To find this really weird and annoying

Can you get a planter or plant pots and fill them with wildflowers or conifers or roses to stop them getting down the side? Then prioritise getting a fence and gate put in as you will need to secure the garden for the baby at some point.

With the rest of the garden and it's appearance, it's up to you, it's your house and if you're happy with how it looks, then leave it.

Some people like neat and tidy, some people like wild and natural and some people don't care and leave it to look like it's abandoned.

I'm the type that has a wildflower garden, I leave some weeds but I make sure things like paths and steps are weed free and in good condition to avoid the abandoned house look

Can't you just ask them to use the front door? And then not answer if the knock at the back door. Open a window and shout out 'go round the front please!' Also, if they tell you off about dandelions, point out that these are pollinators and good for wildlife and weedkiller is toxic to the environment!

Although I also really like Fraebonniebentos' idea of 1,024 A4 signs...

Exquisite diagram- especially the amended boobs akimbo version 👏 It must just be the done thing in the cul-de-sac, but as a fellow naked in the house person, I would also be annoyed by this.

I think I would start opening the front door and calling hello when they come knocking at the back. Stand your ground and they will have to nosey on back around to the front. Tell them your back door is jammed so can they please use the front. Rinse and repeat until they change their back door ways?

Also I could not be arsed with them telling me to use weed killer! Tell them the weeds are good for insects and you're leaving them intentionally (and to piss off being such busy bodies 🤣)

First of all, I am impressed that you can stop your breasts from being akimbo, especially after having a baby. We have a similar problem here in that the house next door was rebuilt and their back door now faces on to our non-frosted window bathroom. There is at least a hedge in the way but the odd nipple (in fact they are probably both odd) could be seen through the leaves, especially if the doves have been hauling them about (the leaves not the nipples) trying to make a nest. I say, blow it, there house was built after ours and I'm not paying for new windows. I would imagine that if you were dancing about, with a dandelion over each errr... zone, it might be enough to put them off doing it and would be worth it for the rumours.

Ask them to use the front door or get a side gate.

Failing that, a big notice at the start of the sideway telling them to use the front door.

Yes, this - big bold printed A4 sign - but then, if they ignore it, print off a second one and stick it up next to the first one. Every time they ignore it, double the number of identical signs - like you see on the windows of closed-down shops when the circus is coming to town.

Will they get the message with 4 signs? 8? 16? 32? 1,024?!

Or you could just print off a single sign to stick up on the back door saying 'All visitors: please use the front door' - with an arrow directing them back the way they came.

People will still ignore any signs that you put up - salespeople also still knock in spite of clear signs saying not to - but it's satisfying to be able to point to them and humiliate them for their obvious stupidity educate them for a future occasion!

Fab diagram; not to lower the tone but the name you gave the ‘back entrance’ made me snigger 🤭. No wonder they keep trying to use it!

Very weird and you need to say something. Also maybe a way to deter is by adding a side fence, with gate locked from the garden side, for safety when you have a toddler.. (have only read OPs posts so probably has already been mentioned!)

haha yep OP I agree - diagram of the year award goes to you! Definitely generational I think. I would put a fence or at the very least some big old spiky plants (or perhaps the bins) down the side so they can't walk down to get to your back door. When they do knock on the back door, I would open the front door and just shout 'Helloooooooooo, come round the front!' or something like that.

Yes, Yorkshire born and bred. Always the back door. The front door was never used. However, how do I start a vote calling for you to be the official diagram drawer on Mumsnet???

My grandparents’ (then my dad’s) place in Dorset. was identical to this. A cul de sac of bungalows where the front doors were for post and formal visits by strangers only. Not years ago, until last year when he died. They left the back door unlocked and it had a handle on the outside. Neighbours and other regular deliverers Eg. Milkman would always come to the back, knock briefly and then just open the door and come in. As a Londoner it would really startle me.

Just like your house, it was far longer to go to the back of the house. I couldn’t work out why they did it as it wasn’t that convenient to walk around their house, not to mention not allowing privacy etc. It seemed to me like the front door was like the front parlour. A space saved for formal occasions only. A neighbour using the front door would seem rude and pushy.

OP I think it must be a cultural/generational thing rather than your neighbours being weird. Just tell them what you prefer though and ignore the lawn thing!

Good god, the diagram was improved. Joyful naked lady now the unofficial mascot of MN? She looks like she should be carved into a chalk hillside somewhere.

Sounds like a nosey neighbour, put a little note on back door stating you only answer front door.

I read the OP and thought 'bet she's in Yorkshire!'

And, my word, your diagram is a thing of beauty.

Sparky responses are not allowed for OPs who do such exceptional diagrams (especially if they have naked dancing lady)

Enlarge the diagram (boobie person included) and put it on the path…let the neighbours study it and try finding their way to your front door…like a map.

This has made me so happy 😂

Tell them to use your front door and outline the reasons in the diagram 😂😂😂

Given your excellent diagrams and lack of resource to buy a gate, there is only one solution:

You need to turn this into a sport with ever increasing and weird obstacles (a slalom of garden gnomes, a loosely strung line of eye height big knickers, crime scene tape?).

Please report back with more diagrams and how successful your neighbour has been.

Just when I thought the diagram couldn't get any better, you added boobs akimbo. Fabulous😂

Normal to use the back door where I live.

The solution is to just speak. You know, like tell them not to go round the back. No fence. No gate. Just a few movements of the tongue around the inside the mouth to make a few words. That's right. Words.

Also, I remember Bill Bryson confirming my "it's a Yorkshire thing" suspicions in one of his books....... He was caught nude by a neighbour from memory (I read it 25 years ago so could be wrong!)

Yes I was horrified by this when I moved here. I was told I was wrong and it was much nicer, much friendlier. I put up with it at my last house but when I moved I set very firm boundaries with my neighbours. I do not want to hear "Yoo Hoo!" and see Mrs Smith banging on my kitchen window when I am staggering around the kitchen at 8am!

Your diagram 🌟!
Dandelions bothering them? Moot the idea that you’re happy to have a rabbit and rabbit run in the front garden.
Install a ring doorbell and through the app tell them to use the front door if they so much as venture past it.
(I’m in their age group btw and having fun here.)