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AIBU?

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Original poster

Please someone tell me.what to do

67 replies

IamaRevenant · 07/07/2024 17:57

I'm sorry, I'm aware I've posted before.

I'm the breadwinner between me and husband, always have been. He doesn't work full tim due to mental health. Over the last few months I've not been working (my mental and physical health has gone to shit). Husband is saying he's going to divorce me as I'm pathetic. Meanwhile he's never worked more than 16 hrs and everything else is funded by me.

Aibu to expect a bit of reciprocation? I've supported him for.six years and now he's stomping around the flat screaming at me and threatening that he'll forcibly evict me (it's HA, his tenancy) because I don't have a job. And in the same breath asking for more money.

I don't know what's normal any more.

OP posts:
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DancingDolly · 08/07/2024 20:11

Miley1967 · 07/07/2024 21:29

This is not true- if the tenancy is in his name then op has no rights to remain there against his will.

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This is NOT true. It doesn't matter if the tenancy is in his name only - she acquires tenant rights when they married. See Shelter about this. I appreciate that staying in the property is not necessarily what OP wants or needs to do right now but legally he cannot kick her out

macaroniandcheeze · 08/07/2024 17:49

LividLoved · 07/07/2024 20:27

You've been in a physically abusive relationship and your current one is at best emotionally abusive.

You need to escape, and you own a home but are putting your brother's wants before your own needs.

You need to TELL your brother that you're moving back in for a while, and he can budge a room up for you or if he'd rather enjoy some space he's welcome to move out and pay his way.

You're a grown woman who is so used to being trampled on that you can't see the wood for the trees. You need to put yourself first, for the first time.

This!

macaroniandcheeze · 08/07/2024 17:48

IamaRevenant · 07/07/2024 18:52

There is no room, my DNs live there and it's a 3 bed. Otherwise my brother would do whatever is needed

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It’s your house and you need it. Someone can sleep on the sofa. This is an emergency!!!

Original poster
IamaRevenant · 07/07/2024 23:21

Miley1967 · 07/07/2024 21:29

This is not true- if the tenancy is in his name then op has no rights to remain there against his will.

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No I have no rights and I would never try to claim any, he was street homeless before he got this HA place and I'd never try to take it from him.

OP posts:
Miley1967 · 07/07/2024 21:29

ShouldhavebeencalledAppollo · 07/07/2024 18:03

Honestly, you need to leave him.

probably better to do while you aren’t working.

You are married so it doesn’t matter if the tenancy is in his name. It’s still the marital home.

You will probably feel much better with that arse out of your life.

This is not true- if the tenancy is in his name then op has no rights to remain there against his will.

AuntMarch · 07/07/2024 21:27

Either your neices share a room, or your brothers family move. You don't trap yourself in an abusive relationship to subsidise their existence.
You have the ability to make your life so much better. Do it.

OCaledonia · 07/07/2024 21:21

Unfortunately your brother might have to move if you do get divorced. Might your mortgaged house be considered a joint asset with your husband?
I'm not entirely sure so I'd seek legal advice.

Lighteningstrikes · 07/07/2024 21:20

Leave.

A weight will be lifted off your shoulders as soon as you cut this abusive waste of space loose.

Motnight · 07/07/2024 21:15

IamaRevenant · 07/07/2024 20:20

He pays me rent yes but I've never charged more than the mortgage. Market rates would be about double.

He has two kids (my nieces) and one is a daughter of his ex so I can't contemplate shoving her out of her (black painted, she's a goth 😅) room. Her feelings are my priority. Other is six and in the teeny box room. I can't take either bedroom from my nieces.

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If you don't prioritise your own wellbeing, noone else will, Op.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 07/07/2024 20:29

passthehobnobsplease · 07/07/2024 19:55

And throw the kids out on the street?!

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No, they find somewhere else as I said. It's OP's house and she needs it back, I'm sure they'd understand

LividLoved · 07/07/2024 20:27

You've been in a physically abusive relationship and your current one is at best emotionally abusive.

