How do I tactfully propose sharing the bill in restaurants?

This is a nice approach

Why?

It's really nice to be able to pay for dinner or whatever for your parents. I did this at 15 after earning my first pay - and have always paid for their meals at least 50% of the time

" Shall we all put 100 each in the kitty for meals out to start with. We can always top up when necessary

I also like @Gofastboatsmojito suggestion, it gets straight to the point and sets expectations clearly but in a very positive way.

the tone of this message is perfect. I’d sdy it (not text it), in advance.

I hope to be able to treat my dc when older but I also hope to be honest about my money and earning situation.
If I can't afford it I would say I'd love to go out for a meal, can we split the bill..

I’d tell them in advance so they can budget for it, and either exchange currency at a preferential rate, or apply for a card which has no fees when used abroad. I’d just say something really blunt along the lines of now everyone is earning, it makes sense for bills to be split among the group. But my family is fairly blunt in communication.Then suggest options how it would work best in the group: an app like Splitwise, a kitty, one couple pays for everything then divides up afterwards.

We almost always pay for adult dds and their spouse/partner (all now 40s/early 50s) since we have more spare cash and no mortgage or dependent dcs/childcare costs.

Now and then they do try to insist - occasionally successfully, like the time a dd said she was just going to the loo - taking no purse or handbag - she’d put a credit card down her bra!

Can you all get Monzo cards as you can set up a shared group on there and all the costs in the pot get split equally at the end of the trip? So you’re not having to split bills at the restaurant, it just automatically sorts it based on who’s paid what during the trip. Then any meals you want to treat, you just pay for it on a separate card.

Talk to them about it before you go. Say you are happy to treat them from time to time but as a default they need to pay their way now they are earning.

My children always pay for me when we go out and have done since they started in full time employment. Yours need to start paying their way. There is an app called split wise that you could send them the link to which is useful.

I'd tackle it more head on and positively:

Right offspring. Now that you are both fully fledged adults earning your own money I'm incredibly proud of you both. This holiday feels less the right time to mark the changing dynamic and so I'd like us to start splitting lunch and dinner bills like equal adults. We can do this by means of a kitty we all pay into, or I'm more than happy to have a rota and take turns.
Be warned i will still slip into mum woth young children mode any buy you the odd icecream!

My parents could afford it and often pay but the fact that neither of them are choosing to pick up the tab is a problem. My dad will fight me for the bill but I often nip to the loo to pick up the bill on the way. Because that’s fair.

They could split it 50/50 and treat their mum for once.

As earning adults it’s rude and impolite.

OP- you just need to have a chat with them about how because of xyz you can’t pick up the bill all the same. If they can’t afford don’t want to stick their hands in their pocket for a meal out, suggest meeting up for coffee and cafe instead again.

Do you have adult children?

If I could afford it I’d always pay for
my children

I know some people do this, but I just can’t. I always pick up the bill for all my children. We have two extra ones who often join us too and I pick the bill up for them as well.
I can afford it like you can and it gives me pleasure to be with them. However, maybe you could suggest a kitty to cover drinks and lunches.

Yeah they definitely should be paying their way, one off meal for a special occasion at home - yeah I'd pay as the parent but not every meal/drinks on holiday.

’(DC name) please make sure you get enough euro for the holiday- now that you’re earning, it would be good if you could pay for your own restaurant meals/food while we’re away. We’re saving for our retirement/ cruise/ house project’

I would text before saying ‘should we kitty up before or when we get there for meals out and if we need to add in extra we can do that there’.

that way you set the expectation that it will be shared and offering solution for them to object to. Any decency about them they won’t or come back with alternative paying suggestions.