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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not look at this couple in the same way anymore?

706 replies

AvrilAprill · 07/07/2024 23:17

At the end of last year I made friends with a mum who’d just moved to the area. We got on great, as did our partners.

However, I’ve now found out that they first got together when she was 16 and he was 20/21. It genuinely makes me feel uncomfortable knowing that, and my husband says I’m being weird

OP posts:
Politicians247UnderwearExtinguishingService · 08/07/2024 00:08

Gogogo12345 · 08/07/2024 00:03

No guarantee the 20 year old has more sexual experience than the 16 year old though.

And why it would affect the OP anyway I can't understand. The couple seem happy so what's the issue?

Show quote history

True, but he has had four or five more years of life experience - and is as far (or further) over the point of adulthood as she is under it.

Just because the age of consent is 16, there are plenty of younger children who have had sexual relations, just as there are young-ish adults who haven't; nobody would use the same argument to excuse a 21yo embarrassed virgin from starting a sexual relationship with a 14yo who has already had sex several times.

Of course it doesn't affect OP, but she's entitled to her private opinion - one which I would tend to share.

Rosscameasdoody · 08/07/2024 00:06

Why on earth would you allow this to affect your friendship ? It’s only a four year gap and they were both ‘of age’. Your DH is right. It’s weird.

Proudbitch · 08/07/2024 00:06

lemonsaretheonlyfruit · 07/07/2024 23:38

I thought it was going to be something horrific! Yeah a bit young but hardly a 25 year age gap.. and what does it matter years on when they are happily married? I agree with your DH.

Yeah! I misunderstood . I thought your own husband had got together with her when they were of those ages and you had an issue about friendship dynamics!

YABU

HalfwayToHell · 08/07/2024 00:05

TheBestEverMouse · 07/07/2024 23:44

My cousin was 15 and her now husband of 30 years was 22. They fell in love and are very happily married. She insists nothing went on before she was 16 and I believe her.

15 and 22, that's awful. No normal, healthy thinking adult of 22 dates a 15 year old child.

TheSpoonyNavyReader · 08/07/2024 00:04

I thought you would say she was 13/14

DingleDongBellEnd · 08/07/2024 00:04

I would say you'll be doing them a huge favor by avoiding them, given how narrow minded and judgmental you seem.

HalfwayToHell · 08/07/2024 00:03

My son is almost 21. He'd be disgusted at the thought of dating a 16 year old, so would we at that age.

Gogogo12345 · 08/07/2024 00:03

Politicians247UnderwearExtinguishingService · 08/07/2024 00:01

I'm surprised at the unanimous reactions on here. I know that they were both of legal age, and that many couples in similar situations do stay together long-term; but I personally find it quite concerning.

I know it's just my opinion, and it isn't prescribed by law at all, but I think the age of consent being 16 is probably primarily intended for both parties being 16/17. Somebody who has been an adult for two or three years going after a sexual partner who won't be an adult for another two years is, just in my view, predatory.

No guarantee the 20 year old has more sexual experience than the 16 year old though.

And why it would affect the OP anyway I can't understand. The couple seem happy so what's the issue?

123letsblaze · 08/07/2024 00:02

They could probably do without judgemental "friends" like you.

123letsblaze · 08/07/2024 00:01

No issue at all. They were both going. Get a grip.

Headinthesand21 · 08/07/2024 00:01

Sorry but you are being very weird. 16 is young but maybe he was young for his age.

Politicians247UnderwearExtinguishingService · 08/07/2024 00:01

I'm surprised at the unanimous reactions on here. I know that they were both of legal age, and that many couples in similar situations do stay together long-term; but I personally find it quite concerning.

I know it's just my opinion, and it isn't prescribed by law at all, but I think the age of consent being 16 is probably primarily intended for both parties being 16/17. Somebody who has been an adult for two or three years going after a sexual partner who won't be an adult for another two years is, just in my view, predatory.

Shakespeareandi · 08/07/2024 00:00

So, she was 16 and a few months, possibly closer to 17 and he was 20? So looking at 3.5-4years difference? Maybe a bit steep but I dated boys at 17 who were 3 and 4 years older than me. We were all hanging around in similar friendship circles. I also had female/male friends who were older than me. We felt on the same level and a lot of us worked weekend jobs in pubs and cafés together. Anecdotal, but I think that's fine and your friends are still together. Unless you think it's something odd about them and he groomed her.

CyanideShake · 07/07/2024 23:56

I couldn't get worked up over it.

TheShellBeach · 07/07/2024 23:54

It wouldn't bother me at all.
Why are you concerned?

Rightsraptor · 07/07/2024 23:51

OP, you are being ridiculous.

LampGhost · 07/07/2024 23:50

I don’t see the problem. Wouldn’t bother me in the slightest - it’s a 4 year age gap between two consenting people. There’s a 5 year age gap between me and DH.

TheBestEverMouse · 07/07/2024 23:44

My cousin was 15 and her now husband of 30 years was 22. They fell in love and are very happily married. She insists nothing went on before she was 16 and I believe her.

Wtfmothernature · 07/07/2024 23:42

Awk wise up

Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong · 07/07/2024 23:42

Also you don't known anything about the nature of their relationship when they first met. Maybe they spent the first months just talking, maybe she had been shagging a different boy every weekend before she met him, maybe he grounded her. Who knows? I would find it odd if I met someone now that they would start analysing my relationship with Dh especially making presumptions about us and thinking about our sexual relationship. That's the bit I find a bit creepy here if I'm honest.

saraclara · 07/07/2024 23:41

Yes, You're being weird.

HcbSS · 07/07/2024 23:40

And yet when she is 20 and him 24, her 30 and him 34 nobody bata an eyelid. They have lasted the pace, and have a solid relationship. This is a massive non issue. Totally legal anyway unless he was her teacher. My ex boyfriend was 21 and me 17 when we got together.

MillshakePickle · 07/07/2024 23:40

I met my H at the same age with the same age gap. Married not long after. Together ever since.

It was 100% consensual, I was really mature for my age and I did lie to make myself older. By the time I came clean about it, there was no stopping us being together. Best lie, I ever told.

lemonsaretheonlyfruit · 07/07/2024 23:38

I thought it was going to be something horrific! Yeah a bit young but hardly a 25 year age gap.. and what does it matter years on when they are happily married? I agree with your DH.

TwattyMcFuckFace · 07/07/2024 23:37

Meh, I couldn't get fussed.

I know some very mature 16 year olds and some rather immature 20 year olds 🤷‍♀️