Being so tight with money?

I was just going to say this, get your important stuff out.
He will fight for every last teaspoon

MIL married a mean man who kept a petrol lig book and despised extravagance, like buying the DC nice presents at Christmas, general treats, bunch of flowers, etc. MIL recounts tales of stretching an egg round 4 by making French Toast and justified due to the fact he grew up in poverty. His older brothers weren't like it. I was once told suggesting we got a G&T whilst waiting for fish and chips to takeaway at the local pub was "very extravagant". It was all excused by their poor upbringings.

Their DC remember the pudding for 4 always being stretched to serve five, always being a little bit hungry, sharing an ice cream cornet between three and taking turns for a lick. It was miserable.

He was made redundant shortly after his 50th birthday and did fuck all but count pennies whilst MIL worked for another 15 years and did all the housework. The house was never decorated the gas board and leccy board condemned the utilities and SIL2 suggested we whipped round to meet the £25k bill.

He died suddenly a year later. There was over £1 million in the bank. MIL too old to change her ways and too tight to pay privately for cataracts. She finally had her nhs pre-op appointment this week and has been told she is going blind due to dry macular degeneration. The cataract op might help a bit but not much.

Both SILs went to live abroad after university and have miserable memories and rarely visit the UK.

I just tell the story @Rockrose94 to help you realise what you are escaping. You deserve a better life.

So he knows exactly what he's doing.

It's like covert narcissism - 'behaves' in public but treats you like this behind closed doors.

Please, please, please leave him.

I hope you printed it out to use as toilet paper

I'm glad you're planning to leave him, the whole situation sounds absurd and he sounds a bit thick as well as selfish and rude. If he's going to quibble over £2.50 or the 'tide mark' on the wine bottle, where does it end? Should you weigh all the groceries and divide them exactly in half and then sell him back the extra 250g of mince he eats? If he 'can't afford' meals or nights away but has a load of savings you must feel like a bit of a mug.

While he comes across as a bit of a dickhead, ultimately you have different core values and expectations, so that suggests you don't have a happy long term future together. Get out now, and in future relationships don't forget core shared values are really vital for healthy partnerships.

Hopefully the ghosts of his past, present and future will visit him, once you’ve left him that is!!

So glad you have seen the light OP.

I went out with a very wealthy and very tight man, and I think I hated him by the end. It’s so unattractive, and I was embarrassed by how much “extra” I ended up paying, in order to “prove “ I wasn’t a gold digger.

Agree with PP, don’t mention money. I would just say you don’t really fancy him any more.

@Rockrose94
You are absolutely right nothing wrong with wanting to be with someone who will treat you (as well as you treating them).
I think it's very important to be financially on the same page as your partner, wither you are both savers or spenders and reality is most of us are somewhere in the middle, spend some and save some (if we can afford to be)

However I'd move your important documents (passport, driving licence, bank and pension stuff) and any sentimental, valuable jewellery out first.

If you can move all your stuff out while he's not there then brilliant but I'd make sure that important stuff is safely elsewhere before you tell him

You are room mates with benefits, not partners.

He can't afford to treat you to dinner but has more savings?

End the relationship and find someone who treats you like a partner. You deserve much better.

When I hear this kind of thing I do wonder how does someone even want any kind of close relationship with a selfish petty minded person. It’s just got the ick written all over it.

Life is too short for this shit. Can you imagine what it would be like if you had children? He'd be charging them rent as soon as they come out of the womb!

Get rid of this asshole as quick as possible, give him his £2-50 on his way out.

OP I’m joining this thread late but just wanted to say I’m so glad you’ve posted and been able to have an awakening of how awful he is. Thank god you’ve realised this now rather than further down the line.
One day you’ll be with someone else in a more healthy relationship and when he treats you it’ll really hit you more how bad your ex was.

I'm glad you have made your decision OP but at the same time desperately sad that you are even slightly worried about the response it may provoke, please keep safe. I, like you, have been moved by the story this week, again and again women live through "Men are scared women will laugh at them. Women are scared men will kill them" Tread lightly, get out however you can and be safe.

I’m so pleased for you that you’re getting away from this mean (in every sense of the word) person.

I agree with PPs that if you tell him that you’re leaving because of his financial abuse he will find a way of spinning it to mutual friends and family that he is the injured party. “You are a freeloader/gold digger etc”.

If you end the relationship and tell him that you just don’t feel physically attracted to him anymore (which is true, because of his miserliness), that will really sting him and he won’t be able to justify it to himself or others that he was just protecting himself financially.

Read as far as the fact that he won’t top up your wine glass during dinner together in case you drink more than your ‘ration’. Get out OP!
That’s not the behaviour of a polite man.

Prepare for him to gaslight you on the way out and tell people you left him because you are shallow and want him to pay for a more luxurious lifestyle for you. That’s not what this is. It’s HIM that is making this relationship transactional and all about money, NOT YOU.

Now RTFT – bloody hell OP! So many examples of his financial abuse, but the one about you sitting there not daring to drink another glass of wine because he doesn't like your glass being topped up more than his is just jaw-dropping! So pleased to read the updates that you are leaving him.

I can't find the comment but someone mentioned they'd move stuff out while he's not there, ie at work or somewhere.

I'd definitely do the same. You don't have cameras round the house do you?
Make sure you have family, good friends round to help you.

Do what is best for you- you know him better than any of us.

I feel angry on your behalf and that he should know he's being a shithead but of course, its best you do what makes you the most comfortable.

You deserve better!

I've been really moved by your replies, anyone can find themselves in this position and you seem really level headed. A great future ahead of you! X

Haven't RTFT but I know someone who kept check on his wife's spending down to the penny and she was able to divorce him on the grounds of financial abuse.

I would leave him and I'd be telling him exactly the reason why. You can express that in a respectful way, it's not either ghost him or be rude. There is a middle ground here.

I think he needs to know how his behaviour is coming across and how it is affecting others. Hopefully he will take a good look at himself and change his ways for the next person. If he doesnt then at least someone else can deal with his shit or he'll end up permanently single, baffled why no woman wants him.

Good luck OP. You’re definitely doing the right thing!