Am I not contributing enough?

This. He's being a thick c*nt. He needs well and truly putting straight. I'd start by getting weekend work and leaving him to do everything.

I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s being like this because after having a child he’s feeling ‘neglected’, aka wife isn’t satisfying his sexual ‘needs’, never mind her being knackered from doing all of the childcare, housework, working full time, oh and all of the cooking as well…

Your husband sounds like an idiot. You are both working full time, plus you are also doing all the childcare, housework, cooking and cleaning, but he does none of this? And then he has the nerve to say that he's subsidising your lifestyle? I'd tell him in no uncertain terms where he can stick his comments!

It's not about financial contribution, you are married! You should be a team. Just because you earn less, doesn't mean that you have to make up for this by putting in more effort in other ways. If you are both working full time, other chores should also be split equally. Wages should be pooled and spent together on mortgage, bills, nursery, child needs etc. You may choose to put in a percentage of your wages, or just pool the lot, but either way there needs to be more equity in this relationship, and you shouldn't be made to feel that your job is a 'joke' just because you don't earn as much as your husband.

My DH has always earned more than me. At times I worked partime when my children were little, and now work longer hours, but I still don't earn as much as he does. He has never, ever once told me that my job is a joke, or that I need to do more at home to make up the financial difference. We have always pooled all our finances, and help equally with childcare/housework to ensure that we both have roughly equal personal spends and equal quality leisure time.
If you can't work as a team when you are married, then what is the point of being married? You may as well just be two housemates.

I think, add yourself to the mortgage. It may not be necessarily legally but psychologically it matters. Your husband has assigned himself the 'important' role along traditional lines while trivialising your contribution. Why not each pay a percentage according to your earnings. Rethink on the housework and cooking ie share it fairly. If he won't do this, rethink him.

Why are there threads like this on here every day. Why are you not on the mortgage? Why are you paying household expenses separately? What does he contribute to the household on terms of looking after HIS children, cleaning HIS house?

We pay proportionally into our joint account according to our earnings, all bills come out of thr joint account and we are both left with equal amounts of spending money each month - regardless of how much each of us earns. It works for us and to me seems fair. We divide up the housework, he cooks and cleans the bathroom, I do the DC admin etc.

Trying to work and looking after a toddler at the same time doesn’t sound like a lifestyle to be envious of. Perhaps he should try it!

Can I just point out, that the whole of the UK is not the same. In Scotland if your name isn't on the deeds, you have absolutely no stake in the property in the case of divorce. The same with inheritance.

Why wouldn't he? If they are not together it doesn't affect his earnings

If he were made to do his 50% of child care, it absolutely would. He would have to go part time, or outsource child care, which would not change his wage, but would certainly change his expenses

Tell him that you are subsidising his lifestyle because when you leave he'll have to look after his own kid all the time and pay all the nursery fees.

(I know you'd probably want to see your kid but that's how he's currently thinking about you - all kid costs belong to you)

Your husband is the joke.

"Subsidizing your lifestyle" is right out of the handbook of emotionally abusive and manipulative men. He can get lost with that.

Why wouldn't he? If they are not together it doesn't affect his earnings

Your husband is the problem, not your contribution. A long-term relationship, whether married or not, ebbs and flows where one party may do more at any given time and then the balance shifts. I understand that it suits some couples to keep separate finances but your DH's feeling of being hard-done-by is toxic. Your contribution is huge, OP.

Well that's kind of irrelevant as he wouldn't have to pay all that stuff anyway. He only has to pay a percentage of his income in child support ( think might be 12-15%) No requirements for him to pay spousal maintenance or half of childcare. No requirements for him to even see the child tbh

Another dickhead his wife would be better off without....
😡

I NEVER understand this split of money/responsibilities. You're MARRIED for pete's sake. You're a team, financially, emotionally, practically. Both of your money should be for both of you and the kids.

Gosh! You are absolutely contributing more than enough! What exactly does contribution look like to him!? Finances are just ONE way to contribute to a household...would he even be able to earn £100k if it wasn't for your contribution? I very much doubt it!

This.

Why on earth are you not on the mortgage??? That is a huge error that needs sorting!

Changingplace · Today 08:27
Beezknees · Today 08:25
Why are you not on the mortgage?

For goodness sake.
In the UK if you’re married it’s kind of irrelevant.

Agree slightly, as in divorce it would be 50/50, but currently she could not prevent him from putting loans against the house, or taking out money and remortgaging, or selling it.
There is a way she can register an interest in the house, and with his attitude I would be inclined to do this.
Could someone post the link on how to do this? OP may not wish to, but knowledge is useful.

This.

This. And also, does your employer know you have no childcare on your wfh days? Since there's absolutely no way this isn't impacting on your performance, your colleagues,nor alternatively, on your child. They really should be in nursery ln those days.

Have you done a time budget for you as a family? I bet you come out with less free time.

Why aren't you on the mortgage?

Why do you do all the cleaning, housework and childcare?

Your h sounds like a stupid, selfish, sexist pig.

Your husband is a dick. He is not subsidising your lifestyle, you are supporting him to enable his. Add up the cost of childcare for two days a week, a housekeeper, a cook, and a cleaner and I think you’ll find that in fact you are the net contributor, not him. In your shoes I would make that very clear to him and tell him that if he made a “joke” like that again, he will need to start looking to pay to fill all of those roles because I’d be leaving.

He sounds like an absolute twat.

40k isn't even a modest salary. And on top of his you have a really large household income.

Why do you do ALL the housework and childcare? What's his contribution, beyond the financial?

I'm concerned however that you are - two days a week - trying to juggle your job, childcare of a toddler, AND household chores. That's not a sustainable way to work and either your job or your child will be missing out.