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AIBU?

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Original poster

How late to let a 12 year old stay out

87 replies

DoodleDragonD · 08/07/2024 20:55

DS (12) just had a friend call for him to come out to play (8.45pm) It’s pouring down and his friend was soaked. AIBU to think that it’s too late for DS to go out and for his friend to be out? DS had just had a bath and was in his PJs. He’s in year 7 in comp and quite a few of his new friends seem to be out all hours and left to their own devices a lot. What’s a normal curfew for a 12 year old? Is going out to play at nearly 9pm way too late?

OP posts:
PollencaCalling · 08/07/2024 21:37

Jennyathemall · 08/07/2024 21:32

Based on the replies it would seem you are the one being ridiculous. And irresponsible.

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Allowing my 12 year old to play sport at 9pm along with the rest of her (12 year old) teammates was really irresponsible. I think not. Said 12 year old is now a 20 year old medical student. Somehow she survived her ‘ridiculous’ upbringing and is a lovely, smart and successful young lady. Must be a miracle!

Edinvillian · 08/07/2024 21:36

Also, it's school holidays here. If he was still in school it would be 9 that he has to come in.

Edinvillian · 08/07/2024 21:35

It's really light here until 10.30 so sometimes my boy is out until 10 with his friends. Not when it's raining though.

longdistanceclaraclara · 08/07/2024 21:34

My 12 yo twins have been asleep since nine. They have to get up at 6. I guess it's area dependent there is no where safe they could play out here, and it's pissing with rain again anyway. They can go to their friends or vice versa but school days it's usually pick up by 8.

Jennyathemall · 08/07/2024 21:32

PollencaCalling · 08/07/2024 20:58

You’re are being completely ridiculous. A 12 year old ‘having a bath and in PJs’ by 9pm on a light, summer’s evening sounds more like the way a 5 year old should be treated. The rest of his friends will still be out playing/hanging around, and rightfully so.

Based on the replies it would seem you are the one being ridiculous. And irresponsible.

esmeisa · 08/07/2024 21:30

They don't need to be in bed by 9 but it's too late to be out.

Bedtime depends on how early they get up, but I wouldn't expect somebody knocking for them that late.

iamawarriorwhojustcrieseasily · 08/07/2024 21:27

DoodleDragonD · 08/07/2024 21:14

It’s not ridiculous. It’s hammering down with rain here and having DS safe and warm at 9pm on a school night is not being ridiculous. It’s far too late for a 12 year old to head out.

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Another one here agreeing with you. A 12 year old out at 9pm on a school night, " hanging around" Doesn't make for a great following school day, not to mention the risk. He needs routine and healthy habits instilled now far more than he did when he was 5! She isn't being " ridiculous" she is being a thoughtful Mum considering all consequences. It isn't 1986!

PollencaCalling · 08/07/2024 21:26

PoopingAllTheWay · 08/07/2024 21:16

On a school night. What time is bed time in your house? For a 12 year old and what time would you allow them to play out till?

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No bedtimes here as we are long past that stage, DD is 20 now. At 12 she still would’ve been out doing hobbies, sport etc at 9pm along with the vast majority of her friends. Still light outside = too early for a tween to go to bed in my opinion. She was typically asleep for 10:30/11pm and up at 7:30am. Considering it’s the end of the school year I’d relax a bit

LynetteScavo · 08/07/2024 21:26

When it's time to eat - after that he can stay in. So I'd think 6pm.

PizzaPowder · 08/07/2024 21:26

DoodleDragonD · 08/07/2024 21:22

Is he just playing in your street though? I think that’s different to gallivanting all around the local town/parks in the pouring rain? His new comp friends seem to be out at all hours, even trying to ring DS phone at 11.30 at night.

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Yeah, just in the street. Oh that would give me the fear. Half 11 is way too late. I’d say 10pm for a 12 year old as long as I could track their phone.

Original poster
DoodleDragonD · 08/07/2024 21:22

PizzaPowder · 08/07/2024 21:19

My 8 year old is out playing just now. At 20 past 9. Will shout him in soon though.

Is he just playing in your street though? I think that’s different to gallivanting all around the local town/parks in the pouring rain? His new comp friends seem to be out at all hours, even trying to ring DS phone at 11.30 at night.

OP posts:
BeachHutsAndDeckchairs · 08/07/2024 21:21

In the summer holidays I don't think 9p.m. is too late for them to be out at a friend's house, but not on a school night or after dark.

