Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Who was in the wrong here?

57 replies

TaylorsVersion1 · 08/07/2024 18:15

I feel really silly writing this but she's made me doubt myself so I would like some outside opinions to see if I really was being unreasonable.

Went to see grandma today (82 if it matters) with 3 year old ds.

I'll cut to the point she gave DS a big bag of cola bottles. I'm okay with him eating sweets but wasn't keen on her giving him a big bag but let him have a few.

After he'd scoffed almost half the bag DH took them off him (irrelevant but he has a genetic condition that's prone to obesity so we're trying to teach him to eat in moderation) we were a bit slow to notice as we were chatting, that on us.

DS started crying obviously so I tried to explain to him that he'd had enough and next time he comes he can have some more and it's nearly tea time etc but grandma hit the roof calling my husband out of order, awful and horrible - DH obviously wasn't happy with this and took DS out to change his nappy.

Whilst he was out my grandma was like "say something to him" and I said no, I agree with him and she just said I'm as bad as him and she'll stop me visiting as we've really upset her so I said I appreciate you're upset but he can't just eat a whole packet of sweets (a big pack as well, wouldn't have minded too much if it was one of those little Haribo packs) and she said well he can at my house.

The whole thing was just awkward after that so we left but now I'm sat wondering did we really need to cause such a fuss and upset her? Was I being unreasonable?

It feels like such a none issue but I'm a bit upset about it.

Thank you

OP posts:
Suki51 · 08/07/2024 19:19

That's sad but your behaviour seems reasonable and Gma a bit disrespectful, I agree with the idea of visiting her without child and establishing some understanding.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 08/07/2024 19:18

It wasn’t a huge deal either way until she started laying down the law as to how you and your dh could parent.

So she gave the bag, it was very big, he ate too many but no big deal, your DH took them off him and said he could have them another time. All fine until this point.

What wasn’t ok was your grandma saying “he can at my house” and that you couldn’t visit again unless you toed the line. Now you stuck in a position where if you go there again it’ll be as though you are saying she can overrule your parenting. And then the only loser will be her, as she won’t get visits.

Awkward.

Investinmyself · 08/07/2024 19:10

https://groceries.aldi.co.uk/en-GB/p-dominion-cola-bottles-75g/4088600292670

This type of bag is 3 adult servings.

I’d have been worried about him being sick. That much sugar isn’t great for a 3 year old.

She shouldn’t be giving him things you don’t want him to have.

Dominion Cola Bottles 75g

https://groceries.aldi.co.uk/en-GB/p-dominion-cola-bottles-75g/4088600292670

Skyrainlight · 08/07/2024 19:07

Your grandmother is 100% in the wrong.

sprigatito · 08/07/2024 19:05

@itsmylife7 it's not "lovely" if she makes him sick or endangers his health, though, is it? At that point she's doing it to make herself happy rather than for her GGS' benefit. Which is rather selfish and childish.

HelpMeGetThrough · 08/07/2024 19:02

and she said well he can at my house.

Oh, we've had that when ours were little with my parents. Turning to them and saying, well they won't be coming, stopped them doing that.

Ilovebees · 08/07/2024 19:00

itsmylife7 · 08/07/2024 18:58

Depends if its a regular thing or a once in a blue moon thing.

OP hasn't said how often it happens.

But regardless , the child would be up all night after this amount of sweets hehe , would it be worth it in your eyes ? Or even better , throwing up all day , 😃clearly he was willing to eat the full pack , because he started crying after it had been took off him .

itsmylife7 · 08/07/2024 18:58

Ilovebees · 08/07/2024 18:53

Yes it is all very lovely but the little kid has a genetic condition that could lead to obesity and if it means his health is in risk then the rules have to come in no matter who gets upset over it or who doesn’t . Grandma should have known better . I do get it that it’s a nice gesture to offer sweets to her great grandson but there has to be a limit somewhere . I bet if it was up her her , she would let him eat 1 kg of sweets in 1 hour if he wanted and she’d find it acceptable still .

Depends if its a regular thing or a once in a blue moon thing.

OP hasn't said how often it happens.

Ilovebees · 08/07/2024 18:53

itsmylife7 · 08/07/2024 18:48

So your boy is her Great grandson.

How lovely she gets to spoil her great grandson.

Yes it is all very lovely but the little kid has a genetic condition that could lead to obesity and if it means his health is in risk then the rules have to come in no matter who gets upset over it or who doesn’t . Grandma should have known better . I do get it that it’s a nice gesture to offer sweets to her great grandson but there has to be a limit somewhere . I bet if it was up her her , she would let him eat 1 kg of sweets in 1 hour if he wanted and she’d find it acceptable still .

itsmylife7 · 08/07/2024 18:48

TaylorsVersion1 · 08/07/2024 18:46

Yes it's my grandma.

