To not look at this couple in the same way anymore?

YABTU

One of my early relationships began when I was 16 and he was 20. We were together 5 years. Still friends now. Nothing untoward whatsoever.

People used to leave school at 16 and get jobs. (!!) Totally normal age difference imo.

My DH was 16 , just joined the army and I was 19 when we met, 38 years later we are still together, married for 34 years. People mature at different rates. Why do you need to be worried about it?

At 16 I was living alone and working full time so people my age didn't interest me one bit. All of my long standing friendships and relationships are a minimum of 6yrs my senior. My partner is 13yrs older than me.

She was above legal age, I think your closed mind could be the issue here. They're happy, they were legal, just let them get on with it is my advice

I wonder if it's the same woman I used to know. They now have 3 boys...

the question was WHAT in that relationship make people feel "wrong". Hence the question, is it because of sex?

I don't think anyone replied, but again, if it's not the sexual aspect of the relationship, what is it?

the casual assumption that sex between kids of 16 is acceptable and no one's business is something that I find sad.
I don't think any 16 ever ask for permission, like it or not, it does happen. The only parental input is to try to make them stay safe.

I really don’t see 4 years as a big age difference. I met my now husband when I was 17 and he was 20, turning 21. There’s a 3 and a half year age gap. We’ve been together for nearly 20 years and married for 17 of those years. I couldn’t ask for anyone better who gets me, supports me and loves me for me and we are 100% equal partners in our relationship, in our home and as parents.

I’ve seen some comments mention power dynamics and sure, that could be a problem in some relationships but an unbalanced power dynamic doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with how big/small the age gap is between two people, it’s far more likely down to how they are as individuals. In the absence of any other info from the OP of any other observations of the couple I think it’s unreasonable to be put off by such a very average, if not small, age difference.

To me it's just that it is felt there has to be an age of consent and it happens to be 16. But there isn't necessarily a huge maturity gap between a person of 16 and one of 20. There are huge differences in maturity of young people and children at any age. 5 year olds can be cool, calm and collected and sensible where others seem like over grown toddlers.

I certainly wouldn't judge a couple like that who have been together in a stable relationship for a good few years. That is weird. Perhaps her parents had worries back then, perhaps his did, but it really is nothing to do with OP.

Does it matter?

Who says sex between kids of 16 is no-one’s business? Self-evidently saying that a 16-year old is still a child but nevertheless should be presumed to have the capacity to make decisions for themselves is not remotely the same thing as saying that a 16-year old’s decision to have sex is nobody’s business. Being a child means that person’s parents still have to take some responsibility for their welfare and behaviour, but that person is now too old to have their lives entirely controlled for them by others - they can be guided and counselled and cannot argue that what they do is nobody else’s business, but they must not have their own views and choices ignored, overridden or treated with contempt. Unless proven to be incompetent to make decisions, they have the right to make decisions and choices their parents disagree with, including about their sex lives.

Not her post - the sexes were the other way round.

Would have been weird if he was 16 and you 22 when you first got together … which is exactly the point of the OP’s post.

I’d admire the fact they’ve defied the stereotypes and stayed together. I know many many couples who got together in their 20/30s who haven’t managed that.

YABVU and judgemental.

The initial post was about the OP's feelings about the couple years after they had got together. It then morphed into posts about sex - something entirely different - (I haven't read the whole thread). The history of the very adult couple is in the past. It wouldn't bother me if I'd just made friends with them as it was years ago. But the casual assumption that sex between kids of 16 is acceptable and no one's business is something that I find sad.

Yes, the menopause, and only sex with someone exactly your age!

to avoid unwanted pregnancies? I am guessing the age of menopause, just to stay on the safe side.

If you follow that ridiculous reasoning 😂

Get in touch with the op, you and her can pop round and explain to the married couple and their kids how reckless their past behaviour was and how disappointed you are with them and their families. You should probably make yourself some ick police badges so they know you're in a position of authority.

I’m 34 my DP is 28, is that weird to you?

yes at that younger age it’s a little odd but it’s also not your business

@Tryonemoretime if they are having sex and get pregnant the other parties age is irrelevant. They can get pregnant having sex with another 16 year old too. Your argument isn't even an argument.

Those abortion statistics do not refer to 16 year old girls, but the total number..

What are you saying then? That the age of consent should be raised? To what?

She was the age of consent an he still very young!

Reaching much?

Who's saying that this original couple were sexually active at 16+21?
The OP certainly wouldn't know. She's just being judgemental about a couple.

@SallyWD
It's easy to say that a 16 year old having sex is nobody else's business, but everyone know that contraceptives sometimes fail. What then? It's likely that the parents will have to pick up the pieces because a 16 year old is suddenly too young to cope with living independently as a single mother. The NHS is on its knees - but every year it has to fund abortions (214, 256 last year). A 16 year old getting pregnant has an impact on society and is definitely other people's business.

@Walkaround excellent points, thank you 👍