AIBU to think life falls perfectly for some people?

First, you need to get off social media. It’s not real life and even if it was, it’s doing you no favours whatsoever.

It sounds glib but you just have to play the hand you’re dealt and stop comparing yourself to others.

Things can happen to people ina blink of an eye. I don’t resent people for their lives anymore because I know just how quick peoples lives can change.

i tend to relate more to people who have been through shit, they get it on a level that others don’t

@Debbiejv I'm sorry to hear that, I do think it seems so unfair at times, life that is.

Completely understandable to feel this way.
I am that person you might feel has everything - wonderful upbringing, parents very helpful to me now, house partly funded by inheritance, hard working husband, easily conceived healthy children. It's not all been luck- I purposely choose to live where I do for parental help, we did 2 house renovations requiring many many hours of hard physical work, I have always had to really work at school and uni to get the results I did.
But I have lost contact with a whole group of friends I wish I still had and I have struggled to make close friends as an adult, despite trying quite hard to be likeable and sociable.

Some days the fear of what's going to happen is quite a lot, because I know no one's life can be all good. I feel sure one day my world is going to come crashing down, most likely my husband will die young in a horrific accident. Unfortunately this is something I spend time worrying about. I suspect when it does I will really struggle because I have not had much opportunity to practise dealing with hardship and develop coping mechanisms.

I can’t imagine wishing hardship on someone who seems more fortunate than me.

It is of course true that some people have more privileged lives than others. You’re actually probably pretty high on the worldwide scale of privilege yourself. This is not to diminish how you feel at all, but just to show that how someone’s life looks is a poor insight into how it feels. Everyone has their own shit to deal with, however easy their lives look to others.

I hope your struggles with TTC resolve soon; that’s a hard place for you to be and it’s no wonder it’s making you feel miserable.

It’s understandable you feel the way you do but remember no-ones life is really perfect though it can be made to appear so.

A lot of it is attitude as well - someone could have a house bought for them and be in a good marriage and still not be happy if they don’t appreciate it and someone who takes things for granted is more likely to not appreciate it. You’d be amazed what advantages some people will overlook in their determination to be dissatisfied.

I think some people do, do better on the 'winning' in life. Of course everyone has hardships and I am sure that lady will at some point, if she hasn't already privately had some.

I know people say you don't know how someone feels etc.. But surely that can be said of poorer people, who aren't as good looking, and didn't have financial help from their parents to buy a house.

Money can't buy you happiness but it sure can help!

YABU

It may seem that way to you but no one really knows what is going on for anyone else. You might think you do but we all choose what we disclose or let people see.

I say this as someone who had a stillborn baby and took 5 years to conceive again whilst watching peers and family members loves continue and grown their families.

It's a not a nice place to be or way to feel. I understand you but honestly, for those who you think have it easy, they are still struggling in their own way.

What do you mean? Some people are lucky, some have great lives and are happy, some have lives that look great and are not. Some live lives that look mediocre but are happy, some just live bad lives.

op, do you ever compare against people who have less than you, or is it just envy of those with more?

Obviously alot of things are incredibly unfair. And yet almosg everyone born in this country is better off- through - luck than people born in certain other countries - whether that be due to poverty, war, natural disasters or a misogynistic society (for women).

But then almost everyone has some tragedy in their life too. A friend of mine has the appearance of life landing perfectly. But in fact she has dealt with horrible grief, with children’s illness/ disability, with really bad anxiety of her own. You never know really what people have in their lives.

So very few people do have a perfect life - and money can’t guarantee you are shielded from everything.

I understand, I felt the same when undergoing hardships.
The thing is that most people have hard time, people who look and seem perfect usually have hard time even when they look fine on the outside. It takes a lot of self regulation and work to look perfect and thin and to have the perfect job.
I had a (casual) friend at university who looked like she had a perfect life on the outside. She was at the top of her class, looked amazing, exercises every day, found a great job upon graduating where she was excelling and had a nice apartment bought by her parents.

