To not look at this couple in the same way anymore?

So if you believe that a 16yo who is mature and knows her own mind should be let alone and not infantilised, as she goes forth and starts having relationships, presumably you would have no issue if she began a sexual relationship with a man who was 20, or 40, or 60?

She's mature, over the age of consent and so should be allowed to make her own grown-up decisions, free of patronising older adults disapproving or stopping her, right?

i think i was quite mature at 16- I honestly think you need to get a grip- it’s patronising, pearl clutching nonsense, a sign of the huge nanny state we’ve become… I find infantilising 16 yr olds as though they’re 9 totally patronising and over bearing.
Part of development at 16 is having relationships, it’s totally normal teenage behaviour!

But that logic makes no sense. Of course your abilities, emotions and experiences will converge as you grow older; but that doesn't change the fact that it took you time as a child to learn, grow and develop.

If you're on the same level at 46 & 50, and were at 16 & 20, presumably you were also developmentally at the same stage of life when you were 2 & 6? If you weren't, at what stage did the jump to being on the same level of life occur? Many would say once you were both properly into adulthood; not whilst one of you was, but the other was still a child. That's the whole idea of adulthood: you have completed your fundamental development and are now at a level mature stage of majority, and are now merely gaining more experience as an adult.

It's a similar argument to the one that some people make when adults who were abused and exploited as children go to the police and seek justice: "What are they making such a fuss about now, they're adults?!" - completely ignoring the fact that, at the time, they very much were not.

EDIT: To be clear, I am absolutely not suggesting that you are making or justifying this argument; rather that the logic you are using could be manipulated to arrive at that belief.

Except they've been happily married for 30 years so what difference does it make now they're 49 and 56?

They just clicked and I'm sure many people who read this thread will have had unsuccessful relationships with people exactly the same age as them. So when people click, and behave 100% respectfully towards each other, your judgement is neither wanted nor required.

Some of the responses here are crazy, I can’t believe some people would see an issue with this, I suggest they should get out more….

I was with a 21 year old at 16. It's really not gross at all. I was more mature than he was!

Only in the last couple of years has the age of marriage risen but that was brought in to protect people from those countries that have arranged marriages but unfortunately impacts those who aren’t being forced into marriage

Although you cannot enter into a marriage or civil partnership at 16 or 17 in England or Wales since 2022. It doesn’t say anything about living together or having a child or going to Scotland or Northern Island to marry

You're being silly. How can you judge people based on their past experiences, I'd not want to be friends with anyone like you.

Let's not forget Gillick and capacity for consent

As seen below

Never heard of Gretna Green? You can in Scotland.

Gross? I don't think so. Many, many 16 year old girls have older boyfriends. They often find boys their own age to be immature. At the same time many 20 year old women want older men. I really don't think there's anything that weird about it.

So you admit that you can't tell the difference between a 16 and 20 year old. Yet a 20 year old being attracted to a 16 year old is "gross" (are you 12?) even when no one can tell the difference between a 16 and 20 year old? Make it make sense.

It doesn’t matter. Genuinely, how old or young someone looks genuinely does not matter.

I’ll say it one last time, a 20 year old finding a 16 year old sexually attractive is gross. A 20 year old sleeping with a 16 year old is gross.

You’re obsessed with challenging this with anyone who doesn’t agree with you. I cba to continue to explain the point which I’ve said at least 3 times now.

There's a reason the age of consent is 16 and not 13. If you can understand why I can't help you.

Hang on, so you think an 18 year old and a 30 or 40 year old is fine, but not a 16 year old and 20 year old?

Neither was I. I'd moved out & had 3 jobs. I also split up with my then boyf, who was 19, cos he was caught sleeping with...a 13yo...

I say 'sleeping with', I of course mean statutarily raping.

Both my parents left school by that age, my dad at 12. And yet, here I am having a decent grip on what is appropriate for mid teens to be doing with adult men. Which is absolutely fuck all 🤷🏼‍♀️

Genuine question, can you tell the difference between a 16 year old and a 20 year old when they're standing next to each other?

How do you know they were sexually active at first? I doubt they told the OP.

Why what?

A 20 year sleeping with and being sexually attracted to a 16 year old is gross. It was “back then” and still is now.

No one is saying age gaps are wrong when both people are over 18 and adults.

‘Legal’ doesn’t always mean morally okay.

No, I don't think you mature and change just as much between 46 and 50 as you do at 16 and 20! If you'd bothered to read my post properly you'd see I was pointing out the is no difference between me and DH now at 46 and 50 as there was between us at 16 and 20. Obviously, we've grown and matured, but we were on the same level as each other then just like now.

@godmum56 I love your last sentence. So true..

At 16 I was living in a shared house and working f/t
At 17 I was married to a 23 year old (40+ years married) and at 18 we bought our 1st house

Definitely not a child

At 16 dd was working over 40 hours per week
At 17 she passed her driving test and became a manager at one of her places of work
At 18 she too had bought her first place and had a team of handy men and builders to do the things she couldn’t

Definitely not a child

Every 16 year old girl isn’t necessarily a school girl or even in any sort of educational setting

Everyone quotes the legislation and wrongly thinks it means you have to be in education until you are 18

At 16 you can be married working a f/t job
and have children of your own

yes it does very much depend. At age 14 I had zero interest in boys or dating, and most of my friends were casually in social groups with boys and starting to pair off and change partners. The first time I met DH, he was 17, we looked at each other and that was that. He was in college away from home so we didn't see a lot of each other but he used to turn up when he was home, spend time at our house and chat with my dad. I wasn't groomed or pressurised. We started dating when i was 17 (still at school shock horror) but then I went away to college for 3 years so we were apart for most of the time. We married when I finished college at 21. If my experience of a loving and wonderful man gives you the ick then that's on you.

Really OP it's none of your business and yes you are being weird making a thing of it.