Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Told to f*ck off for forgetting a birthday

362 replies

Anonforthisq · 07/07/2024 19:54

First off I know im unreasonable for this part but I forgot my friends bday. I remembered the day after and texted on weds to say so sorry I forgot, happy bday, will drop a pressie round soon. Dont hear anything back but dont think anything off it, we both have young kids and busy lives. Texted her again today to ask if she wants to come to a concert I have tickets for next week and she just texted back ‘fuck off’

AIBU to think she’s totally ott?I know it’s bad I forgot (she always remembes!) but j apologised. It’s been a hard week. My youngest has slapped cheek and is miserable, oldest is SEN, I’m pregnant and have ADD. She knows all this btw. We’re women in our 40s, I like birthdays and celebrating but I wouldnt mind even a little bit of someone forgot my bday, especially if they apologised after.

I haven’t texted back and don’t know what to do now

OP posts:
SamW98 · 07/07/2024 23:22

I don’t have a clue when most of mates birthdays are until they pop up on FB.

Last year I’d say 5/6 friends didn’t say happy birthday til the following day - never once crossed my mind to say fuck off instead of thank you because I’m not a rude spoilt entitled brat

Bristoluser · 07/07/2024 23:16

Wow! I can't imagine being friends with someone so high maintenance. I don't know when most of my friend's birthdays, they'd be pleased with a text as would I.

I'd text her back and I'd say 'Why did you tell me to fuck off? Because I didn't give you a present on your actual birthday? I'm sorry you're upset but I simply don't have the time or head space for this kind of drama.'

GoldieLocks09 · 07/07/2024 23:16

My best friend who I’ve literally known since I was a baby (our parents were best friends) forgot my birthday last year. She text me at 5am the next morning berating herself and full of apologies.. I of course forgave her straight away and didn’t for a second hold it against her, but by the evening of my birthday I was a bit sad about not hearing from her. But it really wasn’t a big deal.

I did it to a friend this week. It was her son’s first birthday and the pair of them have had a really tough year, I completely forgot to send a message the day of his birthday but remembered the next day and was so annoyed at myself! When I saw them over the weekend they were of course absolutely fine with me!

People are human and make mistakes, if she cares that much about you missing it by 24hours despite the effort you had actually made with a present and a further invite to something you’re doing then I’d just say they’re not someone you need in your life!

CharlieUniformNovemberTangoYankee · 07/07/2024 23:16

The OP forgot her adult friend's birthday by a day. On what planet is 'fuck off' a reasonable response in this situation? Oh yeah, planet mumsnet, silly me.

Heartofglass12345 · 07/07/2024 23:13

Wow, she's very over the top! My own mother forgot my birthday and my son's birthday last year!

Original poster
Anonforthisq · 07/07/2024 23:06

Definitely batshittery. Goong to bed cos i will definitky be up at least once before morning with my LO! Thanks everyone who was kind, feel a lot better for it

OP posts:
Timetoheal4good · 07/07/2024 23:04

Peakyshelby · 07/07/2024 23:00

My goodness it’s mumsnet batshittery at its finest tonight!!!!

I was just thinking the same

Normallynumb · 07/07/2024 23:00

Your friend is acting like a spoilt 5 year old!
You have lots going on, are pregnant and have ADD, which she knows
You didn't ignore her birthday you were a day late
You did nothing wrong, and sound kind and considerate.
She is rude and selfish
I wouldn't reply... ever
Return the present if you don't want it.
She doesn't deserve it.

Peakyshelby · 07/07/2024 23:00

My goodness it’s mumsnet batshittery at its finest tonight!!!!

Luio · 07/07/2024 22:58

Wineontap1233 · 07/07/2024 20:11

Op I don't mean this in a nasty way but having ADD and or being pregnant and dealing with the kids isn't a get out clause for forgetting important dates or making effort for your friends bday. It feels like you put all that in to add weight to your side of the story. That said I'm really curious as to why someone would be so aggressive over one late bday text... would be interesting to hear their side... a late bday text really isn't worthy of being told to f off...

The majority of people at this age don’t make a big deal out of their birthday though, so I don’t think many people would consider it a particularly important date.

Original poster
Anonforthisq · 07/07/2024 22:56

Educationexpert · 07/07/2024 22:48

She wasn’t. She was told to fuck off after she didn’t drop the present and preceded to text about another event that she didn’t forget this time, conveniently

Show quote history

Do you think ppl either forget 100% of things or 0% of things? Ur acting like its impossible to believe someone could forget one thing but not another when that literally happens all the time. I dont get what point your trying to make at all

OP posts:
Original poster
Anonforthisq · 07/07/2024 22:53

Educationexpert · 07/07/2024 22:47

No I'm on the friend’s side after reading more.

Your friend always remembers in advance and on the day. You can’t do the same. ADD is not an excuse (I also have this, hate people using it as some bizarre excuse. You don’t forget your child’s birthdays I assume or husbands or other close family).

You couldn’t remember which is ok, we all sometimes get caught up - but you apologise and drop the present round for that apology. But you couldn’t be fucked.

Youre not a good friend.