What people didn't see is she was very harsh to herself, she achieved top grades because she pushed herself so much, partly driven by her extremely ambitious parents. She had a warped sense of self image, not far from an eating disorder, hence the compulsion to exercise even when she was sick or very tired Just recently, she started being very public about a burnout she went through when people thought she is at the top of the world.

I'll never have a career like her and never was as fit as her, but I actually like my body and am happy with my career/work life balance.

I felt very lucky and was very lucky til about forty and then I have had lots of unlucky things happen. No-one gets out of this life alive, OP. Most people end up experiencing ill-health, bereavement, sorrow, children being a pain, the whole gamut of things. Many will feel alone at your age if they don't have a partner.

I know it's easy to say, and hard to live, but comparing isn't appropriate, you don't know what's around the corner for them or you, but it is ok to feel sorry for yourself occasionally.

I knew one of these
Turns out he was beating her

You just never know what's really going on with someone

Delete the apps and get on with your own life, it could be worse.

i do think that somepeople are genuinely lucky and fall on their feet more often than not.

but then you have to think at what cost?

Some people have more opportunities or life opens more doors for them

I am sure people probably think I'm one of those people with lots of luck in life I have a wonderful DD, married to a Great man for over a decade been together almost 20 years live in a lovely big house nice car multiple holidays

I'm not boastful as in look at me posts in social media but I do post about my lifestyle/trips etc however I never post about our fertility troubles and not being able to have a second dc. Or when dh was worried about his job or when dc needed life saving surgery which has ongoing life changing implications or parents with cancer or big family fall outs which impact us...

You honestly never know what's going on in anyone's life you only see a snapshot of it so just focus on your own life and achieving your own goals!

I feel like my life has been pretty perfect!
I had and still have parents who love me dearly, siblings I get on with beside normal squabbling, married a man I loved, had 3 children without difficulty and all healthy so far. Parents gave me my first car and a house deposit and other sporadic help over the years. I have loads of support with childcare and I am able to work part time while the kids are young. My job's alright. I did well in exams at school without effort and I'm healthy in major ways myself.

All of that is amazing and so much more than is guaranteed.
But my parents had a very volatile and unhappy marriage (seems to have simmered down now we're all grown but they have their moments) and I had a lot of anxiety throughout my childhood which has scarred me. I was a social outcast at school other than about 3 core friends. Low level bullied my entire school career. The man I loved at 20 was the wrong man for me, so we're still married but haven't been happy for years, if ever. We rub along and sometimes it's worse than others.

I say this to show that 'perfect' is in some ways a mindset. I still think my life has been incredibly lucky. But I don't have everything. No one does. Perhaps you can reframe yours.

Sounds too perfect. Husband may be a controlling idiot for all we know.

No one has a perfect life.

I don't want to be married so that life doesn't sound enviable to me. Horses fit courses.

YANBU. People who get jobs in TV because of who their parents are…..

There are millions of people living in refugee camps, women and girls not allowed to go to school.

We can all feel a bit sorry for ourselves sometimes but it helps to be grateful for what you have instead of being upset someone else has a bit more than you.

yep. For some, life is delivered on a silver platter, things come easily without much effort ( I find these people often to be quite lazy because they always end up with what they want / need without having to try - so why bother?!) Others have to work much harder to achieve the things they want.

I do sometime wonder whether the ‘have it easy’ crew are just masters of manipulating others to work in their favour. It often appears that way!

Yes I knew a couple like that. Money, jobs, string marriage , lovely kids private schools, wanted for nothing, etc

I've ended up never married and no kids.

The woman in that couple is now dying of metastatic cancer in multiple organs.

No one knows what their future holds. Try and be happy for what you have

It's true of course - everyone has a different amount of luck, and it sounds as if this person you are speaking about has loads. And she is probably enjoying it to the max, despite what people in Mumsnet will tell you, and why shouldn't she?

But you also need to consider the ways in which you are lucky. Okay, your parents didn't buy you a house - boohoo. Very few people get that. But do you have a nice place to live? And a nice husband/partner? And a job? And decent health? If so you have things many people lack. These things are not going to make you feel better about your fertility problems, which I suspect are the real issue here, but if you are feeling like she gets everything and you get nothing, remind yourself that is not the case.