To not look at this couple in the same way anymore?

I really don’t see a problem with that. My DD is 16, my DS is almost 20. I don’t see much difference in terms of their maturity and no I wouldn’t have a problem with my DD dating a 20yr old. 20 is still very young in my opinion, DS is at Uni and enjoying life, he’s not a million miles away from DD who is about to start sixth form and think about Uni choices

Yes, they really would. I'm 20 and if anyone on mine and my friends social periphery started dating a 16 year old they would be getting called a pedo and shamed pretty intensely. I know this because it's happened. It was all over Facebook and insta too.

@AvrilAprill
What business is it of yours?
Either you enjoy their current company or you don’t.
If you’re judging them over something that happened years ago, I think they should re-evaluate their friendship with you.

Really op? Really?

The average age on Mumsnet skews pretty old, so I'm not surprised most people here don't have an issue with it. But I agree with you, OP, that it's gross and not acceptable. If we were talking about their specific daughters, I doubt the posters would be fine with it. Posters here just love to be contrary to whatever an OP posts.

I can't imagine how much of a loser a 21 year old man would have to be, that he was compatible with a 16 year old child. And that's giving him the kind reading where he "loved" her, rather than the probably more accurate one that he was a creep. Like you say, if a 21 year old woman posted here about the schoolboy she’d fallen in love with, people wouldn’t think it was fine.

If he was at the school gates actively seeking a 16 year old gf then that would be weird.

But being introduced, or meeting at an event, or working together, and just liking each other and discovering ages later isn't really creepy or weird imo and I feel a bit sorry for this happy couple who are being judged as something dirty by you.

I couldn't get worked up about a 4 year age gap. They were 16 and 20. Presumably they just met naturally and liked each other. They might not have even known or thought about ages. And their relationship has lasted.

*21 dating a 16 year old is disgustingI

I can see why someone might think that. But in my experience, a genuine
loving connection can be made at those ages. It rarely lasts, but it is genuine and not tawdry.

I think there has been a trend towards pathologizing even quite small age gaps and it's not a great trend.

I also think there is a lot of inconsistency. On the one hand, 16yos being literally described as "children" (come off it!) On the other hand, giving 16yos the vote. Which is it?

We don't even know how serious the relationship was when she was 16. I'm guessing you didn't get a blow-by-blow description of steamy hot sex nights, so the relationship might have gone very slowly for the first couple of years.

Yeah we're not all dinosaurs if we don't agree with you. Again, shoeing how judgemental you are

Op, I think a lot of the people on mumsnet were younger at time when 16 and 20+ year olds was very normal.
I’ve seen it normalised a lot on here however when it comes to threads about their own children they change their tunes.
16 isn’t even close to having a fully developed frontal cortex. They still have 8 years to go. Absolutely not in a position to not be manipulated by 21 year old men.

21 dating a 16 year old is disgusting.

At 16 I was married (entirely legal in Scotland in 2000, not sure if it is now)

I've no idea either. But in the 70s I had several friends who were married in England at 16.

It sounds so young now,and of course it is. And some of those marriages didn't last beyond their 20s. But some did.

I met my husband when I was 15 and he was 20. Married at 19. Didn't last.Even with the 5 year age difference we were BOTH too young. Both of us were far too young to be getting married. There was absolutely nothing weird or sinister, or predatory about it. We just thought it would work. It didn't. Nothing dramatic.
We just both grew up a bit and realised what we'd done.

Oh for goodness sake, you are being ridiculous.

But she might not have been a school girl at 16 years old

I certainly wasn’t when I married at 17oth
and he was 23

Together 40+ years

I have a friend who married her Dh at 18 and he was 30.
I first met them when they were 22 and 34 and if those 4 years since marrying were anything to go by it was that despite being much younger it was her who was definitely more nature than her dh and also financially more astute in the business they had set up.

I also know women who have much older husbands who they married in their late 30s and their Dh’s were 20 or thirty years older

Interested to know how big of a age gap is acceptable if 4 years you consider too large because I think a lot of people have. the same or a much bigger gap in age and will that mean you will judge them and cannot be around them

.

At 16 I was married (entirely legal in Scotland in 2000, not sure if it is now)

However, I’ve now found out that they first got together when she was 16 and he was 20/21. It genuinely makes me feel uncomfortable knowing that, and my husband says I’m being weird

So yes. You are.

Second time they met, first when she was 8

Major scandal then. Would it get me excommunicated to say
he prob had had his head turned by the crown?

Get a grip.

deep down are you more envious that their union is longer than yours?

You’re reading far too much into this.

Obviously there can be predatory behaviour between older students and freshers but that doesn't mean that two young adults with that age gap shouldn't ever be in a relationship with each other, or that there must always be predatory behaviour going on

Quite. With such a small age gap it's pretty unlikely that there is anything more than mutual attraction. Nowt wrong with that.

If my 13 year old had a 17 year old boyfriend I'd be on high alert.

If she was 17 and dating the 21 year old round the corner (as actually happened) not really that concerning. I know his mum:)

Wouldn't bother me.

The extrapolation here is a bit excessive. Not everything is about sex! Whereas a 20 year old woman would most likely find a 16 year old boy a bit boring and immature, the other way round can be different because girls do tend to grow up a bit faster. That makes no difference to the inappropriateness of them having sex earlier than 16 but it does explain some age gap relationships that would be much more unlikely and feel creepier the other way round.

17 to 21 is the age gap between first and fourth year students at Scottish universities. The idea that two students in different years of the same degree course - young adults who've left home - can't ever go out with each other, fall in love and so on makes no sense. Obviously there can be predatory behaviour between older students and freshers but that doesn't mean that two young adults with that age gap shouldn't ever be in a relationship with each other, or that there must always be predatory behaviour going on.