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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Please someone tell me.what to do

67 replies

IamaRevenant · 07/07/2024 17:57

I'm sorry, I'm aware I've posted before.

I'm the breadwinner between me and husband, always have been. He doesn't work full tim due to mental health. Over the last few months I've not been working (my mental and physical health has gone to shit). Husband is saying he's going to divorce me as I'm pathetic. Meanwhile he's never worked more than 16 hrs and everything else is funded by me.

Aibu to expect a bit of reciprocation? I've supported him for.six years and now he's stomping around the flat screaming at me and threatening that he'll forcibly evict me (it's HA, his tenancy) because I don't have a job. And in the same breath asking for more money.

I don't know what's normal any more.

OP posts:
MyCatHatesSandals · 07/07/2024 19:21

By posting repeatedly on here, OP, you get to offload your discomfort and frustration on us, while simultaneously resisting all attempts to help yourself.

Only you can stop this.

Noshowlomo · 07/07/2024 19:16

You need to take your house back, obviously give them notice and then take your life back coz this fucker won’t make it any better, the leech

RandomMess · 07/07/2024 19:14

We had 4 DC in a small 3 bed, move back into your home and your DB can move out when they've found somewhere else.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 07/07/2024 19:13

You need your house back OP, tell your brother that they need to find somewhere else but you'll be moving in in the meantime.

You can't stay any longer in that house with that man

Coconutter24 · 07/07/2024 19:10

He’ll divorce you because you don’t have any money? So is he only married to you because you’re the breadwinner and pay for things?
I don’t think you would be unreasonable to point out that you’ve supported him for 6 years whilst he’s struggled with his mental health and you now would like some support back. If he carries on stomping around after that then you know where you stand so have to decide to leave or stay and be used

Propertyshmoperty · 07/07/2024 19:07

IamaRevenant · 07/07/2024 18:52

There is no room, my DNs live there and it's a 3 bed. Otherwise my brother would do whatever is needed

Show quote history

It's your house OP they either need to make room or you need to get the house back. Are they paying you rent? Would they consider giving you a bedroom for reduced rent? How many children do they have? Xx

Boysmum92 · 07/07/2024 19:04

Leave

xyz111 · 07/07/2024 18:58

If it's your house, then you need to tell your brother what is going on, and you need to move back in.

Original poster
IamaRevenant · 07/07/2024 18:52

Bananalanacake · 07/07/2024 18:50

Tell your brother everything he is doing to you, a kind brother would let you stay until you can sort something out.

There is no room, my DNs live there and it's a 3 bed. Otherwise my brother would do whatever is needed

OP posts:
macaroniandcheeze · 07/07/2024 18:50

Leave. Tell your brother you’re coming to stay, take your stuff and contact the relevant support services and go from there.
Rights of women
Women’s Aid
Citizen’s advice
google free divorce solicitor consultations in your area

good luck. You deserve better

Bananalanacake · 07/07/2024 18:50

Tell your brother everything he is doing to you, a kind brother would let you stay until you can sort something out.

TiddlyCove · 07/07/2024 18:47

Please someone tell me.what to do

LTB.

OrangeSlices998 · 07/07/2024 18:46

IamaRevenant · 07/07/2024 18:27

No DC. I have a house but my brother lives there with his wife and kids.

I don't think I can afford to rent, it's ridiculous in Bristol.

I just feel stuck.

Show quote history

Tell your brother what’s going on, either move in with him or give him notice to move elsewhere. You cannot stay with this horrible horrible man

Original poster
IamaRevenant · 07/07/2024 18:46

I feel I'm.drip feeding and apologies for that, but he stalks my posts and so does his ex. So they'll be shared shortly.

Need to get out of this don't I.

OP posts:
BeanCountingContinues · 07/07/2024 18:44

Aibu to expect a bit of reciprocation?

Yes. YABU to expect him to be someone his is not. He is [insert string of expletives and choice adjectives here].
It is never reasonable to expect him to give what he won't give, behave how he will never behave. He is just not that person.

Your mistake is thinking that being in a relationship means he has to try and be a better person for you.

He won't change. EVER.

Your only choice is to leave.

CheltenhamLady · 07/07/2024 18:44

With respect, OP I very much doubt that any loving brother would want you to endure this type of abuse whilst he lived in your house. I would ask if you can move in with him and go from there. Good luck.

Original poster
IamaRevenant · 07/07/2024 18:27

Bananalanacake · 07/07/2024 18:17

Could you afford to rent on your own, being a lodger in someone's house might be cheaper. Do you have DC together. Don't waste another day with this worthless shit.

No DC. I have a house but my brother lives there with his wife and kids.

I don't think I can afford to rent, it's ridiculous in Bristol.

I just feel stuck.

OP posts:
Original poster
IamaRevenant · 07/07/2024 18:24

Loapal · 07/07/2024 17:59

This is beyond ridiculous. Why are you with this man? Surely you can see that you're clearly not being unreasonable?!

Honestly, I don't know. I was in a physically abusive relationship for my entire 20s before this, financial abuse seems better than that.

I think my perception is just screwed 😬

OP posts:
magicmushrooms · 07/07/2024 18:23

Reciprocation is 100% to be expected in a supportive and healthy marriage. Unfortunately for you OP this is not what you are in. This is not a supportive, happy partnership. I suspect your mental health will be much better without him.

He is being pathetic by expecting you to provide for him and bullying you into giving him money he has not worked for. He is panicking that his source of income (you) is not there any more and is trying to bully you back into work.

Stop giving him money and give it to a solicitor to help you out of this mess. Maybe start off with women's aid for some pointers

DoreenonTill8 · 07/07/2024 18:20

Bizarrely hoping you don't have a work pension for the shitty fucker to come after.

AstonMartha · 07/07/2024 18:19

Do you have anywhere to go and anyone to look after you @IamaRevenant ? Even if it’s not forever but you won’t get better with him shouting and making threats.

Bananalanacake · 07/07/2024 18:17

Could you afford to rent on your own, being a lodger in someone's house might be cheaper. Do you have DC together. Don't waste another day with this worthless shit.

TheStateOfTheArt · 07/07/2024 18:17

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 07/07/2024 18:14

This isn't quite answering your post but if you've been employed why isn't your company paying sick pay?

If your company only pays statutory, it’s slightly over £100 a week. It’s nothing.

theonlygirl · 07/07/2024 18:16

Well I can tell you that's not normal, in a loving and supportive relationship.
He's angry because he thinks he's lost his gravy train.
I guarantee your mental and physical health will improve dramatically when you leave him. Which I hope you are able to do x

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 07/07/2024 18:14

This isn't quite answering your post but if you've been employed why isn't your company paying sick pay?