You need to escape, and you own a home but are putting your brother's wants before your own needs.

You need to TELL your brother that you're moving back in for a while, and he can budge a room up for you or if he'd rather enjoy some space he's welcome to move out and pay his way.

You're a grown woman who is so used to being trampled on that you can't see the wood for the trees. You need to put yourself first, for the first time.

tinytemper66 · 07/07/2024 20:24

Tell him to crack on. You will be far better off than a leech living off you and then complaining about you being ill.

Original poster
IamaRevenant · 07/07/2024 20:20

BubziOwl · 07/07/2024 19:32

Actually no sod that

How many children does your brother have? Why can't they share a room so you can have a room in YOUR house? Do they pay you rent?

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He pays me rent yes but I've never charged more than the mortgage. Market rates would be about double.

He has two kids (my nieces) and one is a daughter of his ex so I can't contemplate shoving her out of her (black painted, she's a goth 😅) room. Her feelings are my priority. Other is six and in the teeny box room. I can't take either bedroom from my nieces.

OP posts:
andHelenknowsimmiserablenow · 07/07/2024 20:17

Are your parents still around? Could they put your brother up while you go back to your house?
I know it will be difficult for him and his family to move out, but the alternative is you bieng homeless and I am not sure if you could claim housing benefit if you already own a house.
Don't blame yourself anymore, just look forward to a life without an abuser.

JennyWI · 07/07/2024 20:14

Your cutting him a deal he can help you out

SantaBarbaraMonica · 07/07/2024 20:14

Oh great. So your brother is using you too.

OP, give him notice. You need your home back.

Original poster
IamaRevenant · 07/07/2024 20:10

I'm renting to my brother at less than half market rate. He couldn't afford to stay in the area otherwise, and his daughters are both going to local schools.

I know I've caused this situation but I never expected it to turn out like this 😔

OP posts:
iamtheblcksheep · 07/07/2024 20:02

I don’t know where to begin but lists always help me so

  1. Tell your brother what’s going on. They either need to make room for you or they’ll need to find somewhere else to live
  2. Wait for the prick to go to work and leave.
  3. Phone shelter
  4. Speak to the dr and get yourself sorted
  5. Find a job
passthehobnobsplease · 07/07/2024 19:55

Idontjetwashthefucker · 07/07/2024 19:13

You need your house back OP, tell your brother that they need to find somewhere else but you'll be moving in in the meantime.

You can't stay any longer in that house with that man

And throw the kids out on the street?!

RisingSunn · 07/07/2024 19:48

Stop pleasing everyone else and think of what you need for yourself!! It’s YOUR house for goodness sake. The kids can share till you are back on your feet! At worst they have to look elsewhere.

You need to take drastic action before his verbal abuse takes a turn for the worst.

GingerPirate · 07/07/2024 19:42

Leave.
Prepare yourself slowly and quietly and when ready, LEAVE, FFS, woman.
Think about the life you would have for yourself and yourself only (I presume there are no dependant kids).

BubziOwl · 07/07/2024 19:32

BubziOwl · 07/07/2024 19:29

No children?! It's so easy then - get out asap. You deserve a better life than this. You deserve kindness and happiness.

Can you not stay on your brother's sofa for now until you work something else out going forward? It is your house after all!!

Actually no sod that

How many children does your brother have? Why can't they share a room so you can have a room in YOUR house? Do they pay you rent?

BubziOwl · 07/07/2024 19:29

No children?! It's so easy then - get out asap. You deserve a better life than this. You deserve kindness and happiness.

Can you not stay on your brother's sofa for now until you work something else out going forward? It is your house after all!!

Cornflakelover · 07/07/2024 19:29

is your husband claiming any benefits via universal credit

if he isn’t then I would point out that sure you will be happy to leave his house
he will have to up his 16 hours to probably double that to pay his rent / bills and be able to live

JennyWI · 07/07/2024 19:29

No room? Nope. Your house! Do you have a cellar? Fix it up. Large living room? Partitions! A dinning room? Your new bedroom. More than on kid? Gues they share. Family first!

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