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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find it inconsiderate when an OP doesn’t update us

44 replies

JammyWedges · 08/07/2024 15:06

OP will start a thread saying something like: “Does this mean DH is cheating on me?”

Or “Should DS come on holiday abroad with me?”

Then she’ll get loads of advice, input, and helpful information from a hundred women. We help her figure out what she’s going to do. And she’ll say, “I’m going to confront DH tonight about it before bed.” Or “I’ll have a long chat with DS tomorrow and we’ll decide.”

Then nothing for days. I’ll keep refreshing the thread but it will have been abandoned. It would be so satisfying if OP simply sent an update: “He was cheating. He admitted it.” Or “We decided DS is staying home.” But no. Once OP gets everything she wants and doesn’t need us anymore, she doesn’t follow up. AIBU to be disappointed when this happens and think it’s inconsiderate?

OP posts:
Didimum · 08/07/2024 17:43

For my own personal interest, yes I’ve often wished for an update, but no, I don’t think posters should feel obliged to. It certainly isn’t ‘inconsiderate’ because someone’s life isn’t entertainment for a stranger.

Tagyoureit · 08/07/2024 17:42

Yes I wish they would too!

TimeForMyMonthlyNameChange · 08/07/2024 17:41

I agree. I get way too invested tbh and it’s a Me problem

BlackeyedSusan · 08/07/2024 17:40

You (and I) are being unreasonable.

I'd love to know the outcome more often, but it's people's lives!

BuggeryBumFlaps · 08/07/2024 17:32

No the op doesn't owe us anything but we're allowed to be curious as to what happened. You post on a public forum and of course people want to know what's happened, it's why soaps are so popular in tv.

gardenmusic · 08/07/2024 16:12

Thing is, some of these are 'wind them up and watch them go' threads, where after worsening updates the OP clears off, having had their fun.
Then we have the absolutely distraught, who really cannot be expected to give us updates - we just have to be there to help and hope they are real and OK.
Then there are the goads, who demolish a poster for the fun of it, and OP has to leave the thread to keep their sanity.
So I really do not mind if a poster does not come back.

Raaraab · 08/07/2024 15:59

I once ran a huge thread about how to cook rice. From which I learned how to cook rice and bought the recommended contraption for doing it.

And I have been cooking very plausible rice off the back of it for a couple of years.

But I never went back to thank anyone of them. I feel so ashamed.

SatinHeart · 08/07/2024 15:52

I do tend to assume troll if there are literally no updates after the OP.

But assuming they a real poster, generally real life will get in the way. It's nice to see an update after the event, but very irritating when other posters start with "ANY UPDATE, OP??????" roughly an hour and a half after the the thread was started.

FawnFrenchieMum · 08/07/2024 15:48

The human in me really wants an update from the OP but in reality I know this is peoples actual lives and not a soap opera with an ending.

Zimunya · 08/07/2024 15:47

I always assume the non-returners are trolls.

ohthejoys21 · 08/07/2024 15:46

Totally agree op

TwattyMcFuckFace · 08/07/2024 15:45

It's worse when they type a War and Peace opening post about their DC, without giving their age and then never return.

The thread just fills up with guess work because age is nearly always relevant.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 08/07/2024 15:35

I think humans are designed to want a narrative. We have the set up (first post) and then more of the story as things go on - but very rarely that nice neat conclusion with all the ends tied up.
So it's really just a conflict of real life versus the reading experience. No right answers.

Doingtheboxerbeat · 08/07/2024 15:34

It's usually when the thread doesn't go as they expect - I'm imagining a debate with their other half and then they say "let me ask MN" ....😁

LarkspurLane · 08/07/2024 15:33

It annoys me as well.
Of course they don't owe you anything but out of pure nosiness, I want to know how things pan out.
I understand if it's a sensitive issue and the OP doesn't want to, but I do quite often want to know something as simple as what book OP bought their child in the end when about 20 suggestions were given. (pick me! pick me!)

Tablesalt111 · 08/07/2024 15:33

Dotto · 08/07/2024 15:25

It's not a soap opera and OP owes us nothing. Though sometimes the non-returners were trolls.

What does that mean in mumsnet world.. why would they have been trolls? As in they set up threads for the sake if it ?

Original poster
JammyWedges · 08/07/2024 15:30

Wow, 50/50 so far. Interested to see how this vote plays out.

OP posts:
Dotto · 08/07/2024 15:25

It's not a soap opera and OP owes us nothing. Though sometimes the non-returners were trolls.

LauderSyme · 08/07/2024 15:11

I sometimes feel the same way about the baby name threads! Six months later.... "so, what did you end up calling them, then?"

But we are probably both BU. Social media doesn't really work like that. People aren't obliged to give us a running commentary.

I understand why you want the 'story' to have a beginning, middle and end though. Seems to be a basic human need to find out what happened....

Swipe left for the next trending thread