To not look at this couple in the same way anymore?

Your entire "case", insofar as you have one, is based on your presumption of sex between the two of them at that time. And a bunch of further presumptions about what that sex was like.

Stick your nose elsewhere.

You're being silly. I went on dates with a 20 year old when I was 16, but I was very mature so it didn't feel like there was any gap in our ages.

@Rosscameasdoody

im sorry your DH died so young & you've been deprived of your Golden Years together. I swear they don't make them the same anyone. It was a shorter time together than you should have had, but quality over quantity xx

Pathetic

14 and 18 is not the same as 16 and 20. Obviously the age gap is the same, but no one over 18 should be sniffing round someone under 16.

Why? Give us a rational explanation. You too, @AvrilAprill
Or are you both just passing judgement? But we know the answer to that question.
Neither of you are the aebiters of morality.
Less than 100 years ago, it was the norm to get married and have kids at 16; ffs, women are at their most fertile from late teens to late 20s.
Not everyone wants to stay in education, or have a career. They wanntcto be parents. Presumably you both are passing judgement because you had kinds at what you percieve to be a sensible age?
Some 16 year old are far more mature than the people on MN. A couple of names on this thread spring to mind immediately
Let's hope your kids don't end up pregnant or fathering a child at 16

This is a very modern take!

In the 50s and 60s (and in centuries before) teenage marriages were much more common. No, I wouldn't like it or recommend it, but there's nothing instrinsically wrong with it. It's just changing cultural expectations - that women will complete their education and build a career before marrying/getting a partner.

@AvrilAprill

can you explain why YOU think that's gross.

I would definitely think differently of the guy in this situation. Bit grim for a 20 year old adult to find a 16 year old child attractive. A 4 year age gap later in life? Not at issue. When the other person is under 18? Grim

I get it. It’s really hard to separate the happy couple now from the 20 year old who was into a 16 year old.

Times have changed, which is why views are polarised. Take for example the teachers having relationships with their 16/17 year old students. The law banning teachers dating 16/17 year olds only came into place in 2001 and didn’t include 18 year olds, who were considered adults and fine to have a relationship with a teacher.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/7653326.stm#:~:text=In%202001%2C%20the%20law%20was,their%20school%20aged%20under%2018.

Would I want my 16 yo dd to have a relationship with a 20/21 yo man? No, absolutely not because I see this from a safeguarding perspective and all we know in 2024. Did I do it myself, yes, absolutely. Did my parents bat an eyelid? No.

My friend married a man when she was 16 and he was 35. Friends and I present discussed the relationship as we thought the gap was too big and collectively decided anyone over 30 was too old.

My conclusion therefore op and presuming they’ve been together for a while is that times have changed and there was no issue then. Ergo there should be no issue now.

I think now it would be a weird.
20 years ago not so much, I used to work in a bar at that age and the whole team used to drink, club and socialise together, age wasn’t really an issue (maybe it should have been!)

Errrr, this is now in past. Their partnership has lasted more than peoples marriages with ‘favourable’ age gaps?!!

stop judging, ffs

Oh, ffs, it’s a small age gap and 16 is the age of consent in the UK. If she had been 14, then yes, that would be wrong, but she wasn’t, and most 20-year olds I know are still pretty immature themselves and these days often still living with their parents, so I really don’t see the issue. Two young people legally got together and stayed together - big deal (not).

Grim. Different if it was say, 80 odd years ago but nope grim. I agree OP

When I was 16 many moons ago we were expected to be in the workplace full time or at college studying and working part time. We were treated more like adults and expected to fit into the adult world. We weren't children, we were tax paying members of the public.
Nowadays young people seem to babied into their late 20s so no wonder people think its odd a 16 year old having a relationship with a 21 year old.
It wasn't that unusual back in the day.

Until he falls in love with a girl that age

My dad was 6 years older than my mom when they started dating in the early 70's, she was 17 and he was 23. They were married for 40 years.

I think its a bit of a bob issue really.OK not ideal but they have lasted the distance .You have made new friends (not that easy when you are older)and seem to be judging them rather harshly.I would let it go ,its not really going to impact upon you at all!

Bloody hell it's the relationship police again.
Why do you feel uncomfortable? What impact does it have on your life?
Are you so judgemental about everything?
What a horrible world we live in if a young couple with an insignificant age gap are judged for falling in love

I agree with you op, I'd be mindful of any potential signs of a controlling relationship for my new friend if I were you. There's a big difference between a 4 year age gap at 30/34 and 16/20 in terms of maturity, life stages etc. Also wouldn't be happy with my child, either gender, dating a 20 year old when they're 16.

1. No adult man is going ANYWHERE near my 15 year old daughter.
2. Thinking back to my early 20s, if any of the lads in my friendship group had been sniffing around teen girls, I would’ve thought he was being creepy—and would have given him an earful.
3. ewww

Okay? Well that is how old I am. Just trying to give a perspective from someone who is actually 20. I cannot imagine dating a 20 year old as a 16 year old and it disgusts me to think about myself dating a 16 year old now.

You sound a lot younger than 20, honestly.