Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is she really my best friend?

86 replies

firsttimemumchar · 08/07/2024 13:05

I’m due my first baby in a couple of weeks, and since finding out my best friend has been very odd.

Have seen her three times since finding out - keeps cancelling all the time saying she’s poorly but then I see she’s out elsewhere. A few days before we’re due to meet I get the typical message “oh I’ve got a sore throat” and then I just know what’s coming on the day we’re meant to meet up.

has said some quite hurtful things about the things we’ve bought for the nursery being too expensive, explained I will have rules when baby is here such a no kissing her and told I’m treating the baby like a possession. My close family member is getting married when I’m 39 weeks, I’m meant to be bridesmaid. Best friend said I looked like a pink whale or a huge canopy in my bridesmaid dress. been a fair few comments on how “fat” I look with my bump too.

Can’t decided if I’m being over sensitive because I’m so close to my due date or whether or not I should just take this with a pinch of salt and laugh it all off

OP posts:
Original poster
firsttimemumchar · 09/07/2024 16:13

MNisHarshSometimes · 09/07/2024 10:55

It's not kind to be treated like this by a friend.

However, I know a new mum who talks about NOTHING else about the baby. She doesn't listen to anything any of us say any more and turns any conversations back to her baby. She was like this from the moment she got pregnant.

It's difficult as I want to support her but realistically it's getting very boring and I'm no longer enjoying her company!

I do obviously talk about the baby a lot, but we’d tried for over three and a half years so it’s a big big deal. She knows the fertility issues we had and the heartbreak it took to get here etc. I still show a lot of interest in her and her children too, because I was worried about being one of those people

OP posts:
Original poster
firsttimemumchar · 09/07/2024 16:12

Subfusc · 09/07/2024 07:31

And you haven’t just asked her what’s going on, if you’ve been close for 16 years? Would you normally have seen her far more frequently than you have during your pregnancy? What do you reply when she says your baby purchases are too expensive or that you look fat?

Show quote history

Yes of course I have asked several times what the issue is and I just get the same back oh it’s a baby it’ll grow out of everything etc. she knows the fat comments will get to me, as I had a lot of issues with food many many years ago where I was getting a lot of professional help

OP posts:
MNisHarshSometimes · 09/07/2024 10:55

It's not kind to be treated like this by a friend.

However, I know a new mum who talks about NOTHING else about the baby. She doesn't listen to anything any of us say any more and turns any conversations back to her baby. She was like this from the moment she got pregnant.

It's difficult as I want to support her but realistically it's getting very boring and I'm no longer enjoying her company!

Subfusc · 09/07/2024 07:31

firsttimemumchar · 09/07/2024 07:21

She’s been my best friend for 16 years, and it’s only since getting pregnant she’s behaved in this way

Show quote history

And you haven’t just asked her what’s going on, if you’ve been close for 16 years? Would you normally have seen her far more frequently than you have during your pregnancy? What do you reply when she says your baby purchases are too expensive or that you look fat?

Original poster
firsttimemumchar · 09/07/2024 07:21

Subfusc · 09/07/2024 07:03

I don’t see where people are getting ‘jealousy’. Nothing the OP has said suggests jealousy. This woman appears to behave consistently unpleasantly towards the OP, and often to cancel their arrangements at the last minute. Clearly no love lost. But these types of post are always mysterious because it frequently seems as if the OP is using ‘best friend’ to mean ‘someone who is often nasty to me’.

She’s been my best friend for 16 years, and it’s only since getting pregnant she’s behaved in this way

OP posts:
Subfusc · 09/07/2024 07:03

I don’t see where people are getting ‘jealousy’. Nothing the OP has said suggests jealousy. This woman appears to behave consistently unpleasantly towards the OP, and often to cancel their arrangements at the last minute. Clearly no love lost. But these types of post are always mysterious because it frequently seems as if the OP is using ‘best friend’ to mean ‘someone who is often nasty to me’.

crockofshite · 09/07/2024 05:35

Liv999 · 08/07/2024 13:17

She sounds jealous but I don't know why if she has two kids herself, anyway she's definitely not your friend, friends don't bring you down

She IS jealous , she doesn't want OP to have what she's got.

