To not look at this couple in the same way anymore?

And a 16-year old child can be told they have to leave home by their parents; can choose to leave the parental home; can consent to sex; and has rights of their own, including not to have their life entirely controlled by their parents when they have made legitimate choices about their relationships and sex life. “Children” of 16-years old and above don’t even need to be assessed for “Gillick competence,” because they are presumed by law to have the capacity to make a relevant decision all by themselves.

What I think is creepy is that so many people seem to think a 16-year old girl is automatically safer in a relationship with a 16-year old peer than a 20-year old when they simultaneously argue that 16-year olds are still children incapable of making sensible relationship decisions for themselves. Have they not heard of peer-on-peer abuse? There is a massive problem in secondary schools with abusive and inappropriate behaviour by boys towards girls of the same age. Why trust the boy with the immature brain over the slightly older 20-year old who should, by now, have developed a greater capacity to moderate their behaviour appropriately and be more sensitive to others’ needs than the 16-year old? Why refuse to look at the individual circumstances and focus solely on age and age gaps?

Rather than setting arbitrary rules on appropriate age gaps and whether they think something “sounds icky”, people with any modicum of common sense, and child safeguarding experts, have the capacity to take a nuanced view with respect to children who have reached the legal age of consent. If it was universally believed that 100% of the time, a 16-year old is too young to have a relationship with a 20-year old, there would be a law prohibiting it. The fact is, it is silly to be freaked out by the discovery that a married couple with three children first started to go out together when she was 16 and he was 20, ages when both were perfectly capable of making relevant decisions unless there was a good reason to suggest otherwise (which history suggests not, given the success of the relationship).

I was 16 & my husband was 19 when we met
I told him I was 18 because we met in a nightclub 🫣🫣
still together now and I did eventually tell him my correct age

19 is a teenager, and 20 is a man! Well, according to the law,you are adults at 18..A recent post on MN,a lot of people said they started having sex at 14!

Lol my son is 20. He's at an in between stage id say. Independent and capable but not totally adult minded. But not to worry he might be grooming some child as his girlfriend is 21

Hardly a sensitive subject lol. I was going out with another teenager at that age lol. I THINK I was 17 before he turned 20 although was so many years ago now I can't be sure

According to the NHS, 16 year olds are adults and are treated as such

If a 16 year old goes into hospital then they are on the adult ward.

Whilst some 16year olds get treated like they are children and act like they are children. Others can be working f/t and have their own place and be responsible for all the things that come with living without parents to do everything for them.
Some even have their own children and are responsible for all their needs as well.

I have a 16 year old daughter and would be suspicious if she brought home a 20 year old boyfriend.

However, a friend from uni started going out with her then boyfriend when she was 16 and he was 20 and it didn't seem strange (they were 19 and 23 when I first knew them). They are still together 30 years later. Likewise it was the same age gap between my maternal grandparents and they were happily married.

It certainly wouldn't make me think less of an adult couple still together years later.

the idea that 25 year olds shouldn’t have boyfriends because their brain doesn’t stop developing is wild. They can go to uni, have a career etc…
I actually think there’s more to this take, a subconscious desire to leverage control over the choices of other young women.

We know the brain is still developing at 16 and that many 16 year olds won't have a great deal of life experience - however, they're still able to consent to sexual activity. There has to be a point when the state stops interfering with what someone chooses to do with their own body. In this country that age is 16. If a 16 year old wants to have sex they can and it's nobody else's business.

We know that, person. We also know that you can legally consent to sex, so I don't see the problem with dating someone who is 20.

A 16 year old can:
Drink with a meal
Get married in Scotland (and until 2 years ago, the rest of the UK)
Join the army
Legally have sex
Could vote in the Scottish Referendum and discussions are being had about them being able to vote in all elections
Give medical consent (the NHS refers to 16 and 17 year olds as young people not children)
Until recently buy lottery tickets
Work
Not be in school

16 and 17 are weird ages where you no longer feel like a child and can do a lot of things an adult can but you also aren't legally an adult. Nothing miraculously changes in your brain the day you turn 18 but suddenly you're now "an adult" and everything is apparently different

But the responses are to the op being horrified at a couple with kids having been those ages god knows how many years ago.

Im surprised at the responses tbh. If my school aged daughter started seeing a 20 year old I'd be very concerned! 4yrs is nothing when you're both adults but its completely different when one is a child and the other is 20!! But if they're still together and an obvious power balance hasn't persisted I prob wouldn't dwell on it in your specific situation, but yea......not really ok.

It’s none of your business? My husband is 17 years older than me , got together when I was 36 and we’re still together 14 years on .

I was 17 when I went out with my first bf and he was 29. We only split due to me leaving the country.

Age really doesn’t matter , and she was 16.

Same as me and my dh. We have been together for about 17 years now, have 4 kids and own businesses together.

Don't judge unless you know the circumstances

not really, because we are talking in the context of that 4 year gap, at that age. Context matters.

Wtf has uni lecturers got to do with anything?

Gawd type some sense will you. Nonsensical comments without any substance.

Indeed they were - that was my reply to a PP's response to somebody telling of a couple they knew who got together at 16 and 47.

But as well as that specific mention, it's surely only the logical conclusion for all the people on here saying "16 is over the age of consent; lots of 16yo girls are very mature; some 16yos are adults and already have loads of adult life experiences; it's none of your business, keep your nose out."

I'd love to read the input from Uni lecturers and their opinion on how 20 year old boys can ALL be described as "grown-up adults" 😂

I was 16 when I met DH who was 20 and I was by far the more mature out of the 2 of us with more life experience. We are now nearly 20 years down the line and i'm still the more mature one 🤣. There was no chasing. We met, we got on, had things in common and developed a relationship.

Saying that if any of my DC came home with that age gap I would have concerns yet I can't really articulate why.

No, you are taking one thing and turning it into another.

There's a stark difference in your 20's.

16 years old is still pretty young in brain terms, when we hit our twenties it's finishing off, so your examples don't really make sense.

I realise due to your personal circumstance this is a rather sensitive topic, however, 16 years old is still a child whichever way we look at it, and there's people who don't agree with grown adults dating children. We are entitled to think it's inappropriate and creepy

I don't feel the need to justify my opinion.

yeah like He Man when he picks up the magic sword on his birthday

And then 24 and 28 aren't on the same level either! Bloody ridiculous so until you are over 25 you must stick to shagging someone within an 18 month age gap.

Cant you see how that sounds?

That's correct! So imagine the difference at 16 compared to 20 years old aye! There's no way they are on the same level.

We aren't talking about life experiences here though are we? We are talking about brain development, certain pathways being formed at different ages. Life experience does not equal maturity I'm afraid... we see it all the time.

@AvrilAprill I feel like I need to reply to this thread because it’s relevant to me! You have no idea of the circumstances that they met! I met my partner of 15 years (and counting) when I was 16 and he was 23.. in work. I was working, he was working. I was and still remain very ‘old headed’ and have always looked a lot older, my partner is a very tame, shy young looking man who doesn’t drink or smoke or anything really! My parents were wary until they met him.. and he had the piss taken out of him by his friends but we just met in work started chatting in the break room and I met up with him before work one day and it went from there! Had I have met him at 14 then yes, inappropriate. But how can you say without knowledge of how they even met that it was inappropriate when you can work at 16 and for all you know that’s how they met! So yes plenty of 16 year olds do come across (‘hang around’) people in there early 20’s because plenty of 16 year olds can go to work!!! I met boys who were 15/16 when I was 14 who acted inappropriately towards me but my partner never has just because there’s an age gap! I think it’s creepy that you’ve thought so in depth about it to be honest!