AIBU to think life falls perfectly for some people?

I also that a lot of lucky people are quite ruthless and self centred underneath a happy persona . They make sure they get what they want by charm and manipulation . They surround themselves with happy fortunate people and environments . I once read a self help book and it said to avoid unhappy , unlucky and unfortunate people and surround yourself with happy successful people . That's a bit harsh and fair weather friend like .

Personally I've always felt lucky in life had a good if not brilliant paying job. which I gave up with a year's worth of redundancy money to start a micro business. Always been popular. Now retired at 55 and have a brilliant part time job with great people. Married 30 years to a lovely person who is my best friend. Great family and in laws. I never have to worry about money as I made some good investments.

But we didn't have children despite several rounds of ivf. My career peaked out and I felt it was due to my accent. My mum died when I was 17, dad when I was 24, a month after I married. I had to retire due to arthritis. I don't really see my family much, they've never really bothered with me.

so you see it's about your view point. Im optimistic, I feel that things will go my way and by and large they do.

Trust me when I say this, the older you get the more you see that the lives you once thought were charmed and perfect are not.
The last few years have taught me that with friends and acquaintances who’ve had plenty to deal with.

I am so sorry for what’s happening with your lives, @Bendrix and @NotFortunate

OP, you are indeed comparing your ‘inside’ to someone else’s ‘outside’ as a PP wisely said.

My children were born in the early 90s. My husband was having an affair, I had terrible pregnancies, we had a tiny house and no money. It was all a bit shit really. Karen Keating ( Google her if you are too young to know who she was) was at the same stage of life as me at the time. She was a TV star, married to a wealthy, handsome man, big house in London blah blah. She was featured in Hello magazine as Designers Guild( hugely expensive fabric etc) had created a nursery for her 2 beautiful children who were the same age as mine. God how I envied her life. She developed breast cancer, fought it for years, but eventually tragically died when her children were just 7 and 8. My children grew up, married,have houses and I'm a granny. I got divorced and remarried a wonderful man. Karen Keating has sadly been gone for 20 years. One of her sons married recently . Don't be jealous of other people. Focus on making your life as good as it can be. I dare say there are plenty of people who were jealous of the current Princess of Wales. The poster girl for perfect lives. Nothing is perfect forever. Be glad of the good things you have even if they don't look as shiny as other people's.

Yes, I've long accepted life is like this. There is no such thing as 'karma' and 'luck' and bad luck is not distributed equally.

People say 'you don't know what is going on behind closed doors' which is true, but often this is said to make people feel better. Maybe their life is even better behind closed doors?

It's true that some bad things in life are unavoidable - we will all experience loss and grief, and we will all die.

But feeling jealous of others is pointless as it will not make you happy nor change the situation.

I think it's because they are liked . If people like you they make life easy for you , will overlook faults and help you out when you need it and are co operative and pleasant . Doors open for them because people like having them around .

Comparison is the thief of joy, you are right there. Also, social media shows a highlight reel of people's best lives, not reality. That said, there are always people who have it easier than you or I. And in turn there will be people who you have it easier than. And things can change quickly too. I knew a beautiful girl in university. Wealthy, clever, lovely, had an impressive career comparatively early, married well, travelled, had perfect kids. One child died from cancer and the marriage ended from the stress etc. It's not like one person 'gets' everything and it's like that forever. Anything could happen. It's overwhelming to think about.

I pressed post too soon, I was going say I'm not going to type any cliched shit about comparison is the thief of joy or think how privileged you are compared to people elsewhere in the world. I just think the one certainty every single person everywhere has one thing in common and that's that we are all going to die. It's a 100% certainty. When that happens (and in my mind very much at the moment is "how" that happens) varies.

And I would be lying if I said I'm not feeling slightly bitter and envious of people who aren't in my position. It's natural to feel some sort of envy in any situation really, but I'd save my envy for "bigger" or more important situations like that, not peoples instagram edits of their lives. Save your envy while you can, don't waste it

It grates on me that some truly horrible people get amazing luck and some truly lovely people have been through hell .

I get the feeling that the more people post on instagram, the deader and emptier their lives 😂 Why try so hard to curate a life image for people?
You don’t know what goes on In peoples’ families and relationships. It could be a shitshow but that stuff doesn’t make it to Instagram.

You’re right. But we’ve already won the lottery by being born in a free democracy with education, healthcare and safety nets with a government which mostly follows the rules. Instead of comparing your life to hers, try comparing your life to a young mother in Afghanistan or even a young person in the UK who may be caring for a parent or sibling and unable to follow their dreams. Write a gratitude diary daily which will help you reset your way of thinking.

Yes, some people are fortunate enough to have what to most of us is a charmed existence.

As long as they don't use that/their ignorance of reality for the rest of the population as a reason to be abusive, obstructive or in any other way offensive or hurtful to others, good for them.

And for everybody else, they've got stuff going on in the background that we aren't privy to. As long as they aren't exploiting others less fortunate on the basis of a false image, they can crack on as well.

