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Original poster

Would you leave someone who wouldn't buy a home with you?

63 replies

Anotherdayanotherpizza · 07/07/2024 22:10

Been with my partner for 4 years, lived together for 3.

It's become clear he doesn't want that sort of commitment with me.
Not sure how to feel about that? I don't want to be renting with him forever, I want us to be committed and progress together.

I admit it hurts, and I don't know what to think.
His friend just got engaged, I saw it on social media. I mentioned it to him and he sort of nervously laughed and changed the subject.

OP posts:
JustMarriedBecca · 07/07/2024 22:28

Are you in London? We didn't want to buy a flat in London and get locked in and unable to sell when we wanted to move out / have kids.

So yes, whilst sometimes it felt like a failure to commit, it actually made financial sense.

Have you asked him why?

Merryoldgoat · 07/07/2024 22:28

After 4 years you know if you want to be with someone. He just doesn’t like you enough OP.

Move on and find someone you can be happy with.

Original poster
Anotherdayanotherpizza · 07/07/2024 22:27

I can afford to buy something small on my own, it's the fact that after years he clearly doesn't trust me enough to want to enter into a mortgage with me.

OP posts:
Xenia · 07/07/2024 22:26

If your own salary is big enough to get a mortgage you might be able to buy in your name and have a tenancy agreement with him where he pays you rent and a cohabitation agreement drawn up by a solicitor making it clear 100% all the property is yours.

Original poster
Anotherdayanotherpizza · 07/07/2024 22:26

I just think wanting a casual arrangement after 4 years is an absolute joke tbh.

OP posts:
AssortedLabels · 07/07/2024 22:25

It depends on whether you’re after a casual, commitment-lite sort of arrangement. Fine if you are, but if you’re after a mortgage, a wedding and/or some kids, you might be barking up the wrong tree.

suburberphobe · 07/07/2024 22:25

Never put all your marbles in one place OP.

In other words, become financially independent so you can always take care of yourself, whatever life throws at you. Your future self will thank you.

Take it from me, almost 70 now.... still feel young too but reality is different.

SummerTimeIsTheBest · 07/07/2024 22:24

I think now is the time for ‘The Conversation’. I think you probably already know what the outcome is going to be but might be better to help you to move on. For whatever reason, he doesn’t want ties with you but you want something more serious. It’s ok that you both want something different, you just need to find a way to make your dreams a reality ❤️❤️

Ladyface · 07/07/2024 22:24

I’ve been there, OP. I couldn’t carry on with the relationship after it was clear there was no marriage on the cards. I’d given him ten years of my life but wasn’t prepared to waste anymore time.

Original poster
Anotherdayanotherpizza · 07/07/2024 22:24

I just don't see the point of being with someone who is too scared of doing anything with you that may involve risk.

OP posts:
Scarletttulips · 07/07/2024 22:18

I left a 10 year relationship because of this very reason. He didn’t want to live me (owned my own home) marry me or have children with me - what was the point? I was 29 and dumped him.

Guess what? Didn’t take him long to marry and have a child! He just didn’t want that with me.

Same thing with 2 other friends -

Leave and don’t look back.

SugarMiceInTheRain · 07/07/2024 22:17

It does sound like you're on a different page to him. 3 years living together is long enough to know if you want to commit, and if he doesn't want the same as you after this time then it's likely you will always be disappointed. If he knows how you feel and won't take the next step, then I'd say it's time to lay your cards on the table and let him know you're not willing to waste any more time with someone who doesn't share your goals and vision for future together.

Original poster
Anotherdayanotherpizza · 07/07/2024 22:16

It kinda just feels like, I don't want any ties with you.

OP posts: