How late to let a 12 year old stay out

We only have your word that your child has turned out OK. I work in a school so my opinion is based on the 80 children we have that have similar parenting styles and children who are consistently badly behaved.

That is quite late especially in the rain on a school night!
I let my 9 year old play out until 8pm last night because it was actually sunny for once, and it was straight to bed afterwards. Also very close to end of term.
My 13 yo goes to bed sometime between 9-10 but I wouldn't let her stay out past 9pm especially on a school night, and in winter earlier before it gets dark.

You do realise that because all of the "good kids" are in the issues become more concentrated?

I live in a safe enough European capital. It is perfectly typical to see them at the skatepark, hanging in a group kicking a ball chatting just spending time with their peers. Getting food, drinking the gallon water bottles, doing their hitt class etc

They are doing what generations of us did and managed to not get into any trouble. The automatic assumption is a societal issue, you are judging social people who may go on to be your doctor, vet, nurse, social worker.

I would ask everyone who has that first negative thought to explore why is it negative? Is it justified? Because whether ye like it or not, teens having unsupervised time is a developmental norm and is required for them to make small mistakes to learn before they become adults.

Small mistakes as in indiscretions not criminal acts to be clear.

There's no way I'd be letting my 12 year old out to roam the streets at 9pm and especially in the pouring rain!
I think that you encourage him to have had a bath (gold star just for that one! 😁) and into pj's and then settling to watch a film together is promoting strong family values.
Twelve year olds shouldn't be left wandering about and potentially getting involved with 'the wrong crowd'.
Playing sports or going to an activity is different obviously.

Can’t quite understand why the fact that I allowed my DD out at riding club with her pony and friends on nice, light summer evenings offends you so much.

This must be the most disingenuous post I’ve read this year. How on earth can you compare what you describe (and years ago, too!) with a child going out for ad hoc hanging around the streets, possibly prey to all manner of unwelcome temptation and danger, right now in 2024 in a clearly very different context? You should be ashamed to have added such a confusing and unhelpful post to the thread.

@DoodleDragonD parenting does sometimes involve making yourself unpopular with your children’s friends. I can’t think of any good reason why a 12 year should be leaving the house at that time of night to wander about with no planned or supervised activity, particularly given: lots of much older teens that hang around in the park smoking/drinking and I wouldn’t be comfortable with knowing he’s out getting mixed up in stuff.

I would be questioning the parenting of the boy who came to the door. Did his parents even know where he was? Did they care?

It does sound as if you’re going to need to be proactive in making sure your son has organised activities to use his energy and time, so he never has the option of hanging around the streets or parks at night.

I’d say 9pm on a school night in summer. Perhaps 10 on a sunny weekend.

Interesting replies. I virtually never see children out after about teatime. Was out last night at 9 and saw a handful of adult dog walkers only. Went past a park, housing estates etc. safe area, beautiful sunny evening. Doubtless there are 12 year olds at organised activities (dropped off by parents in the car) but I don't think most people are letting pre teens out alone after about 7.

But that's entirely different. At a safe place, with known friends, good weather etc.
Hanging round the street in the rain with unknown people is an entirely different scenario

The OP wasn’t talking about a sports club though which I think makes a difference.

I think for most adults, heading out to start the evening at 9pm is pretty late, unless your uni age and heading clubbing.

We tend to wind things down at 8:30 - both screens and hanging out with friends unless it’s a special occasion.

Too late for a school night but in the holidays, I (and everyone else) was always allowed out until it got dark.

Home by 9pm on a school night is very reasonable as standard. A bit of flexibility with that is fine, but not heading out at 8:45 in heavy rain for no particular reason.

Depends on the area you live . The kids out late here often get bikes stolen or harassed by older teens.
On a school night we have a bedtime that's sensible. Sleeps still important in the summer . Especially to function properly the next day in school

Paul Dillon https://darta.net.au/ is of the opinion that kids stay out the the hour of their year at school. Year 8 to 8 pm, year 9 to 9 pm.

This is what we went and it was great. It gave the decision making to an independent third party and when dd said “I will be allowed to stay until x time because …” a surprising number of her friends said “me too”.

I'm very up for kids being out but that's a time they come home, you don't go out at 9pm unless they're practically adults. On a weekend in summer I'd let my teenagers stay out after 9 until 10 ish, but because they have been out having fun for hours, they can't go out after 8pm

Maybe they want to be, mine had a bath and was in his pj's by 7 last night because he wasn't going anywhere

I put mine on as soon as I get back from work some days and I'm 46

I agree with you. My 12 year old wouldn't be going out at that time.

That would be very difficult considering DD (I don’t even have a son - you’re really projecting an embarrassing amount here) is now all grown up and has turned out to be a lovely, sensible girl - just as she always has been. Just finished 2nd year medical school. You’ll be glad to know that drugs/alcohol/vapes have never been an issue for us, thank you very much.

I’m sorry to hear that your automatic perception of a 12 year old out at 9pm is so unpleasant, you may want to think about what leads you to think of children in this way. A very sad assumption and outlook on life in general in my opinion. Can’t quite understand why the fact that I allowed my DD out at riding club with her pony and friends on nice, light summer evenings offends you so much. Mentally and physically it was the best thing for her and kept her much less interested in ‘messing around’ than many of her peers.

This, why on earth would a child that age be bed ready before 10?

Massive difference between being at a sports practice ar 9pm to wandering the streets at 9pm.

I'd be happy for a 12 year old to play out close to home until 9ish on a school night. Not in the pouring rain though! Some of my kids friends were definitely allowed out later and parents were happy for them to roam around the neighbourhood in the evening. I wasn't and wanted to know where they were going and who with. Don't worry what others think about your house rules, just do what feels right for you and your kids.

That's far too late for 5 years old. Bed by 7pm.
A 12 year old is just a child and should be in bed by 9pm, nevermind being out. I bet tour kid is one of those little chavs getting up to trouble, stealing Vapes and riding mopeds. A walking advert for someone to groom him for gangs.

My 14 year old would not have been allowed out at that time let alone a 12 year old, especially on a school night.

KS3 is a year of two halves you have those who go out in the evening for sports activities, play out till 7:30pmish then home for a shower, homework, read and bed for 10 and you have those that are hanging out with older teens, already drinking, smoking, running for county lines and having sexual relationships and generally getting up to no good with minimal supervision. You DS just needs to find the children like him and I'd be saying no to the boy or perhaps inviting him in for a hot chocolate to warm up and offering a lift home if he told his parents first.