main issue just now is 1) he has bought me dinner once in 4 years, for my 30th birthday present. I took him on a foreign holiday and presents for his 30th. I have paid for nights away and meals for us several times when he has said he can't afford it as I wanted to treat him. I don't do this often any more as it's never been reciprocated 2) we split all food shops evenly but usually do our own meals during the week as I am dieting. He just stood for half an hour itemising up every item on the food shops over the weekend to come to the point that I owe him £2.50. Note that he will charge me half of the food we share but he would likely eat 2/3 of the meal. AIBU to be tired of this? It feels so tight , do other people itemise everything and charge their partner almost to the penny?!

Thanks, I asked him outright last night and he said he doesn't trust that I'm not trying to benefit from him and he feels he needs to protect his money which just says it all . The never paying for dinner is put down to the cost of living crisis apparently and said we could go out more if I wasn't always out with friends... which its complete bullshit as I'm only out with them because we never go anywhere. Just gaslighting and turning it round on me. The conversation last night was beneficial as it's confirmed that we are just not on the same page. I didn't end things as didn't think it was a good idea at midnight after half a bottle of wine but I'm going to speak to family tonight and figure it out.

Sounds more like an aggy room mate than a partner. Do NOT have children with him could you imagine! Me and my husband have been together 10 years. He’s always paid for everything. His wages go into the joint account (as do mine although I am part time and earn a hell of a lot less) I can do what I please and buy myself (not that I do really) him and the kids whatever we want without asking or owing one another. He doesn’t care about it. He’s happy with us being happy

Thanks, I asked him outright last night and he said he doesn't trust that I'm not trying to benefit from him and he feels he needs to protect his money which just says it all . The never paying for dinner is put down to the cost of living crisis apparently and said we could go out more if I wasn't always out with friends... which its complete bullshit as I'm only out with them because we never go anywhere. Just gaslighting and turning it round on me. The conversation last night was beneficial as it's confirmed that we are just not on the same page. I didn't end things as didn't think it was a good idea at midnight after half a bottle of wine but I'm going to speak to family tonight and figure it out.

3 Ghosts? 🤨

I think he may be visited by 3 ghosts in the near future!!! Get out now. x

I have a friend in a long term relationship like this. They would go food shopping and he would keep a tab of anything going in the trolley that he wasn't going to eat/use and ask her to cover that - and I'm talking 50p for paracetamol or £1 for soap.

Now they're in a position where they have a child, he wanted to avoid using childcare where possible but didn't want to cut back on hours so she's gone part time. He's used her being home as a support for him working more hours and getting promoted so he now earns 3 or 4 times her PT salary but he's continued insisting everything is split 50/50.

She's miserable and stuck. He's an arse.

OP your 'partner' (and I use that term lightly) is being awful. I'd start looking into life alone tbh - he's sucking the joy out of life and lying. If he earns the same as you and has savings, he's got money to treat you here and there, he just doesn't want to.

Thanks, I asked him outright last night and he said he doesn't trust that I'm not trying to benefit from him and he feels he needs to protect his money which just says it all . The never paying for dinner is put down to the cost of living crisis apparently and said we could go out more if I wasn't always out with friends... which its complete bullshit as I'm only out with them because we never go anywhere. Just gaslighting and turning it round on me. The conversation last night was beneficial as it's confirmed that we are just not on the same page. I didn't end things as didn't think it was a good idea at midnight after half a bottle of wine but I'm going to speak to family tonight and figure it out.

That's a trait I hate and I could NEVER be I a relationship with someone like this.

I would have got rid of him the VERY first time I saw any signs of this.

To me, being in a relationship is about sharing and caring for each other.

My husband and I have a joint account that all our money goes into. We just buy what we want from that and never have a discussion about who has spent more!

Are you going to actually do anything about iit and leave instead of going on and on about what you've recorded, and remembered etc etc?

This is just another of countless posts here about women complaining about men they shouldn't be with in the first place, and doing absolutely nothing about it part from sit on Mumsnet and get temporary validation.

I had an ex like this OP. It's beyond being careful with money, it's sheer obsessive control and tightness.

I put up with me driving us about and petrol costs, paying for meals out etc before I cottoned on when he wasn't funding the bill, he'd suddenly be ravenously hungry and order 3 courses. Day trips out were packed lunches, if he brought an item of more monetary value he would expect me to give him the difference even if this was pence. Actually tried arguing that the items Idbroughr could be sourced at a cheaper price than I'd bought so that was my poor planning. The tipping point came 2 months on the bounce of me buying in wine / nice meal for a weekend night. Both on limited incomes but enough not to be in hardship. He never contributed a penny or said thank you. Drank all the wine and called me stingy for not bringing a second bottle. I'd decided to test what he did when I turned up empty handed. He complained, questioned what I'd spent my money on that week (cheek!), made a big song and dance he'd have to cook "his food". Cooked 1 frozen pizza which I was allowed 1 small slice. Insisted he could only spare me a glass of tap water. Ended the evening with him addressing that he would be happy to wait until I collected the meal next week to pick up a replacement pizza for the one we'd eaten. Only fair considering he had host costs...turns out he'd estimated the one night a week I went to his incurred extra water meter costs from using the toilet, extra electric from watching a film rather than tv programme and "wear and tear" costs from extra sitting on the sofa/ walking on the carpet....
It gave me the royal ick and I ended things shortly after. Not before, I might add, going for a meal out knowing full well I had "accidentally" left my purse in another bag. The look on his face was priceless. I would highly commend this as a strategy as recompense for his hide and seek games with the butter alone OP - that in isolation is outlandishly tight behaviour

It's all so transactional 😥

DH and I have a single joint account which everything goes into and comes out of, because we are a team and we trust each other.