To not look at this couple in the same way anymore?

There was one poster who mentioned a 14 year old with someone much older and most other posters agreed that this was wrong.

Again, YOU are the only one really suggesting a 14 year is as mature as a 16 year old (which the law considered legally old enough to make decisions such as medical care and having sex) and that is raising some serious red flags

Yes they can.

Quite a number of people on this thread have mentioned children aged 14 starting relationships with significantly older people.

True, it's not the central focus of the thread, but when you have so many people poo-pooing 'only 4 or 5 years age difference' between a child and an adult having sex and constantly going on about 'how very mature' many 16yo girls are (a claim which personally really sets off my spidey senses) and calling them adults, of course there are going to be outliers who don't even wait until they're 16. After all, if a 16yo is 'an adult', then a 'mature' 15yo or 14yo must surely be 'almost an adult'.

I think I see what you're getting at, though: I, as one of the very few people on this thread advocating for protecting 16yo children from sexual experiences with considerably older people must, against all semblances of possible logic, be somehow keen to advocate 14yos having sex...

I mean there's something suspicious abut someone who keeps trying to bring up 14 year olds and lowering the age of consent like it's what most people are talking about

And once again the only person suggesting a 16 year old and a "grandad" (presumably they mean a 60+ year old, not the possible 30 year old grandads that exist) would be acceptable is the one arguing against such things. And bringing up 14 year olds... makes you wonder

It really helps if you read posts fully and in context, instead of just picking out words or phrases in isolation and twisting them to mean what you want to suggest they do.

As you will see from my post, I never said that I believe a 16yo and a grandad (of any age) is acceptable; the exact opposite.

You will also see that my citing the case of a 14yo - and this contingency has been mentioned by others on this thread - was to support my opinion on the inappropriateness of somebody who is over the age of consent having sex with somebody considerably older: showing how the age difference does sometimes matter very much indeed, but once you reach that magic 16, absolutely anything seems to go.

But I'm sure you realised this.

Could you please clarify on your last comment - "makes you wonder" - as I don't understand what you were driving at. I don't know if it was based on what I did say or what you tried to bizarrely suggest that I was saying.

Mumsnet:
Q: is 16 a child?
A: Of course not. They know their own minds. Could get a full time job and be a parent at 16.

Also Mumsnet:
Q: My 16yo DD is pregnant! Help!
A: How horrendous for you OP. What on earth are they going to do about their GCSEs? Handhold and fuzzy hug. You need a stern word with her about contraception and a trip to the clinic.

16 year olds are not always at school, and frankly Sixth Form even in a school aren't the same as a "school child"
Either different uniform or no uniform at all, just business wear. Teachers more relaxed about formality. Their own space and lunchtimes. Able to leave schoolgrounds during the day. Fewer lessons and therefore free time to pursue other interests like drama or music or sports. Earlier finishes. Shorter terms. Able to have their phones out in limited places...

And once again the only person suggesting a 16 year old and a "grandad" (presumably they mean a 60+ year old, not the possible 30 year old grandads that exist) would be acceptable is the one arguing against such things. And bringing up 14 year olds... makes you wonder

And the view from all of you that a 20 year old boy is a predatory man is wild
My boys are still like kids at that age
So insulting

16 year olds know their own minds
I did
And I do not change my view 35 years on

Again, not all 16 year olds are schoolchildren! We're not talking about a couple that got together yesterday.

Education. Employment or training , Unless you have a child

Yes, times have changed for the better. A 21 year old interested in a 17 year old now would rightfully be looked at with disgust.

What a nasty, judgemental post to a widow talking about her beloved late husband. Your response is what is disgusting.

Ah well there you go then. Assumed this was where the talk of 16 year olds being ‘school children’ had come from. (And also – I thought staying in education was compulsory now?)

You still can No law preventing it

Nowadays you stay in education till 18, but when I was that age (I’m late 30s now), at 16 you could have your own home, a full time job and/or a child.

so many people see no issue with a child aged 167 having sex with anybody of any age (over 16)

Too late to correct the typo - if you get to the age of 167, have sex with whomever you want!

If you got together when he was 20, no; if he was 16, yes.

I certainly think that the age of consent should be dependent on the age gap until after 18, to protect young people from potential abuse, coercion and manipulation from significantly older people.

When somebody under the age of consent - let's say 14, as that seems to be considered an entirely reasonable, normal age amongst many MNers - has sex with another child of the same age or one year either way, it's considered in the eyes of the law as youthful foolishness, a possible safeguarding issue, but neither of the children involved are punished. However, if one were 14 and the other, say, 17 or 18, the older one would be blamed and very probably prosecuted.

I know that I am very much in the minority on this thread, but I can't believe that so many people see no issue with a child aged 167 having sex with anybody of any age (over 16), unless it's a teacher or family member. The opportunities for exploitation by significantly older people are so bounteous; all they have to do is cross off the days on their calendar until their intended turns 16, show them some affection/lovebombing that can easily be confused for genuine love at that age and then they can fill their boots.

I really cannot believe that so many people on this thread are so blase about this. I do wonder if they would be quite so accepting if it were their own 16yo DD who came home with a grandad (somebody else's; not her own, of course) and insisted that they were truly in love and freely physically, passionately acting on that.

The replies on this thread are wild. A 21 year old has no business being with a 16 year old. 16 year olds are still school children for gods sake. Everyone saying it’s not a big deal, would it still not be a big deal if your 16 year old daughter came home with an 21 year old man??
Honestly imo it calls into question the guys morals, a 21 year old knows better, idc if they stood the test of time or whatever.

How old are you OP? 20 is not very old at all, and many young men are really immature at that age (beleive me, I teach them at University). I met my husband when I was 36 and he was 41. Its a bigger gap, and it means nothing because at a certain point these things fade into insignificance. In any event, what difference does it make to you? Unless this man is a danger to your family/community (and the fact that he has a long term 4 year age gap relationship is not enough of a red flag), it's really not any of your business honestly. If you are this judgemental about friends lives, it must be quite difficult to maintain relationships.

Was she in school though? Cos I was 16 when I met my now husband and he was nearly 19 but my birthday is summer. So I had left school and was in college I was just 16. We also met in a club in town so it wasn’t like I was in my school
uniform.

@HalfwayToHell

Can you not see how inappropriate this comment is to the poster concerned?

She spent her whole life with this man who she met at 17 in what must have been the 1970s and she has now lost him .

How dare you dismiss her life and her happiness like this .

100% this!

Just because one of the couple is a few years older, doesn’t necessarily mean they’ve got the upper hand or are more dominant in the relationship.

I was halfway through age 16 when I got together with my children’s father who had just turned 19 at the time. No one thought it was strange at all, we were both in college.

But when my son was 19 and comparing his life to his dad’s he said his dad must have been a “nonce” to fancy a 16 year old. I’d never thought about it like that. In hindsight I think he was looking for someone weaker than him to lord it over. Horrible man.

And in the US 20 is still a minor

It’s an arbitrary cut off point to some extent

When I was a teen (y2k+), 16 year olds were not regarded as children, they were young adults who could have children, work full time jobs and live completely independently of their parents or any other person.

So not a child by most people’s definitions.