It’s not that I couldnt be fucked at all. It would be a 40 min round trip to take it to hers whereas I was planning to drop it when I pass hers on my way too or from work tomorrow. Between two kids one of which is ill, a job, and all the other life shit that has to get done I havnt had 40 mins to do it which is why i told her id drop it round soon instead of making a promise of a specific date i might not be able to do.

we are literally talking about a small £10 present here not the Crown Jewels, a 40yo woman can wait a few days without it needing to be a huge drama

OP posts:
Luio · 07/07/2024 22:51

I am very grateful that nobody in my life is like this woman. If I were you, I would be very happy to fuck off out of her life.

Educationexpert · 07/07/2024 22:48

Peakyshelby · 07/07/2024 22:45

Only on mumsnet would it be suggested the op was unreasonable for not dropping the present off after she was told to fuck off.

my friend has to have a birthday week as well!!! And gets pissed off when people don’t engage as much as she wants.

She wasn’t. She was told to fuck off after she didn’t drop the present and preceded to text about another event that she didn’t forget this time, conveniently

Educationexpert · 07/07/2024 22:47

No I'm on the friend’s side after reading more.

Your friend always remembers in advance and on the day. You can’t do the same. ADD is not an excuse (I also have this, hate people using it as some bizarre excuse. You don’t forget your child’s birthdays I assume or husbands or other close family).

You couldn’t remember which is ok, we all sometimes get caught up - but you apologise and drop the present round for that apology. But you couldn’t be fucked.

Youre not a good friend.

WallaceinAnderland · 07/07/2024 22:47

If someone tells me to fuck off, I tend to do as they ask. I don't want someone like that in my life and clearly they don't want me in theirs so everyone's happy.

Surprisedbuthappy · 07/07/2024 22:45

I'd be fucking off permanently!

Peakyshelby · 07/07/2024 22:45

Only on mumsnet would it be suggested the op was unreasonable for not dropping the present off after she was told to fuck off.

my friend has to have a birthday week as well!!! And gets pissed off when people don’t engage as much as she wants.

SavageTomato · 07/07/2024 22:45

She's being completely fucking batshit crazy. Like a 6 year old having a tantrum. And that's an insult to 6 year olds. Her bullshit traditions don't trump your time and life. You even texted her the next day. Not one of my friends would react like that, because they are not batshit and we're grown up enough for it not to matter. Dump!

ZoomDoomZoom · 07/07/2024 22:44

Block and move on as life is too short for this nonsense. I've attended several funerals recently & there's nothing like a funeral to remind us how precious & short life is. I recommend going to one just to give yourself a reality check.

Bettysnow · 07/07/2024 22:42

Nasty, immature, 40 yr old brat! I would reply "gladly!"
Nobody needs this crap in their lives from people who are supposed to be their friend!

SleepPrettyDarling · 07/07/2024 22:41

Wineontap1233 · 07/07/2024 20:11

Op I don't mean this in a nasty way but having ADD and or being pregnant and dealing with the kids isn't a get out clause for forgetting important dates or making effort for your friends bday. It feels like you put all that in to add weight to your side of the story. That said I'm really curious as to why someone would be so aggressive over one late bday text... would be interesting to hear their side... a late bday text really isn't worthy of being told to f off...

Actually I think it’s perfectly human to forget things - we all do it - and the OP has a big mental load going on too. If it was a sibling/childhood friend whose birthday is engrained in your memory, you might feel a bit worse for forgetting; but even so, the birthday person is a right dick for responding like this.

VisitationRights · 07/07/2024 22:40

YANBU he response is pathetic

JaffaCake70 · 07/07/2024 22:37

I once saw a friend of mine across the street, I shouted her name and she turned round and shouted "go away (my name) and don't speak to me".

I never found out what I'd done to warrant this behaviour. I racked my brains and honestly couldn't think of anything. So I gave her her wish, I went away and I never spoke to her ever again.

Someone who will tell you to Fuck Off after you've apologised and have offered her concert tickets doesn't deserve your friendship.

Shakespeareandi · 07/07/2024 22:37

Frazzledmummy123 · 07/07/2024 20:00

Sounds to me like there is more deeper things going on with your friend than just the fact you forgot her birthday. She is definitely unreasonable to have told you to fuck off, if she was hurt she should have discussed it with you like an adult.

My thoughts are, she isnt a happy person at the moment, perhaps very stressed (not that that's an excuse), and her hurt at you not wishing her a happy birthday has been escalated into a big deal.

I wouldn't respond.

Yes, I'd think this too. YANBU but I'd treat her kindly anyway if she is a good friend. Way out of order, but if she is not usually like this I'd be worried. Maybe she is feeling really low and depressed, not an excuse of course, but people can act very out of character if mental health issues, health issues, stress, grief etc etc. Maybe just felt forgotten/unimportant to you and triggered something in her. Maybe nobody remembered her birthday. Unlikely to be just about the birthday.
I'd leave it a few days (might be enough time for her to regret being arsey and to apologise ) and then send a message explaining you had a lot going on, and that you are sorry, and would love to go for a coffee and give your present.