Sapphire387 · 08/07/2024 21:20

My DS is Y8, aged 13.

At this time of year, I ask him to be back by 9 latest on a school night, and 10 on weekends and holidays (while it is still light). He basically just goes and plays football locally with friends.

If he announced he was going out at 8.45 in the hammering rain on a school night, I'd be swiftly suggesting he rethink that.

Timings last year were slightly earlier, as I recall. There's a jump in maturity between year 7 and year 8, I think.

PizzaPowder · 08/07/2024 21:20

PizzaPowder · 08/07/2024 21:19

My 8 year old is out playing just now. At 20 past 9. Will shout him in soon though.

Should mention we’re in Scotland and it’s the holidays here.

PizzaPowder · 08/07/2024 21:19

My 8 year old is out playing just now. At 20 past 9. Will shout him in soon though.

edwinbear · 08/07/2024 21:18

Not a chance in hell would my Y7 just be heading out for the night at 9pm on a school night. I’d be unashamedly judging the parents that allow it too.

PoopingAllTheWay · 08/07/2024 21:16

PollencaCalling · 08/07/2024 20:58

You’re are being completely ridiculous. A 12 year old ‘having a bath and in PJs’ by 9pm on a light, summer’s evening sounds more like the way a 5 year old should be treated. The rest of his friends will still be out playing/hanging around, and rightfully so.

On a school night. What time is bed time in your house? For a 12 year old and what time would you allow them to play out till?

Legogirl48 · 08/07/2024 21:15

DoodleDragonD · 08/07/2024 21:14

It’s not ridiculous. It’s hammering down with rain here and having DS safe and warm at 9pm on a school night is not being ridiculous. It’s far too late for a 12 year old to head out.

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Completely agree with you.

Original poster
DoodleDragonD · 08/07/2024 21:14

PollencaCalling · 08/07/2024 20:58

You’re are being completely ridiculous. A 12 year old ‘having a bath and in PJs’ by 9pm on a light, summer’s evening sounds more like the way a 5 year old should be treated. The rest of his friends will still be out playing/hanging around, and rightfully so.

It’s not ridiculous. It’s hammering down with rain here and having DS safe and warm at 9pm on a school night is not being ridiculous. It’s far too late for a 12 year old to head out.

OP posts:
Original poster
DoodleDragonD · 08/07/2024 21:11

liveforsummer · 08/07/2024 21:10

On a school night probably not however it's our summer holidays now and dd11 is out playing in our street, and yes - it's raining! If it's your holidays the answer would depend on the area and where they are going.

I’d be fine for him to play later in our street but the friend in question lives around a 15/20 minute walk away and that would leave DS walking home alone at 10pm in the dark.

OP posts:
liveforsummer · 08/07/2024 21:10

On a school night probably not however it's our summer holidays now and dd11 is out playing in our street, and yes - it's raining! If it's your holidays the answer would depend on the area and where they are going.

GoneFishingToday · 08/07/2024 21:09

Definitely too late in my opinion, especially on a miserable evening. I'd say in bed for 9.00pm, on a school night, and maybe allowed to read for a while, but hopefully asleep by 10.00pm. Whereas if he goes out at 8.45pm, he's unlikely to want to come in until, getting on for 10pm, and then will need time to get ready for bed, wind down, etc. probably won't sleep until 11pm. I don't think you are B U.

Original poster
DoodleDragonD · 08/07/2024 21:08

Ciderandskatesdontmix · 08/07/2024 21:06

Not unreasonable at all. There's no way I'd be letting my 12 year old head out at 8.45 on a school night. What time is his usual curfew?

Normally 7pm/7.30pm unless he’s over a friends house or at an event.

OP posts:
Original poster
DoodleDragonD · 08/07/2024 21:07

PickledMumion · 08/07/2024 21:02

My year 7 12yo is in bed by 9 on a school night. There are so many things in life I can't give him, but a good night's sleep is free and easy (and vital for good learning and good mental health).

I’m so glad I’m not alone I’m thinking that going out at that time is far too late. He doesn’t go to bed at 9 but at that time he’s winding down, having a bath and watching a film with DH and I. There’s also lots of much older teens that hang around in the park smoking/drinking and I wouldn’t be comfortable with knowing he’s out getting mixed up in stuff.

OP posts:
Ciderandskatesdontmix · 08/07/2024 21:06

Not unreasonable at all. There's no way I'd be letting my 12 year old head out at 8.45 on a school night. What time is his usual curfew?

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