AIBU to think life falls perfectly for some people?

We tend not to know what's really going on in other people's lives. Does he have a dicky heart? Does she have depression? Was their kid abused by a music teacher? Covering stuff up is the special power of the middle class....

Having money certainly helps to sort out certain problems and it's better than being on the breadline but it's no guarantee of contentment

Oh, there’s nothing wrong with her wanting that for herself at all. And yes, agreed on that. Why subject yourself to something that is only making you unhappy? At that point it’s a self inflicted injury.

While jealousy and envy may be common emotions, that doesn’t mean indulging them is a good thing. As humans we have many negative traits that are nevertheless common - they’re still negative.

Yes, but there's no shame in the OP wishing that she was one of those lucky people. I never understand why people would make themselves feel worse by being on face book etc, when all it is doing is making them miserable.

Having such solid family support will help alot. So yes I think life is unfair in that way.

I had a friend who had “everything” yet she still found so many things to be bitter and complain about. In the end I had to stop being friends with her for my own MH. She had so much more than me in virtually every aspect of her life but she couldn’t see it or appreciate it.

I think a big problem was she’d never had to go without anything so didn’t appreciate something I might deem a luxury or treat (and enjoy accordingly). She had no major hardships. So even the tiniest issue, she couldn’t deal with. Even though she was well off financially, she’d compare herself to people wealthier than her and complain about it!

When I really got to know her well, I wasn’t envious of her, despite her vast privilege. She was a deeply unhappy person. But only people who knew her very well would see it.

I had a shit childhood and a pretty tough adulthood up to maybe a few years ago, but because of that I appreciate the small things. On paper I don’t have much but I’m genuinely happy with my life. I think when you are privileged and have never known any different, you take it for granted. The same way we take for granted the fact we don’t live in a war torn country or in extreme poverty. You don’t often feel gratitude for what’s always been there.

Both of my sisters have always fallen on their feet.

I have said this many times on here. Get off Insta or only follow cat accounts. It will solve many issues.

Of course YANBU

Life IS better for some people. Bitter folks pretending that everyone is miserable behind closed doors are deluded themselves.

That said, no one's life is 100% perfect, they will have some of their own problems, even if they end up being nowhere near as bad.
It's also true that SOME people don't know how to relativize, and SOME lucky people find insignificant issues a lot harder to deal with.

Take the lucky ones as an inspiration and a goal. Their life are possible, we are not all cursed, we don't all have to be miserable.

The worst you can do is lie to yourself that happy people are only happy in public. That's ridiculous.

Would your friend’s life being worse make your situation better? If it would make you feel better, then what does that say about you that you would find satisfaction in her misfortune?

These threads always involve posters jumping into reassure an OP that X must be secretly miserable/will face terrible hardships, as if fantasising about someone else’s misery is the key to cheering yourself up.

Yes, some people do indeed comparatively breeze through life and do so happily. Good for them, honestly.

I think the stress of TTC and fertility issues can really increase comparisons from my experience. I felt hugely envious of others at that stage in my life. So I think what you’re experiencing is really normal and don’t give yourself a hard time for it.

Two things that helped me massively:

• I deleted all social media! This was enormously beneficial for my mental health and I haven’t looked back - 7 years free from social media now!
• i tried to focus on what I was thankful for, 5 things a day (can be as “small” as “that the sun is shining today” for instance)
• I spent time with people who made me feel good and did things I enjoyed
• also very cheesy but I always find the song “wear sunscreen” a good one when I’m comparing myself to others

good luck

All my friends are from well off families parents still married, help with University and buying a house, family holidays, and help with childcare. I’ve none of that my parents had drug problems now very ill health, I’ve had to do everything myself and struggled to get by financially, no free time now I have a child and no family help. But I’m happy and get on with it. These friends always seem to be worrying about some problem in their lives, things that look insignificant to me, they don’t seem happy or able to cope with small challenges….

Some people have it easier than others. You have it better than a lot of people too, in ways you will never comprehend.

You have to make the best of what you've got.

In the grand scheme of things I am very fortunate, although I’ve overcome one or two life events that’d break some people.

When i feel a bit miserable, i just remind myself how fortunate we are to be alive here and now, in the western world. Clean water, electricity, abundant food. If this was only a few hundred years ago, id have been dead 20 years if I’d survived infancy!

If you look at my life you will see a happily married woman.
Great husband, nice house, in your eyes a perfect family.

Reality is I suffered 5 miscarriages before our first child,
second child was still born.
DH was in and out of work for the first 10 years of married life.
He ended up with severe depression.
I have had cancer.
Both of us lost our fathers young.

