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Being disgusted now about dating a smoker

82 replies

apeo · 08/07/2024 07:03

We've been together a year. I wasn't bothered at the start by smoking. I'd dated someone who smoked before but they were impeccable with oral hygiene

My partner is not at all. I absolutely hate the smoking now. He stinks all the time. I refuse to kiss him. I hate being in the cars with him when he talks. I don't mind smokers breath it's the fact he doesn't clean his teeth/mouth well enough and it becomes horrendous.

He doesn't drink water only full fat drinks which makes the situation so much worse.

He's 28 with only 4 back teeth and are all black and tiny. He constantly gets fillings and toothache, I've never known of teeth to be tiny especially back teeth.

He wonders why I won't kiss him yet I've said so many times his oral hygiene isn't good enough. We don't live together so when he is here, he appears to brush his teeth but you could not tell he does even minutes after brushing. I know for sure on days he stays at his own house he does not brush. His tooth brush doesn't move from the spot he left it in

I can't tell my in life friends about this because I'm beyond embarrassed.

I've asked multiple times for it to get better but he won't do it.

I miss being able to kiss someone without the fear my mouth will be infected with cavities (I read they pass on via saliva) and just not wanting to.

It's so embarrassing for me to think he just cannot commit to cleaning his teeth etc. but it's been so long anyway could he ever have a clean healthy mouth?

I know who his ex is and she's exactly the same. She was an all day all night weed smoker and her mouth is the same with black unclean teeth

I can't stand it and I dunno what to do

OP posts:
TheCadoganArms · 08/07/2024 11:42

Anyone who has allowed their poor personal hygiene to result in a pie hole full of rotten teeth before they are 30 has issues. If you are not embarrassed by such a publicly visible statement of grimness then I dread to think what other issues lie hidden. Four month old piss and shit stained pants? Year old sweaty unchanged bedsheets? Not washing your hands after taking a crap? A cheesy knob that smells like a camembert left out in the sun? Euugh

steff13 · 08/07/2024 11:31

I wouldn't date a smoke her personally but I certainly wouldn't date someone with bad hygiene. I think it's time to end the relationship.

Out of curiosity what, "full fat" drinks is he drinking? Like milk?

Ginkypig · 08/07/2024 11:29

The smoking is a red herring.

he doesn’t brush his teeth (or any type of oral hygiene) to the point where his teeth are rotting out of his mouth.

This isn’t going to work as a relationship for you I don’t know why this is a question for you.

you don’t really need this thread. You know what you want to do and it’s ok.

infact forgetting about this actual issue I hope you know you can end a relationship for any reason or infact no reason.

US2gether · 08/07/2024 11:16

Yuck. He has no standards. Itcwill get worse.

Disgusting. I struggle with people who smoke anyway, they smell when talking to you. I couldn't kiss one let alone share a home with one.

fleabites · 08/07/2024 10:45

Just end it with him.
I don't really know why you have to ask.
You've made him away of it, asked him to improve it and he hasn't.
Goodbye.

Excited101 · 08/07/2024 10:06

Why are your standards so low that you’ve not dumped him yet?!

would you want to live like this forever? Would you want him to be the father of your children?

If not, then get rid and move on!

Livelovebehappy · 08/07/2024 10:01

Surprised you even have to ask. Sounds like it’s got intolerable, so the only option is to give him an ultimatum, and if he doesn’t care enough to change his smoking habits and oral hygiene, just walk away. Live’s too short.

Jc2001 · 08/07/2024 09:36

apeo · 08/07/2024 07:03

We've been together a year. I wasn't bothered at the start by smoking. I'd dated someone who smoked before but they were impeccable with oral hygiene

My partner is not at all. I absolutely hate the smoking now. He stinks all the time. I refuse to kiss him. I hate being in the cars with him when he talks. I don't mind smokers breath it's the fact he doesn't clean his teeth/mouth well enough and it becomes horrendous.

He doesn't drink water only full fat drinks which makes the situation so much worse.

He's 28 with only 4 back teeth and are all black and tiny. He constantly gets fillings and toothache, I've never known of teeth to be tiny especially back teeth.

He wonders why I won't kiss him yet I've said so many times his oral hygiene isn't good enough. We don't live together so when he is here, he appears to brush his teeth but you could not tell he does even minutes after brushing. I know for sure on days he stays at his own house he does not brush. His tooth brush doesn't move from the spot he left it in

I can't tell my in life friends about this because I'm beyond embarrassed.