Original poster
firsttimemumchar · 09/07/2024 05:30

Itonlytakesone · 08/07/2024 21:00

@firsttimemumchar

I think she's a little obsessed with you😂. If it was me I'd probably archive her for a bit and let her sweat that way she wont get those blue ticks, she's keeping track on you so go off the radar don't give her the satisfaction of the answer to her stupid questions

This is exactly what my husband has made me do!! He says pretty much the same as you all, I don’t know how long I’ve got left until she’s here so I need to relax, be stress free and enjoy what will be my final weeks pregnant (or days!!!!)

OP posts:
Itonlytakesone · 08/07/2024 21:00

@firsttimemumchar

I think she's a little obsessed with you😂. If it was me I'd probably archive her for a bit and let her sweat that way she wont get those blue ticks, she's keeping track on you so go off the radar don't give her the satisfaction of the answer to her stupid questions

Picklewicklepickle · 08/07/2024 21:00

OMG she’s bullying you, I’d block her for a while so you can enjoy your last few weeks of pregnancy and your lovely new baby when they arrive, in peace.

kittybiscuits · 08/07/2024 20:56

She's your frenemy!

Original poster
firsttimemumchar · 08/07/2024 20:54

Thankyou everyone. I’ve had messages tonight from her asking if my baby has arrived and to “get on with it”. I’m still only 37 weeks so has made me feel like I’m now failing at pregnancy. Even though I’m not, and my husband has given me a good kick up the arse!

OP posts:
Naunet · 08/07/2024 18:03

I hate how jealousy is almost almost applied as a motive for women, but in this case, I think it’s true. Next time she makes a comment like that, I’d tell her it was hurtful and it’s not the first time and ask her what’s going on.

NewAgain123 · 08/07/2024 15:41

She's not your friend, she's jealous.

I wouldn't be making any further plans with her.

LauderSyme · 08/07/2024 15:38

She is being very unkind and not at all friendly.

GiveItAGoMalcom · 08/07/2024 15:35

Can’t decided if I’m being over sensitive because I’m so close to my due date or whether or not I should just take this with a pinch of salt and laugh it all off

Oh come for goodness sake, you know the answer.

Whatmonth · 08/07/2024 15:30

She is a bit**.

Venice241 · 08/07/2024 15:12

She is not your friend and the very last person you will need around you and your new baby.

She sounds nasty and deliberately unkind.
She could compromise your mental health when you are fragile and vulnerable after having your baby by undermining you.

Stop contacting her at all.
Focus on other friends and making friends with new local mums to you.

KreedKafer · 08/07/2024 15:03

She sounds like an absolute horror of a woman. Best friend? I wouldn't put up with that from my worst enemy.

Duckswaddle · 08/07/2024 14:31

Jealousy I’m afraid. I’d keep contact with her to an absolute minimum.

buma · 08/07/2024 14:29

Oh I can see you've said she has kids.
Weird that she's acting that way when she already has children!

Could she be trying for a third or had a miscarriage recently?

buma · 08/07/2024 14:28

My best friend did the exact same thing when I was pregnant with my first & bought our house. Little comments here and there about how I'd be massive, vagina would be huge, how hard it would be for me because I couldn't drive, how I'd be skint, my house wasn't big enough etc.

We had been friends since we were 3. She mentioned one day how she'd been really jealous. She'd been with her partner a lot longer and didn't have kids or own her house and how she felt like she was behind everyone. She was totally normal once I'd given birth!

It sounds like your friend is jealous. I would be inclined to message her and say you've noticed the comments and it's making you feel like shit etc. I'm sure she will apologise and back down after that. She's probably struggling to accept that your life is going to be different to hers. Does she want children?

Itonlytakesone · 08/07/2024 13:43

I think she's jealous because her kids are older and she probably misses that newborn stage and all the attention you and your new baby will get. Enjoy your baby it's your first too nothing should ruin this special time for you Smile

HalfwayToHell · 08/07/2024 13:23

You surely don't need us to tell you that she's not a friend.

Friends support you and bring positives to your life, they build you up, not knock you down.

Distance yourself from her.

KimberleyClark · 08/07/2024 13:17

firsttimemumchar · 08/07/2024 13:13

No she has two children herself, it’s all just so upsetting and obviously not what I want or need when I’m due soon

Show quote history

Ah. Well it may be that she has always been “the one with kids” and now you’re having one of your own she can’t feel superior to you any more.