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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU - going to the Park with kids and a dog

96 replies

VeganAvo · 07/07/2024 18:05

I feel like I am being unreasonable but this is a common event so advice appreciated.

DP has 2 DC and I have 3 DC. My DC are young teens so not particularly into going to the park or family dog walks anymore. His DC are 8 and 11.

As we have a young, super energetic dog, we need to go on daily walks.

DP likes the DC to get out of the house on weekends and the DC like the park so he wants us to all go on these walks together.

This is where it all starts. They always want to take a bike or scooter, so if we are going in the car we have to get all the large items into the car.

Then when we get there they don’t want to ride the bike after 10 mins so DP has to carry it. they complain about walking and it can take us 45 mins to walk one mile. During this time the dog is getting frustrated by the slow speed.

They always expect to go to a play ground park on every walk, FIRST before the dog gets walked. So if we go from home on foot, the dog just gets walked less than half a mile round trip to the play park and back.

Then the dog is attached to the railings getting upset whilst we are stuck inside a park pushing on swings and doing monkey bars (they won’t play in the park without one of us being right there)

Or I am standing outside the park with dog while the dog goes loopy as hasn’t had a proper walk yet. I can’t get the dog to leave them in the park to go walk as she can see them and she refuses to go.

When we convince them we need to leave to walk the dog, they complain the whole way home about having to walk.

This weekend we used the break between the rain to go to good parks that had both play equipment and space to walk the dog. Twice I was stuck there for 45 mins standing still with the dog going more and more loopy as she can’t get to them inside the park, she wouldn’t come with me either, and eventually I said come on can we just go for a walk now? They did not want to come out of the play park to walk the dog, so I said enough now, you have played for ages, we need to walk the dog before it rains again.

The dog got half a mile around a field walk in the end with both DC trailing hundreds of meters behind us in a mood, and both DC have been sulking with me since. DP got all stressed with me saying it’s not a big deal.

I also think it’s good for DC to get out of the house but I find this so stressful as neither the dogs needs or the DC’s are ever met and someone is always unhappy about something.

I think he should let me walk the dog on my own and take the DC to the play park separately unless he’s going to set a time limit on the play equipment so the dog gets a proper walk too, or we go to the play equipment at the end of the dog walk. AIBU?

When we talked about getting a dog I warned him that his kids are not good dog walkers as they are too slow and reluctant for this breed and he was all cocky that it would ‘be fine’.

OP posts:
Julyshouldbesunny · 07/07/2024 18:51

Any chance you keep the ddog and ditch the dodo's? How far is the park? Set off with ddog and meet up there.. He can pander to his dc while you be a responsible ddog owner and walk the poor ddog..

Riversideandrelax · 07/07/2024 18:50

VeganAvo · 07/07/2024 18:32

He gets all funny if I do this and then we all have to go. The dog is a family dog so you have to do it as a family.

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Just ignore him and go. Let him get funny on his own!

wutheringkites · 07/07/2024 18:48

Can't you give the dog a walk first and then they meet you at the park afterwards?

PangolinPan · 07/07/2024 18:48

Yeah, you've got a DP problem here. My kids are about the same ages but they do the adult workout stuff with the adults and I wouldn't hold a kid on monkey bars at any age.

What does "getting funny" if you take the dog out look like?

Is this the only fresh air they get the whole day or something? Why is he so attached to it? I don't have a dog but surely it can just be a job that needs doing before the day proper starts, without it being this ordeal?

SuePreemly · 07/07/2024 18:48

Our family spaniels don't always go out on family outings. They have separate walks which are focused on breed specific enrichment and skills and training. Basically it knackers their brains out as well as bodies.

They then stay home and nap whilst I take kids out places.

We do sometimes go to the big park in town, which has fairground rides etc but TBH I insist on a lap of the park and some dog time, first.

Spaniels are high energy but gundog classes and breed specific enrichment walks will make your life easier.

The kids can be training helpers in the park reloading treat bowls and putting out dummies etc that way they are engaged with the dog too.

Riversideandrelax · 07/07/2024 18:47

aodirjjd · 07/07/2024 18:39

11 is to old for playground surely? Tbh at 8 and 11 I’d say they were old enough to be left in playground by themselves and for you to pick them up at the end of the walk. But I think you are making a rod for your own back with this. You walk the dog away from them. I know you said she won’t leave them but you need to drag or bribe it and I’m sure once out of sight she will forget the kids! Unless the park is really small in which case take her somewhere bigger.

My DD is 12 and still plays in the playground. And she's not the only one. Loads from her school are there before or after school. I mean my 17yo even enjoys a bit of a play sometimes! I don't think we need to push DC to grow up too quickly!

Original poster
VeganAvo · 07/07/2024 18:44

No they are not typos lol. I swear his eldest would still be asking DP questions if DP had his head chopped off, completely oblivious to it. They are super demanding but he has encouraged it so this is on him. This is just one thing there are loads of other things.

One DC is not very confident aka clingy as hell so DP is drafted in for that one almost all the time. Dad can you help me on this climbing frame. Dad can you catch me on the slide. Dad I want to do these monkey bars but you have to hold me the whole time

you know the parks I hate the most - one with a zip wire. They are both needing pushing and seemingly too feeble to do it themselves 😂

OP posts:
Riversideandrelax · 07/07/2024 18:43

He doesn't have to 'let you.' Just walk the dog separately, it's not fair on the dog otherwise.

longdistanceclaraclara · 07/07/2024 18:41

My did used to sit and whine at the fence when the kids were in the play park. It distressed him as he wanted to be with them. We did dog walks without a play park or kid walks with a play park.

