Being so tight with money?

Onwards and upwards. We are all rooting for you. Please let us know how it goes. He is likely to go into overdrive when you are separating your stuff into what belongs to who and who paid for what etc. Don't let this get to you just look at the bigger picture as you will only stress yourself otherwise. Good luck.

When the day comes that you do walk away, please leave him his precious £2.50; preferably in one pence pieces

@Rockrose94 I hope you're going to tell him exactly what you think of him and what a stingy git he is when you leave. Please let us know how it goes. Good luck.

My ex complained about how much water I put in the kettle too. I’d drive 2 hours to see him at the weekend and took food & drink. The heating was never on, I wore my coat. He had the temerity to say he was thinking about charging me for electricity while I stayed with him. I worked out with travel, food & paying for nights out I was down about £125-£150 a month. He never once paid for a coffee out. He’d choose steak if he knew I was paying. The man paid £450 a month for his l leased BMW. In the end I realised I was subsidising his lifestyle and left him. Vile man.

You've set the scene with your conversation last night and it may take you time to find another place and move out.

So my suggestion would be to say to you P (not so D) - look we have different views on money so from now on, we'll each pay our own way separately food-wise and when we go out. Buy your own food shopping, don't buy together and then split. Same if you go out - you order and ask for a separate bill from the waiting staff. That way you can drink as much and as fast as you like. Oh and if he wants food from your plate - he pays towards it!

Good luck OP - I appreciate this that all been a bit of a shock these last few days. But if sounds like you have a sensible approach to life, so I'm sure you'll be fine

Well done @Rockrose94 and good luck speaking to your family tonight! You can do it.

I knew someone years ago whose husband was like this. Her parents paid for a lot of things for them, they bought her a dishwasher but he didn't let her use it. also complained about how much water she put in the kettle. Acted as though they had no money. She was a stay at home mum and cooked everything from scratch. He was really controlling and treated her like a child, but she loved him and put up with it.

Poor woman! I couldn't cope. I cane home from work once to find he went out and locked the heating bit up! So I couldn't put it on. I could use has fire he left a note saying I'm not to touch it. He was obsessed. This was the 90'sa It was a big house. A lovely house , needed s bit of updating but it was so cold and unbearable. I could not stay with him. Plus he had a victim mentality, and moaned about everything. There was no joy in him. We were in our early 20's! No renting. Not deposit, no mortgage and I told him he was lucky to have been left a house! Some people are never satisfied.

You had a very lucky escape.

I worked with a woman who actually married a man like this. It was really odd because at work she was a very tough manager, a qualified accountant - but turned into a simpering tradwife whenever her husband was around. She once came into work with influenza (thanks for that 🙄) in January because it was warmer to be in the office as her husband "didn't allow" her to have the heating on at home during the day - only 2 hours 6.30-8.30pm.

Tight and lacking in generosity. Does he realise he's like this???

I left an many many years ago because he wouldn't put the heating on, height of winter, most northerly part of the UK, so hardly mild. moaned about everything and even his mum told him he should he happy to be mortgage free. He Inherited a big house, 4 bedrooms detached, driveway. Massive garden. Lovely quiet area. I could see a miserable future. He wasn't tight as before moving in he soent money in me, he was very charming. He has deep rooted issues about money and will sucked the joy out of me . He left me to freeze in the winter and I paid him board money and bought food. He has never married and email me not long ago to say I was his best girlfriend and how he wished things had turned out differently. He will be in mid 50's now. Apparentl, his dad was the same, freezing house and never spent money. His parents divorced. His mum re married. I can't see a happy future with this one

Someone has their head screwed on straight and definitely will never be suffering a butter or wine shortage. Great post!

I think one of those Tradwives from the US has posted 😮

My Time Machine has worked - I’m back in 1954

Dear god..........................

😂

😂

Sounds like you have low self esteem. Man should pay for everything since you start dating so gets used to take care of his woman and knows how much money he needs to have a family. When you have children and can’t work because of maternity leave, there will a period in your lives when he has to buy everything so better to teach him that from early days. As a woman I have so many things to buy, paying for the meal or doing 50/50 is offensive.
Dating for 4 years without proposal is also very wasteful for woman. But at least you didn’t make a mistake and didn’t married him.

Well he has admitted that he doesn't trust you and thinks you're on the make. All while patting his tummy because he's benefited by eating 17% more food at every meal than he's entitled to. Realistically, I think measuring what people eat and drink is pretty gross but when he's itemising the shopping bill and measuring the MLS I would find it difficult not to be petty.

I would end the relationship. But if your not ready to do that then only buy your own food, wine and toiletries. I'd be inclined to put away the laundry /dishwasher tablets as well. Only wash your own clothes. Only buy gifts for your friends and family. If you eat out only order what your going to eat don't let him eat your leftovers unless he pays for them .

I hppe your family talk is helpful and I do really hope you can find the strength to leave. From lots of the posts it sounds like these types of men get worse and worse and your life would get more and more miserable.

This is interesting and could well be a huge part of his ugly thinking.

Delighted to read OP will be speaking to family tonight.
Do not hold back.

Have a holiday, not a hole. Auto predict spell check sabotaging my prose.

He's a selfish pig. This will get worse with age. Test him by not buying him a birthday or Christmas present. Have a hole with a friend, not him. I have an uncle like this who was mean to the penny. His family holidays were never more than a week in a caravan at the cheapest possible site within 50 miles of home to save petrol money and wear and tear on the car. Now 80 years old, suffering cancer, with a big stash of money that his poor suffering wife and offspring can't wait to get their hands on. He will waste your life as well as his own.

Hey OP. I hit you are being unreasonable, but this is in terms of staying with this man. His behaviour is truly awful and he is showing you who he is. I would rather be on my own than live like that.
I don't say this lightly but you really need to put yourself first and LTB. Hugs xx