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Original poster

Partner only has pictures of his family in his office

34 replies

Trabenji · 08/07/2024 20:10

I'm not sure if this is me being petty or if he is being as weird.
So my partner and I have been together for 3 years and have a 16 month old son. He has one brother and two nieces aged 11 and 9. I have two sisters and one niece aged 3.
At home we each have our own office space - his is in the spare room.
A few months ago, his mum passed away. She was ill for a long time. He has been clearing things from her house and has brought back a few photos. Some are of his mum and dad (his dad passed about 20 years ago), but most (about 4/5) are pictures of his nieces.
Bear in mind that before he decided to decorate the spare bedroom with these pictures there were none in the spare room. I have printed lots of pictures of the three of us as a family but he didn't want to put them in the spare bedroom as it "crowded his office space". Now the room basically looks like a shrine to his family.
I asked him if he plans to give some of these pictures to his brother as they are photos of his daughters and he said no as they were from his mums house. When I mentioned it was weird that he only has pictures of his family and didn't even want pictures of his own son in the room he just got really short with me and didn't want me to bring it up again.
Am I being petty about this or is this as weird as it feels to me?

OP posts:
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Vonesk · 12/07/2024 19:23

He needs Space; hes still processing his grief- it cant be rushed; it could take months , or years; or it might always be part of him. Surrounding himself with his mothers framed pictures is comforting him. Who are we to interfere ????

Manthide · 12/07/2024 18:03

TheRealSlimShandy · 08/07/2024 20:40

When my DHs mum passed away he took some very “not to my taste” things from her house (think a massive set of wooden rosary beads, old ornaments etc) and we had them in our living room for a while.

it was a stage of his grief and a comfort - so I put aside my feelings on their aesthetic etc. I suggest you do the same.

My brother died in March and I have some of his belongings in my house and I do like to think of them as his. My dad recently wanted to take some of his items to be valued and my mother was grief stricken. They had a talk about it and he took them a couple of weeks later. (My brother was single and lived on his own, probably autistic)

Roseyjane · 09/07/2024 12:15

I think you are behaving very oddly. A complete lack of empathy, incredibly selfish and insecure, even jealous;

he is grieving and all you can focus on is where are my pics and could you give the ones away you have.

its really bad.

GeilistheWitch · 09/07/2024 12:04

Crikey, OP, I live on a different continent from my family so have pictures of my parents, my siblings and their familes in our living room , alongside a few pictures of me with DH and / or DC at different ages. There are a couple of photos of DH's nephew as a child and with his family, but none at all of DH's parents and siblings as they live nearby and we see them regularly.
Does this make me live up to my user name? I don't think so, but others might think differently.
I definitely don't see what your DH is doing wrong.

DragonGypsyDoris · 09/07/2024 09:18

He has photos of relatives who have died or doesn't see every day. On that basis he doesn't need photos of his son. There is no requirement for him to match what you do or expect.

Original poster
Trabenji · 09/07/2024 08:48

FoxSticks · 09/07/2024 07:16

I think when both of your parents die you feel horribly aware that your 'roots' have gone. Yes, you have you own small family, but your connection to your birth family seems fragile somehow. I know I felt the urge to hold my siblings closer, maybe it's the same for your husband with the photos of his sibling and nieces.

Thank you @FoxSticks
This does make sense and it's helpful to see it explained in this way.

OP posts:
FoxSticks · 09/07/2024 07:16

I think when both of your parents die you feel horribly aware that your 'roots' have gone. Yes, you have you own small family, but your connection to your birth family seems fragile somehow. I know I felt the urge to hold my siblings closer, maybe it's the same for your husband with the photos of his sibling and nieces.

Original poster
Trabenji · 09/07/2024 07:08

Tablesalt111 · 08/07/2024 22:12

That's pushing it abit. It's perfectly normal for op to question this. A reasonable person understands that his grief may prompt pictures of his mum and dad and so on but op says he has put the entire family up including his siblings children but not his own child or his partner and yes for some it can be hurtful. Sometimes ppl may act jealous because something has happened to trigger that response it does not mean op is petty. Cut her some slack she just wants to be included!!

Show quote history

Thanks @Tablesalt111
I don't mind the lack of pictures of me, just that he saved the pictures of his nieces/ brother etc for himself, but the ones of our son went into the skip and didn't want to use ones readily available.