I've asked multiple times for it to get better but he won't do it.

I miss being able to kiss someone without the fear my mouth will be infected with cavities (I read they pass on via saliva) and just not wanting to.

It's so embarrassing for me to think he just cannot commit to cleaning his teeth etc. but it's been so long anyway could he ever have a clean healthy mouth?

I know who his ex is and she's exactly the same. She was an all day all night weed smoker and her mouth is the same with black unclean teeth

I can't stand it and I dunno what to do

Get rid obviously but I'm surprised it took this long to come to this conclusion. Surely you would have spotted this after about a week.

ScrunchyHippie · 08/07/2024 09:31

Oh my god, get rid! You can’t build a life with someone who physically disgusts you and who doesn’t have enough respect for himself or you to maintain basic hygiene. He disgusts you - there is no future in this relationship!

icelolly12 · 08/07/2024 09:25

And when you say he only drinks 'full fat drinks' and not water if you mean coke etc rather than milk then no wonder his teeth are rotting away- he's bathing them in sugar

Custardcream84 · 08/07/2024 09:25

TheBizzies · 08/07/2024 07:55

I've been married 30 years and I haven't seen my husbands back teeth.

you don't like him so leave him

Of course you have. Have you never seen them smile or laugh out loud? You’ve probably just not noticed because their teeth are fine. If they were black stumps you would.

Bumcake · 08/07/2024 09:25

Why would you stick around? A year in is still early days, this is when people find they’re not compatible and split up.

If kissing is off the table then you’ve got nothing much to gain by persisting with this.

SamW98 · 08/07/2024 09:24

Are you really that desperate to have a man that you tolerate this grubby creature rather than be single?

Honestly threads on MN just astound me at times with what some women put up with just to say they’ve bagged a bloke

Why not just marry this keeper and be repulsed for the rest your life but hey at least you’ve got a man eh

icelolly12 · 08/07/2024 09:23

If you can't bring yourself to kiss him, and the thought of kissing him makes you feel ill, you've got the ick and there's no going back. The attraction is dead, he sounds absolutely disgusting and why you even need to make a post on this I don't know - just walk away from him and his stumpy black teeth and stinky breath

Custardcream84 · 08/07/2024 09:23

The reason his back teeth are black and tiny is because they have rotted so much the crowns have broken off and it’s literal rotted roots left in his mouth.

PaleSunlightOfHope · 08/07/2024 09:19

What are his desirable qualities?

GoldenDoorHandles · 08/07/2024 09:06

You don't seem to like him. I agree it's best to split up now whilst you're young.

Poor guy though. But not your problem.

BobbyBiscuits · 08/07/2024 09:05

That's horrible. I think some people weren't brought up to know how to clean their teeth properly. Like you use an electric brush, change the head every 6 weeks, use chlorhexidine mouthwash, floss every tooth, TP brush every tooth you cant floss. Brush tongue. I smoke and it takes about 10 minutes to do the proper routine. Tell him if he doesn't do these things then the relationship is off.
It's disturbing really. He's clearly not scared of the dentist if he's always needing fillings.

HalfwayToHell · 08/07/2024 09:04

LampGhost · 08/07/2024 07:39

You should definitely stay with him forever and just put up with it. There are no other options.

😂 Yes, there really is nothing else you can do OP.

Saschka · 08/07/2024 09:00

It sounds like the smoking is a red herring and what you actually can’t stand is his bad breath?

Which is fair enough, I wouldn’t be able to live with it either. Just break up with him.

(I also couldn’t stand the smoking, but it would be the smell on his clothes and in his house).

DBD1975 · 08/07/2024 08:58

LampGhost · 08/07/2024 07:39

You should definitely stay with him forever and just put up with it. There are no other options.

Meant to quote this in regards to my previous 'Brilliant' post!

DBD1975 · 08/07/2024 08:56

Brilliant!

ISeriouslyDoubtIt · 08/07/2024 08:40

What's so wrong with you that you're still with this vile specimen? Are you that desperate to have a boyfriend that you need to scrape the bottom of the barrel? Pull yourself together and realise you can have a fulfilling life on your own, surely that would improve your life massively rather than being repulsed by the one you're with.

TheCadoganArms · 08/07/2024 08:31

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 08/07/2024 07:04

Well, you dump this dirty creature, obviously.

😂

Worried8263839 · 08/07/2024 08:29

Are you saying he ONLY has his 4 back teeth?!

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