The ones that deserve contempt or ire are those who pretend their life is perfect in order to extract money, admiration, authority or extra privileges over people they're misleading - a religious leader claiming their fortune and perfect life is down to God and you can have that too if you only keep sending them money, an influencer who sells shite/books on how to be as good as them, a politician who declares that because they happened to get in their position because they were just better than the rest of us and not the top level education, Dad calling in favours to get them into the best university, the parents remortgaging their fifth house to set them up in business and bail them out five times before they discovered the best aesthetic for their SM presence; they're the scum.

Yes - a lot of "perfect" people are driven to this ideal of perfection because they are so hard on themselves.

It's a miserable way to live, still it gives them great photos...

Im sure it’s already been said but, there is always always someone more fortunate than you. And a hell of a lot of people less fortunate. I think gratitude is massively under appreciated when it comes to learning to be happy and live a content life. This is absolutely not a criticism but finding a way to be happy for the life you have will enable you to not compare, and live contently. (Obv this isn’t always possible, especially if you have been dealt a really awful hand in life)

jealousy is an emotion, like anger, sadness, happiness. It’s natural and there is nothing wrong with feeling it but you can’t let it negatively affect your life.

On the outside, some people would say life was "falling pretty perfectly" for me although I don't use social medial like Instagram or Facebook etc. I was fortunate to be born into an already wealthy family, have healthy and happy (apart from some tricky teenage periods!) children, married very young and so have also had long and genuinely very happy marriage, good job etc. I did even get the odd "you're so lucky/your life looks so perfect" type remarks from acquaintances.

I'm not fortunate really because that I'm going to die soon, and thinking of my children and husband grieving for me, is the absolutely worst feeling in the world. Knowing it but not knowing exactly when is also terrible, as is imaging my husband and children having the same feeling. I take comfort in the fact I have managed to see my children into their adulthood (and that really was luck as I happened to meet my husband and marry unusually young. Ironically he is a lot older!) and that my life insurances will give my children a good inheritance.

I can imagine in future years, in that light, people looking at my children from the outside would think they "landed on their feet" and are very privileged, possibly posting bitchy comments about them on media forums. I don't give a fuck to be honest, just like don't I really give a fuck how other people see me "on paper".

It's an odd one and some people don't like it when nice things happen after shite. Everyone thought my 1st marriage was great. I didn't want to be with him due to emotional and financial abuse. Struggled for a while to get pregnant then had a prem baby. Left when baby was young and admittedly struggled for a few years. Some friends were great at this time. However now I'm remarried and have a bigger house some have fallen away. I have no idea what's going to come for me or then so why be envious? I would have liked a 2nd child but now too old and scared to have another prem

Just remember OP, struggles, hardships, depression, money worries, marriage problems never make it to Instagram or Social Media or their outside bubble.
I used to be terrible for this, but myself too have struggled and after 3 miscarriages and mental health struggles I cannot control the outcome of everything and everyone and I am trying to just live day by day and always remember the positives.
To me, I have a home, a lovely dog, a lovely partner and I wake up healthy every single day.. not always happy, sad or a millionaire…I’m getting there. Just hold on tight, remember you only live once, don’t waste it on comparing and treasure the life you have. Remember not everyone in the world makes it half as far, sending hugs xxx

We can never know what other people's lives are like and often our assumptions are wrong.

I read an article in the paper this weekend about somebody whose name I remembered as being an editor of a magazine and when DCs were young I used to read her editorials and think she had it all - a great job, lovely husband and baby, fantastic lifestyle and perks, etc. The article now tells how her husband died while she was pregnant with DD2, her DD1 died aged 6, her second marriage imploded, she was made redundant and spent time suffering severe depression and PTSD.
Even people who don't have those major traumas face their own difficulties so all we can do is make the best of all we have and be grateful for that

I'm a great believer in making your own luck in the world. In my experience, the people who moan about how shit their lives are tend to attract more shit. It's almost a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Bad things happen to all of us. Nobody gets through life without some kind of stress, be that work, relationships, health, bereavement. What you can control is your reaction to it.

There's always someone richer, prettier, cleverer... just as there's always someone worse off. Be thankful for what you have. Life is too short to not make the most of it,

Your friend does have rainy days, but faces them with a smile.
All this lucky people do have issues, but they focus on celebrating what they have and being happy and content.
Of course, it is more difficult to put a perfect facade if we have health issues or major finantial difficulties. I wish yoyr TTC will go smoothly. Fingers crossed for you.

…but at least she probably feels no need to tell others how superior she is!

Of course some people have better life’s than others, I mean compared to a huge part of the world you’re living a privileged life despite struggles. Whenever I feel a bit peeved with this kind of thing I try and count my blessings and we are blessed living in a safe part of the world (assuming you do)

If your own life looked as falling perfectly too, think that you would be the subject of gossips from some bitter jealous people - like some posters on here - who would be making up all sort of stories about you to pretend you were in fact miserable.

You are right, it's not fair, but hopefully if you are TTC it means you have a supportive and caring partner?

Would you be as jealous of her if she also would struggle to fall pregnant? Is it really about what she has and how she is, or more about the baby you don't have (but imagine her having sooner than you) ?