OP posts:
Tablesalt111 · 08/07/2024 22:12

Coffeerum · 08/07/2024 20:13

It’s not weird for him to have family photos in a room in your shared home.
I imagine he doesn’t see the need to have a photo of you or his son he literally lives with you and there are loads of photos elsewhere.

You sound incredibly jealous and petty over his family, which is awful considering both his parents have passed. These photos belonged to his mum and are obviously important to him because they were important to her.

Edited

That's pushing it abit. It's perfectly normal for op to question this. A reasonable person understands that his grief may prompt pictures of his mum and dad and so on but op says he has put the entire family up including his siblings children but not his own child or his partner and yes for some it can be hurtful. Sometimes ppl may act jealous because something has happened to trigger that response it does not mean op is petty. Cut her some slack she just wants to be included!!

ModernHijabi · 08/07/2024 20:49

Give him a chance to grieve before getting at him. Poor man

Original poster
Trabenji · 08/07/2024 20:49

Thanks for all the responses, very helpful to see it from another perspective.
Surrounding himself with pictures of his mum and dad felt very normal to me (his mum and I got along very well) it just felt odd that he didn't want to give the pictures of his nieces to his brother. But I guess that's linked to what people are saying about those pictures coming from his mum's house so he's attached to them.
There are lots of pictures of his family around the house and in the living room ( I put them up) but I recognise these are different as they have particular memories attached to them.

OP posts:
TheRealSlimShandy · 08/07/2024 20:40

When my DHs mum passed away he took some very “not to my taste” things from her house (think a massive set of wooden rosary beads, old ornaments etc) and we had them in our living room for a while.

it was a stage of his grief and a comfort - so I put aside my feelings on their aesthetic etc. I suggest you do the same.

JLou08 · 08/07/2024 20:39

I think you're being really insensitive. He is grieving and wants items from his parents house around him. Its not about you.

Guavafish1 · 08/07/2024 20:38

I would leave that alone. Just allow him to express love for him family the way he wants too.

I'm sure he loves his son very much and it's not a picture competition.

bunnypenny · 08/07/2024 20:36

Presumably there are lots of photos of you and your son in other rooms in the house? And he sees you every day?

mynameiscalypso · 08/07/2024 20:35

The poor man is grieving. Let him grieve.

I should add though that I have pictures of my family (parents, brother, nieces) around my desk and in my working space (which is also my bedroom). I see my DH and DS every day, why do I need pictures of them?

GalileoHumpkins · 08/07/2024 20:35

What's with all the threads about people getting butt hurt about photographs? It's really weird.

Edenmum2 · 08/07/2024 20:32

You sound a bit insecure to be honest. Are you worried he doesn't love you and your son?

pollypocketss · 08/07/2024 20:30

I think the photos perhaps remind him of his mothers home. His way of dealing with the grief, I wouldn't worry too much or make an issue of it.

FuzzyStripes · 08/07/2024 20:29

A few months ago? So his mother has only just died? He’s quite clearly grieving and needs some understanding and support.

lightsandtunnels · 08/07/2024 20:29

Aww OP your poor DP. He is obviously grieving his Mum and is looking on these photos as pieces of her because they obviously meant so much to her. Please don't think anything into it. Let him have his shrine. He's just lost his Mum :(

Michelle12A · 08/07/2024 20:28

It’s his office he can put whatever pictures he wants to

Redglitter · 08/07/2024 20:26

Would you rather he put the photos in your living room?

Why on earth would he need a photo of his son, who he sees every day, in his home office in your family home. He doesn't need a photo, he can see him when he wants

I think he's being quite considerate keeping the photos in his office

wibblywobblywoo · 08/07/2024 20:22

I might be wrong but I'm guessing you haven't lost either of your parents OP?

I've lost both of mine and, especially in the early days/weeks/months after a loss, having things around you that were 'around' for your deceased loved one can be very comforting - almost as though the things have a sort of vibe that makes you feel you are closer to them. Don't over analyse or nit pick it, let him be.

spicysamosahotcupoftea · 08/07/2024 20:20

I know someone who has a photo of himself on his desk.

Not his wife. Not his kids. Not his parents etc.

Himself.

Based on that, I'd say your partner is definitely not weird 😂