It's only in the last 15 years we have started to have a good life.

Sure I'm sure some people do. But the vast majority do not. Most just trudge along taking the good and bad, hoping the former outweighs the latter.
A relative nice said to me 'you've landed on your feet' when I met a lovely, high earning man at 39, married at 40, had first child at 41. But I spent decades on my own (while she has a good career, married at 24 and had a child). And then my husband died suddenly at 51.
My best friend looks like she has it all. SAHP, nice house, kids at private school. But wait - at least seven miscarriages between kids, her husband spent a year in prison for tax evasion...you don't see her posting that news in Facebook!
One friend truly does seemed charmed. Lawyer but now artist, big house. Second home in France, full time housekeeper, loving husband. Oh but wait - her eldest has ME, has dropped out of uni and is struggling after initially coming out of long term anxiety which saw her home schooled up until year 8.

Sorry you are feeling down op, I had fertility problems and it’s shit isn’t it.
Sending you my love and a wish that your dream comes true.

Some people are undoubtedly more fortunate than others. However, this woman is, what..? 30 something? And you're similar? Because that's WAY too soon to talk of the way your lives will fall. I was born into a hard up family. My young years were very 'unlucky' indeed, with parental illness, the early death of my mum, then relationship issues, financial pressures arising from that.. I'm now in my mid 50s, and truly consider myself highly fortunate. Amazing adult children, grandchildren, lovely partner and friends, job I love, nice home, easy stress free life, good health, enough money to enjoy the things I want to do. I'd not swap with anyone. This is partly how my life has fallen, partly the things I've made happen, but also a great deal to do with mindset. Because I've learned not to look at what I don't have, but what I do and that happiness is less getting what you want and more learning to want what you've got.

It does and it doesn't, I don't think we always see the bigger picture of what's going on in their lives.

I'm having a very bitter day today so I get where you're coming from.

I get you.
Abusive marriage and lots of miscarriages makes me feel like this sometimes. BUT we all land high up on the fortuante list. Look at Congo. Palestine. All over. We have rights, clean water, heating, education, a roof and more. SO much of the world is in abject poverty. I am third-generation immigrant to the UK and going back home reminds me of how much we really have. Shit comes and goes. Life happens. Im healthy and alive.

I think it can look as if life falls perfectly for some people, but everyone has their own issues/struggles and you never know what is going on. I had a friend once who had infertility issues over years, and this affected her MH very badly, she had to be hospitalized several times. She had an entry level job in a governmental department, so not a big career by any means, but it was a distraction for her. A mutual friend, with 3 dc, a lovely home and dh, lovely 'making memories' holidays abroad etc etc told me she was so jealous of infertile friend, she was living her dream life, she would love "a job like that". The grass often seems greener in your neighbour's garden.

It does seem that way sometimes. But you never really know what someone is going through. This person might have struggles that you don’t know about. I do understand how you feel. There’s someone in my extended family that had her expensive wedding and the deposit on her house paid for by her and her husband’s parents. It did feel unfair when my husband and I had to save for years for those things. I also wanted a child for forever before I got pregnant, and seeing pregnancy announcements made me very jealous. So I’m not judging you at all for feeling this way, but you should try not to compare your life to others because it isn’t helping you.

Yeah, life's not fair. However, we do have it pretty good here in the UK compared to the rest of the world.

I find it helps to look at how much better your life is than others, rather than look at those doing better.

Hard sometimes to not get jealous. Takes a lot of effort. I don't look at one (ex) friend's socials as they have had so many privileges in life and can't see it.

It's easier to not get jealous of those who have privileges and acknowledge that.

I'm a "glass half full" rather than a glass half empty kind of person and I see it the other way round : several women of my age that I know well have been widowed young or had cancer, or had children with cancer or life-limiting illnesses or just general ill-health or have been the victims of terrible car accidents.
I am healthy and happily married, with DC who are successful in the professions of their choice. My parents didn't set me up in life, DH and I don't earn a fortune but what we have is enough to be contented.

Count your blessings rather than envying what you think are other people's "perfect lifestyles".

I like Elon Musk

How do you know she's any happier though?

People tend to have a default state of happiness, some people are miserable fuckers, some enjoy their lives even when they're objectively shit. Some of the richest, most blessed people I've known are deeply unhappy, in fact I think it's more likely, you're more likely to keep chasing the next dream when you're unhappy with your current lost.

Look at Elon Musk, noone being that much of a twat can actually be happy with their lives.