To not look at this couple in the same way anymore?

Some posters on here have genuinely tried to imply that nudging down the age of consent should be allowed which is just ..

No-one has implied that. That's a really unpleasant thing to accuse people of.

Again. It’s getting boring with these generational views. Funny how things were different in the mid 60s. It was still illegal to be gay for a majority of the 60s. Times have moved on.

This.

You'll always get people that fight against good progress being made that actually protects people, because they look through rose tinted glasses at the past, or sometimes they don't want to face up to the fact that things in their past were 'grim' to use a mumsnet description. It's strange.

When I was a teen in the 90s, it was common for 15 year old girls to date men in their 20s. It wasn't a good thing, even friends that did it and thought they were 'mature' now admit it was bad and it was actually a sign of immaturity on their part and creepiness on the men's part.

They've brought their kids up to have better boundaries. To continue the cycle just because you did it is crazy.

How old are you and how old are this couple? Are we talking about a couple who are now in their 20s, so the relationship started relatively recently, or are they 30s and been together closer to 20 years? Or more?

40 years ago it was the 1980s, not 1960s. In my experience, even much more recently, certainly within the last 20 years, in my social circles, no one would have blinked at a girl in Y12 going out with someone who had left the year before because they probably had mutual friends/siblings.

People assess by their own normal.

Who wants to nudge down the age of consent? So what are you going to do, OP?

At 16 you are not necessarily in school? I was working at that age as were a lot of my friends the same age.

I do understand what you are saying about her being a child and him an adult but also she's 16 and a legal age to make a decision about a mature relationship. Plus he is not 20 years older or anything. It's 4 years.

I certainly wouldn't see it as any of my business if it was a friends situation many years ago.

What?!

Early 1900s my grandparents were working at 12 in a textile factory
There wasn't a choice back then
Work or starve

It's weird to let this bother you but probably better you don't spend time with them if you are judging them like this.

Who says she was in secondary school though? She could have left school and be working full time at 16. If he was in uni she could conceivably have been his supervisor at his part time job...
They could have both met as soldiers in the army! She could have legally already had a child at that age and be living independently with them while he might be a virgin still living at home...

Is it ideal? Probably not but it's not illegal and individual circumstances are relevanant in relation to the extent of any possible power imbalance, as is the fact that they are still together and presumably happy now. I can understand why you'd think it's a bit dodgy but not why you think it's an automatic red flag to the extent its now changed your opinion of them.

I'm in my 30s BTW seeing as you're implying everyone who disagrees with you is ancient.

I know the yelling will start after I post this but that kind of "group think" has a definite whiff of crab bucket to me. My lovely MIL came from a similar social area and she was told by her family that she shouldn't be marrying outside of her class. when they encouraged their kids to get a good education and go on to further ed after school, the family and social group ostracised her. Yes this was education, not a older boyfriend but the groupthink and group opinion do have similarities.

Nothing of what you said has any relevance to what I said.

I don't actually believe your "friends" exist, btw. I think you made the scenario up as a talking point to tell people how old, outdated and disgusting they are.

I am absolutely LIVING for the fury and disdain of the OP, but she's not wrong (except about maths, because 42 years ago was 1980s, not the 60s).

If my 16 year old DSD started dating a 20/21 year old, I would be livid and assume he was weird.

The fact it has worked out for this couple (and others) is all well and good, but doesn't make the age difference any less icky.

My daughter and son in law with 6 years age difference wasn't back in the dark ages They met in 2013 so no idea what the 60s have to do with it

But the couple got together in the past, when it probably wasn't something that raised any eyebrows. it's done. It has literally nothing to do with you and it's very weird that you are so bothered.

come and join the weird club.

@AvrilAprill - so what's your relationship with this couple now? I'll put it more simply than beyond the pale - do you just ignore them?

I'm sure you would, as would I however, if they were still together at 40 and 44, you'd probably have come to terms with it, and if you met someone now in that situation you'd probably not bat a eye lid or be concerned about their age when they got together more than 20 years previous. I don't suppose this couples parents now mind or judge them so odd that OP does

Well me and my Hubby are weird then, I was just 16yrs by 2 days and he was 21yrs. We are still together with 2 children and 3 grandchildren, 42yrs later!! We have a lovely happy life, and still in love, as well as best friends. How weird are we.

My boyfriend was 21 when I was 16, we never had sex and he never pressured me. My best friend at the time had a 23 year old bf and they dated for 10 years. The 15 year old I dated at 15 pestered me for sex every day.

I teach and lots of 16 year old girls have older boyfriends - it is legal and your friend and her partner have been together a while. I think 16 year old girls find a lot of 16 year old boys immature.

Totally unreasonable.

First, I don't think 16 to 20 is that big a gap and can be perfectly appropriate depending on circumstances. I realise some people might disagree. But regardless, this is presumably a good few years ago now, as far as you can tell they now have a good relationship and you get all get on well. I think it would be very odd for this to affect your friendship now.

No but I think it’s odd to justify things when it was very common years ago to be married in your teens or not be in school at 16 or further education.

I certainly wasn't married in my teens and I have a degree. I just don't think the world ended because I snogged a guy a few years older than me in a club.

Depends on the couple and their level of maturity. Why treat them any different now? Seems stupid to me @AvrilAprill