So your boy is her Great grandson.

How lovely she gets to spoil her great grandson.

Watchkeys · 08/07/2024 18:48

Why does someone have to be wrong? Why can't it just be the case that you disagree, and you have a chat with her off the back of it, with regard to her respect for your parenting decisions?

WhatNoRaisins · 08/07/2024 18:47

Throwing up would be my main concern at this age. Especially if you're driving home.

TaylorsVersion1 · 08/07/2024 18:46

itsmylife7 · 08/07/2024 18:45

Is this your Grandmother?

Yes it's my grandma.

OP posts:
Coffeerum · 08/07/2024 18:46

Maddy70 · 08/07/2024 18:30

Shes was in the wrong but grandmas have always given kids wrongful treats to the despair of every generations parents haven't they?

Does it "really" matter in the grand scheme of things

You were right to back up ypur DH too

Shes just hurt. A treat bought lovingly turned sour

Of course it really matters. The most likely scenario if a 3 year old eats an entire adult share size bag of gummy sweets is that they throw up on the way home.

itsmylife7 · 08/07/2024 18:45

Is this your Grandmother?

ruethewhirl · 08/07/2024 18:43

Maddy70 · 08/07/2024 18:30

Shes was in the wrong but grandmas have always given kids wrongful treats to the despair of every generations parents haven't they?

Does it "really" matter in the grand scheme of things

You were right to back up ypur DH too

Shes just hurt. A treat bought lovingly turned sour

But it needn't have been, if she could have just accepted that OP and her DH are the judges of when he's had enough sugar.

ginasevern · 08/07/2024 18:43

I often think parents get too hysterical about grandparents spoiling kids but on this occasion you were right. That's a lot of sweets for a child (or anyone really) and she added insult to injury by behaving like a total weirdo.

Next time tell her to give him a small amount in a cup or bowl and explain very firmly that the poor little soul gets ill if he eats to many sweets. Make her feel guilty if you like.

TaylorsVersion1 · 08/07/2024 18:43

Thank you for the replies everyone.

I'm not sure of the grams but they were like the standard bags of Haribos (although they were the knock off version so don't know if that makes a difference to sugar content).

OP posts:
DancingPhantomsOnTheTerrace · 08/07/2024 18:41

Was it a 100g bag? I've just had a look, they've got 46g of sugar in them.

Obviously you were in the right.

Ilovebees · 08/07/2024 18:40

Maddy70 · 08/07/2024 18:39

Wair...adults aren't meant to eat the full pack? Damn

I do 🤣

Maddy70 · 08/07/2024 18:39

Ilovebees · 08/07/2024 18:35

yes it was a nice treat for the kid but everyone was happy to let the kid eat a lot of it anyways , just not the full pack . It’s not like he didn’t get none , just didn’t want him to eat the full 500g pack , even adults dont eat the full pack in one go . And also the parents were very nice about it and saying he can have the rest next time which is totally reasonable 😽

Wair...adults aren't meant to eat the full pack? Damn

Daleksatemyshed · 08/07/2024 18:36

Of course his DGM wants to spoil him but it sounds like far too many sweets at once, kids don't know when to stop so she shouldn't have given him the whole bag. I'd smooth things over this time but next time you visit I'd intervene earlier if DGM tries to do it again

Spirallingdownwards · 08/07/2024 18:36

YANBU. I would have also said that's a shame that we won't be visiting anymore if you can't adjust to our rules.

Ilovebees · 08/07/2024 18:35

Maddy70 · 08/07/2024 18:30

Shes was in the wrong but grandmas have always given kids wrongful treats to the despair of every generations parents haven't they?

Does it "really" matter in the grand scheme of things

You were right to back up ypur DH too

Shes just hurt. A treat bought lovingly turned sour

yes it was a nice treat for the kid but everyone was happy to let the kid eat a lot of it anyways , just not the full pack . It’s not like he didn’t get none , just didn’t want him to eat the full 500g pack , even adults dont eat the full pack in one go . And also the parents were very nice about it and saying he can have the rest next time which is totally reasonable 😽

DaniMontyRae · 08/07/2024 18:34

How big is the bag? Because if its one of the 75g/100g ones then she's crazy giving that to a 3 year old. It could be over 30g of sugar. Her reaction is petulant, she's the one acting like a 3 year old.

Swipe left for the next trending thread