To not look at this couple in the same way anymore?

omg I just reread the original post
MAYBE THEY JUST MOVED TO THE AREA BECAUSE THEY WERE RUN OUT OF THEIR LAST TOWN WHEN SOMEONE FOUND OUT ABOUT THE 4 YEAR AGE GAP

oh were you trying to be funny? I DID think your original question was weird, good spot... seriously though, if it matters that much to you you should quiz them about it. Unless you think it's none of your business and you'd look like a weirdo of course.

If they have a solid relationship years later then I think you are being unreasonable. .
My first boyfriend was 24. I was 16. Yes there was a power dynamic that wasn't great tbh looking back,but to be clear I wanted that relationship and was a fully consenting participant. We lasted 2 years. If we were together all these years later I wouldn't be impressed with people judging us for it years after the fact.

Yabu. Wtf has it got to do with you. They are both older now and presumably their relationship appears to be successful otherwise you would have said so. Why does it matter when they met. Surely you have met couples before with successful age gap relationships or who met when one of them was young? Sometimes it is right. I am really surprised that meeting them years later you would give this a second thought.

When I was 16 my (first) boyfriend was 19 - he was immature and we only lasted a few months. That age gap was considered entirely normal at the time. No one batted an eye. At 17 my boyfriend was 27. My parents weren’t impressed by that but we were together 3 years. I out grew him. My next boyfriend was 9 years older than me. He worked hard and treated me well and got on great with my parents. We were a bit older then (22 and 31) and that relationship lasted 5 years. I met my husband in my late 20s. He was 7 years older.

I started work at 15 and from 17 tended to meet people in the pub (although I met my first boyfriend through a mutual friend). I always seemed to be attracted to older men and looking back they were all balanced normal relationships. I am 51.

My 2 aunts married men older than them (9 years and 13 years) when they themselves were less than 20. One couple met in the pub, the other through work. They were happily married for many years. My mum thought this was a bad idea because they would spend many years alone in retirement but life isn’t so easy to plan. One aunt died almost 20 years before her husband the other outlived hers by barely a year. My mum and dad were close in age and she outlived him by almost 20 years.

This.
A 4 year age gap means different things at different ages. A 20 year old and a 24 year old is a very different matter to a 16 year old and a 20 year old, whatever level of maturity they show. A 16 year old's brain is still developing. Having said that, making friends with a couple who'd got together in the past when they were 16 and 20 wouldn't affect how I saw them as adults.

Typical stupid reaction - he is a great bloke - you shouldn't judge everyone by your own standards or those you assume all men have! All people are individuals!

Try telling my friend's 16 year old daughter, who is working in a full time, well paid accountancy apprenticeship that she is still a child. I doubt she would find most 16 year old boys remotely interesting on an intellectual level. She sure as hell is not getting groomed by anyone!

Ultimately, this friendship will end, because OP is judging the couple now based on something from their past. Something that is none of her business.

My stepson was 21 when he met his Girlfriend who was 17 ( by a few days). She was far more more mature than he was. You are seeing issues where there are none.

For gods sake just be a bit tolerant - not everyone is the same. My niece met her partner when she was 14 and he was 18

Yeah, let's be tolerant of an 18 year old being interested in a 14year old...... 🧐

Absolutely fucking not.

And no decent 18 year old would be interested.

I was the same. Worked full time at sixteen, commuting by train and tube to my job in London. Left home at seventeen (went back briefly), fully left home at nineteen. I became fully financially independent from my parents at sixteen which obviously doesn’t happen now.

Yes, on today’s standards the age gap (specifically because of their ages, not the gap itself) seems to be unacceptable, but would I stop a friendship because of it, probably not, unless the current dynamics within their marriage were giving me doubts.

MN makes me laugh sometimes. Another thread is ripping a mum to shreds because she’s concerned about her 19 year old daughter, who is naive and looks under age. What turned out to be a 27 year old man jumped out of his car and approached her on the street a night to ask for her instagram details. The mum was unanimously branded as unreasonable to be concerned, and yet here we are discussing a fairly small age gap between what essentially are two people over the age of consent, who have been in a happy relationship from a young age, and calling it ‘icky’. OK then.

For gods sake just be a bit tolerant - not everyone is the same. My niece met her partner when she was 14 and he was 18 - she was only allowed to see him at the gym where they met and my sister never let her meet him anywhere else until she was 16 - they are now in their 30's, live together and have 2 children - they clearly were the one for each other so don't judge just because it falls a bit outside your norm! And don't assume anything about their relationship because you don't know - you should just see them as you see them now!

You're looking down your nose at this couple, OP, for something that is absolutely none of your business. They can do better than you for friendship and when they pick up on your sniffy attitude towards them it will be gone in a flash.

Your husband thinks you're being weird about this and you are. Immature and ignorant at the same time. You don't get a 'vote', their relationship is nothing to do with you.

Wouldn't hold any interest to me whatsoever.

This is my feelings, now that I'm much older, with lots of safeguarding experience.

13 and 23 is illegal and highly inappropriate.
16 and 21 is a whole different univers

Very good points.

Quite. It's got very judgemental. Also widespread use of the terms "icky" and "grim" which seem to be bandied about easily.

It's one thing to say 'sure their start was weird but look, they are happy & secure now so no point in judging them. Times were different' but quite another to bemoan that society rightly looks down on these in current times

Anyway, I take great heart in the response that 93% of people think the OP is being unreasonable. Rather than the frankly very odd responses from people wanting to divert the topic onto very unrelated topics.

Yeah it's grim. The maturity/immaturity thing is just an excuse for age gaps.

OP I think you need to sit these friends down and get the facts so you can judge correctly. I suggest a questionnaire that they can fill out and return to you at their leisure:

How old were they when they met?
How long did they know each other before they got together?
How long before they had sex?
Were their parents OK with them being together?
As them to attach a photo of themselves then so you can decide if it was grim
Do they feel that either of them have missed out through their choices?

Let them know that once they have returned the questionnaire, fully completed, you will get back to them with an answer of whether you can be friends with them.

Which is nothing whatsoever to do with this thread.

People get into controlling relationships with people of the same age. It is not a thread about this subject.