Original poster
VeganAvo · 07/07/2024 18:40

spinningplates2024 · 07/07/2024 18:37

what breed is the dog? As in how much should she be walked?

She is a spaniel mix and she is energetic as heck. She gets over excited but she is well trained in that she has perfect recall, will follow all commands but I don’t think it’s the dogs fault so I am not focusing on training her to be less bothered by these shitty walks lol

I do walk her alone as does he, but he is keen on these weekend outing trips for some fresh air which I am starting to hate 🙁

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 07/07/2024 18:39

Train your dog better so he leavesthe children. One walks him, one stays with the dc. Everyone happy.

InTheRainOnATrain · 07/07/2024 18:39

Pushing on swings? Carrying a discarded scooter? Are the ages typos and they’re actually toddlers? If they are really 8 and 11 then yikes. Is the playground even suitable for those ages? All but one of the ones near me are under 10s and given the equipment and the fact they’re busy with toddlers I’d consider even 8YOs pushing it for most of them. I’d just walk the dogs with my kids and leave DP to it with whatever strange dynamic is going on there tbh.

aodirjjd · 07/07/2024 18:39

11 is to old for playground surely? Tbh at 8 and 11 I’d say they were old enough to be left in playground by themselves and for you to pick them up at the end of the walk. But I think you are making a rod for your own back with this. You walk the dog away from them. I know you said she won’t leave them but you need to drag or bribe it and I’m sure once out of sight she will forget the kids! Unless the park is really small in which case take her somewhere bigger.

spinningplates2024 · 07/07/2024 18:37

what breed is the dog? As in how much should she be walked?

YouJustDoYou · 07/07/2024 18:37

VeganAvo · 07/07/2024 18:32

He gets all funny if I do this and then we all have to go. The dog is a family dog so you have to do it as a family.

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Nope. Life doesn't always work like that, he's going to have to realise you don't all HAVE to do everything together, all the time. Nobody always has time to have to operate like that, how ridiculous.

YouJustDoYou · 07/07/2024 18:36

OP, this situation is ridiculous and he is mollycoddling his kids. I'm often on my own with my three and our dog, they know full well I'm not going to be carrying their bike when they get tired, they either bring the scooter instead or they leave their bike on the walk for someone to knick it. They're not 3 years old, they are between 8 and 11 and perfectly capable of using the two things at the end of their arms to carry their own damn bikes. They also know that if doggo comes with us (which I don't often do as it;s far easier managing kids without the dog in tow), they can go in the park on their own whilst I walk the dog back and forth a bit nearby, or they don't go in.

cupcaske123 · 07/07/2024 18:36

VeganAvo · 07/07/2024 18:32

He gets all funny if I do this and then we all have to go. The dog is a family dog so you have to do it as a family.

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Surely the dog can go for a walk and go to the park. Am I getting controlling vibes here OP?

Apolloneuro · 07/07/2024 18:33

Well, let him get all funny. He’ll live.

Original poster
VeganAvo · 07/07/2024 18:32

Apolloneuro · 07/07/2024 18:32

OP, my love, you’re making too much of this. Get up, have breakfast, put your coat on and say “I’m taking doggy for a walk. I’ll come to the park with you later, if you like. Bye. See you later.”

He gets all funny if I do this and then we all have to go. The dog is a family dog so you have to do it as a family.

OP posts:
Apolloneuro · 07/07/2024 18:32

OP, my love, you’re making too much of this. Get up, have breakfast, put your coat on and say “I’m taking doggy for a walk. I’ll come to the park with you later, if you like. Bye. See you later.”

Original poster
VeganAvo · 07/07/2024 18:31

Ponoka7 · 07/07/2024 18:27

At 8 and 11 they must be unusually small if they can't fit the park gym equipment. The only thing my 7 year old GC can't reach is the sit down cycle. It sounds as if you don't want the stage they are at and understand that, when you've done that stage.

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They were the large pull up bars not the bikes and stuff. A sit up bench. The one where you rest your elbows on ledges and pull your legs up in front of you. They are all really tall and adult sized

OP posts:
Bemusedandconfusedagain · 07/07/2024 18:30

What we do is one person goes ahead and walks the dog, other person brings DC down a while later and we then meet at the end to walk back together or go to the cafe or whatever.

Original poster
VeganAvo · 07/07/2024 18:29

I am very active I love walking and jogging so walking a dog is something Iove to do. I have already done my parenting time of standing in cold damp parks so DP thinks I am just over the whole experience and my expectations of kids aren’t realistic. They are whingy about a million other things don’t get me started on those. This is just what we have dealt with all weekend

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 07/07/2024 18:27

VeganAvo · 07/07/2024 18:20

He has really made me think I am unreasonable here and that I have unreasonable expectations. It’s good to hear that’s not everyone’s opinions! Recently they wouldn’t get off the local park gym equipment and none of it was suitable for them as far too big and other people were trying to work out, so watching DP hold them up to everything was not just boring but gave me an ick. You don’t need to play on everything and I said can we just let these people work out in peace and go? Still took another 15 mins to get them off the stuff

At 8 and 11 they must be unusually small if they can't fit the park gym equipment. The only thing my 7 year old GC can't reach is the sit down cycle. It sounds as if you don't want the stage they are at and understand that, when you've done that stage.

cheddercherry · 07/07/2024 18:24

The more you write the more I genuinely feel sorry for you when these kids are teens (surprisingly not far off in age for their behaviour). My five year old wouldn’t ask us to carry their scooter or bike and nor would we entertain it. You’re so far from unreasonable in this and I’m sorry you’ve been made to think by your partner that you’re the problem in this.