Told to f*ck off for forgetting a birthday

If you would allow your friend to tell you to fuck off, (no matter what the circumstances) and then you pandered to them to find out why... you need to raise your boundaries. The friend should be grown up enough to tell OP why she is annoyed and discuss it.

^I agree with this. Especially as the OP had already apologised for not remembering to text her on her actual birthday, and had in fact already bought her a card and pressie.

🤣🤣🤣 at some of these replies

Seriously, just give her a 🤣 or 👍 she will know you've read it and that you can't be arsed with her shit.

This is a load of crap.

If this person takes some time and then comes back to apologise for the message and gives an explanation for their behaviour, by all means listen and forgive as appropriate.

No need to be a doormat though. Texting a friend to fuck off is never acceptable and you have the right to protect yourself. You have stuff going on too.

She's got stuff going on. She's probably supported you a lot. And now wants something back. It's a sign of severe stress.

Exactly. And all these “I can’t believe what I am reading” posts and “we don’t do this in my circle so cut her off” posts are just as bad as the fuck off

In “my circle” (ridiculous phrase but keeping up with the tone of this thread) if someone told me to fuck off and it was out of character for them, I would be concerned about them and want to check in to see what is going on. Not cut them off. To me that’s why most of MN seem to have an issue with friendships if they cut people off straight away with no conversation

And it’s not about having no boundaries it’s about being empathetic to someone IF it’s out of character. If it was an ongoing thing then I wouldn’t have bothered sending them a birthday message anyway, on the day or not

The "friend" seems miffed about something. I can't believe that it's about the OP forgetting her birthday, as that is way too trivial to warrant the fuck off text. There must be something else going on.

Well. the card's pointless now.

Op I don't mean this in a nasty way but having ADD and or being pregnant and dealing with the kids isn't a get out clause for forgetting important dates or making effort for your friends bday

What's the get out clause for telling a friend to fuck off?

If the friend is 'allowed' to behave so dramatically over a birthday, the OP is allowed to decide that she doesn't want to cater to her friends fragile ego.

"You don’t forget your child’s birthdays I assume or husbands or other close family"

You shouldn't assume anything. DH and I both have ADHD and we forgot our wedding anniversay this year. I also forgot his birthday; we don't "do" cards/presents but I forgot to wish him a happy birthday until lunchtime. Even when I know for weeks that a family member's birthday is coming up, suddenly it's three days away and I've forgotten to factor in the time it takes to actually plan, order, and wrap a gift.

It's not a bizarre excuse, ADHD highly disabling for some people and my lack of executive functioning has had a crippling effect on every area of my life. I have a million lists and reminders on my phone but no solution is fool-proof.

Definitely ✊

Definitely can see you asking for cash donations for your wedding.

I could never accept that from a friend, and the frienship would be over for me. I would not like someone like that in my life.

If we had been friends for 30 years I might ask her if she was okay and her message didn't sound like her. But for a short friendship it would over for me.

No present. No response.

delete her number and delete her from your life!

I would do exactly as she requested and fuck right off. She is rude in the extreme, there is no excuse in the world for speaking to a 'friend' like this. Not a person I would want to continue a friendship with.

Snap. I’m so glad my circle is chilled about this sort of stuff and show that we’re friends by our actions not by sending birthday texts.

Honestly MN blows my mind at times with the rigid rules people impose on their friends and family.

Anyone who is standing up for the rude friend throwing her toys out of the pram is just as batshit as her

Agreed.
Cannot imagine people actually behave or think like this.
It explains a LOT.
Texts are a perfectly acceptable birthday greeting in my circle of friends of more than 40 years.
Like the thread about a woman being told off for not making a group walk because she has other responsibilities.....
Completely batshit.
Perhaps this is a reason some people successfully navigate long loving supportive friendships and others don't.

We CAN see the wood for the trees in friends and wouldn't dream of being anything but supportive and understanding when they are under pressure.

I hope the OP doesn't reply to that woman and focuses her energy on other friends.

She has clearly shown who she is...that is ridiculously high maintenance.

Same! It blows my mind that people think this is acceptable and/or warranted. I like a good swear as much as the next person but not at my friends. And over a birthday? Ridiculous!

Threads like these are a real eye opener.

As an adult, I've never been sworn at by a friend, and have never sworn at a friend either.

Forgotten birthday or not, she's bang out of order, and I'm flabbergasted at the number of posters who are arguing her side in this.

I love this!

I'd be sending "consider it done"

I'd be shocked if a friend sent me this text. It's no wonder you are upset OP. I would send a message saying 'I'm sorry you feel like this. I was shocked to read your messsge. It's probably better if we don't contact each other again' The trouble is if you have mutual friends you gather with it's more difficult to cut her out of your life. If not then I'd definitely end the friendship.

Wow! What a kn*b! Sorry but has she forgotten how baby brain works both during and after pregnancy. Plus your household has been hit by multitudes of sickness! I wouldn't bother texting her again. She should understand being a mum too.

…and this is how you behave when in primary school. However as an adult it’s pretty pathetic behaviour.

Your friend is being ott and ridiculous OP, not to mention very rude. I’d leave it personally (unless your friend is in fact 7 years old, in which case her behaviour is entirely reasonable).