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AIBU?

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Original poster

Told to f*ck off for forgetting a birthday

362 replies

Anonforthisq · 07/07/2024 19:54

First off I know im unreasonable for this part but I forgot my friends bday. I remembered the day after and texted on weds to say so sorry I forgot, happy bday, will drop a pressie round soon. Dont hear anything back but dont think anything off it, we both have young kids and busy lives. Texted her again today to ask if she wants to come to a concert I have tickets for next week and she just texted back ‘fuck off’

AIBU to think she’s totally ott?I know it’s bad I forgot (she always remembes!) but j apologised. It’s been a hard week. My youngest has slapped cheek and is miserable, oldest is SEN, I’m pregnant and have ADD. She knows all this btw. We’re women in our 40s, I like birthdays and celebrating but I wouldnt mind even a little bit of someone forgot my bday, especially if they apologised after.

I haven’t texted back and don’t know what to do now

OP posts:
TinySmol · 07/07/2024 21:00

I wouldn't give her anything now.
And I wouldn't contact her again either.

Original poster
Anonforthisq · 07/07/2024 20:57

ilovesushi · 07/07/2024 20:56

Your friend is mental - and rude. Since when were adult birthdays outside of family a thing? I get you might throw a big party for a milestone birthday but I couldn't tell you the birthday of 99% of my friends. If they all have the hump with me for forgetting or not knowing, I haven't noticed.

You've got bloody loads going on in your life, plus you have ADD, so I think you can shelve all thought of birthdays from now to evermore beyond your very closest family. Remove a bit of the mental load for yourself. You've enough on. x

This is really kind thabk you

OP posts:
hollyivy123 · 07/07/2024 20:57

Brendabigbaps · 07/07/2024 20:00

Ive considered doing this to a friend of mine in the past, it was the last thing in a long line of “moments”

This has happened to me too. Like a slow burn of friendship annoyance/fade. I cut off a friendship for someone forgetting something, though I suspected she thought she'd remembered but then conveniently forgotton and she had other plans. If the simplest of things you can't fathom as 'an overreaction' it's likely that you've been fading for a while before that and this person has been getting annoyed for a while but you didn't see it. Just IME

Iffx · 07/07/2024 20:57

Anonforthisq · 07/07/2024 20:13

Not yet. Was going to do it tomorrow cos i pass her house to and from work. Dont know what to do with it now 😅 should i still drop it off or am i best just to leave it now

Show quote history

Return for a refund.

if she asks tell her you did that as she had told you clearly to fuck off

WinterFaye2 · 07/07/2024 20:56

I agree with the person that said they would reply “are you ok”. That way she makes the decision about dropping off the gift for you.

If she reply’s with more abuse, you don’t drop it off and you forget her. Or if she replies like an adult/a miracle happens and she apologises then you would drop it off at some point.

Her reaction was over the top. My friends must have the patience of saints because I struggle to remember my own birthday some days let alone other peoples. As much as I love and value my friends, it’s just incredibly hard to remember everything.

Hope you are ok

ilovesushi · 07/07/2024 20:56

Your friend is mental - and rude. Since when were adult birthdays outside of family a thing? I get you might throw a big party for a milestone birthday but I couldn't tell you the birthday of 99% of my friends. If they all have the hump with me for forgetting or not knowing, I haven't noticed.

You've got bloody loads going on in your life, plus you have ADD, so I think you can shelve all thought of birthdays from now to evermore beyond your very closest family. Remove a bit of the mental load for yourself. You've enough on. x

Everyoneesleistheproblem · 07/07/2024 20:56

Anonforthisq · 07/07/2024 20:18

Maybe this is what i should do now and then leave it if it doesnt go anywhere

Show quote history

No! Asking " Are you ok" to someone who has just told you to fuck off is ridiculous.
Of course she's not, that's why she's told you to F off.

If you actually care, apologise, acknowledge she always remembers yours and say that you don't prioritise birthdays but you have a card and present.

If you don't just don't respond.

Original poster
Anonforthisq · 07/07/2024 20:55

inlandriverview · 07/07/2024 20:50

If you have known hwr for five years, why do you exchange birthday gifts?

Seems odd for 40somethings

A card...yes . But i never expect cards from
Friends

Just do! Theyre not big things (this year she got me a nice bottle of hand soap and I got her (but wont be giving now! A silky hair turban thing she mentioned she wanted. Just like £10 things. The reason i do feel bad is she always remembes and drops things round a few days before nd texts on the day. So i do get that its important to her and she does remember others. But i still think shes harsh about a mistake and i feel sad about it

OP posts:
Runnerinthenight · 07/07/2024 20:54

AstonMartha · 07/07/2024 20:35

I think that you were both rude tbh.

Nonsense! The OP was not rude.

I'd either text, "are you sure you meant to send this to me?" or just drop her.

Ihopeithinkiknow · 07/07/2024 20:54

I had a friend who completely blanked me because I had to take my daughter to the emergency dentist and I was gonna be a bit late going to her house for a brew and a chat lol she was hard work and we haven't spoken since lol about 7 years ago that was, I did text her at the time telling her that when she decides to bloody grow up get back in touch but until then I'm out. Can't be arsed with full grown adults acting like babies so just tell her to fuck off herself

Iffx · 07/07/2024 20:54

BrightLightTonight · 07/07/2024 20:42

I would respond and say “OK will do - have a fab life”

Good option

MathiasBroucek · 07/07/2024 20:53

Do NOT give the present unless she apologises. And ignore the idiotic trolls who are implying you are anything other than the innocent victim...

Iffx · 07/07/2024 20:52

I would never talk to her again.
no need to reply to her “fuck off” message
she sounds like a spoilt cow

inlandriverview · 07/07/2024 20:52

You definitely need to do as she asked snd fuck off .../forever

LouLou198 · 07/07/2024 20:50

Rude and uncalled for.
Life gets busy, we all forget things.
My friend has forgotten birthday several times, it's really no big deals. I do however know if I ever needed anything she would be there in a heartbeat. That's what matters to me!

inlandriverview · 07/07/2024 20:50

If you have known hwr for five years, why do you exchange birthday gifts?

Seems odd for 40somethings

A card...yes . But i never expect cards from
Friends

CatherineofAmazon · 07/07/2024 20:48

Just because she makes a huge deal of her birthday doesn’t mean everybody else has to too. You forgot, it happens. I wouldn’t bother with messaging her back. After her very rude message I would leave the ball in her court. She’s pathetic.

BlackBean2023 · 07/07/2024 20:47

She is unreasonable for telling you to fuck of but I suspect there's more to the story.

I have a 'friend' who never has time for me, forgets birthdays, only calls when she wants something or it's on her terms and there's been many a time I've said "fuck off" to my phone - she just actually sent it!

Fedupwithitx · 07/07/2024 20:46

People who are precious about their birthdays are so immature in my opinion, celebrating or having a party great happy for you, but throwing a tantrum because people forget the date is down right embarrassing....don't feel bad she's acting like a toddler

DialEmforMurder · 07/07/2024 20:45

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns.

Iseeyoupekingduck · 07/07/2024 20:44

I think there is probably a lot more to this story than meets the eye.

SamW98 · 07/07/2024 20:44

Anonforthisq · 07/07/2024 20:21

I havent failed i just havent done it yet. I didnt tell her a specific day, was going to go next time i passed her house.

no i dont often let her down - we dont socialise that much and its usually casual but ive never cancelled. Ive been to 3 of her bday parties and brought gidts. She didnt have a big party this yr cos her husband is working abroad 4 six months and she didnt want to organise it alone.

Show quote history

She had a birthday party every year??? She sounds like a spoilt brat at primary school not a grown adult.

Sorry OP but I think she sounds a self absorbed twat and she’s no loss

ThatsAFineLookingHighHorse · 07/07/2024 20:42

She was very rude. On purpose. For no good reason.

I'd not be messaging the 5 year old again.

BrightLightTonight · 07/07/2024 20:42

I would respond and say “OK will do - have a fab life”

Edenmum2 · 07/07/2024 20:41

If my friend told me to fuck off they wouldn't be my friend anymore