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Rich ‘friend’ harassing me

238 replies

Brunchclub · 07/07/2024 15:24

A few weeks ago a ‘friend’ asked me to go for some drinks and I told him I didn’t have the money to do so. He offered to lend me some money as he really wanted to get out and enjoy the weather. I told him if I did then I couldn’t pay the money back until around the second week in July. He said this was absolutely fine.

Fast forward to last night, he asked for the money. I said I didn’t have it until when I had stated, he had 2 more of his friends (also male btw) message me throughout the evening claiming he needed the money to be able to eat and I was being unfair.

This morning somebody I know told me they saw him out watching the England game and was out until 4am. He owns his house, paid for by his parents, his car Is paid for by parents and he doesn’t actually do anything except basic admin tasks for a few hours a day as his parents own the company. He is very very comfortable.

AIBU to be upset he had several friends message me late at night claiming he was going hungry when In fact im say with rolled up toilet paper in my underwear as I can’t afford sanitary towels and I’m on my period, I have 2 meals in my freezer but nothing for the rest of the week until I get paid on Friday and my bank is wiped out from vet bills just so he can ask for money that wasn’t due to be paid back yet because he wanted more for buying drugs and drinks?

OP posts:
Myblindsaredown · 07/07/2024 16:14

How much did you borrow off of him please?

Blackbags · 07/07/2024 16:13

He sounds dodgy af and a dishonest, manipulative bully.

It sounds like he's trying to engineer a dynamic where he and his creepy mates have power over you, or can blackmail you.

Agree to pay money back and block and never speak to him again.

If you keep getting unwanted contact, treat it as harassment and get the police involved and tell him that you've spoken to them,

Tell them the circumstances, and that you are planning to pay the money back.

They really don't care about the finances, but logging this and letting him know he's being monitored will hopefully stop any weird behaviour in the future.

Brunchclub · 07/07/2024 16:12

youre all right in the fact that this person is not a friend. I certainly won’t be maintaining a friendship in the future.

OP posts:
Despair1 · 07/07/2024 16:10

Greydogs123 · 07/07/2024 15:25

No, you’re not unreasonable. I would re evaluate that friendship, though. Just pay it back the minute you can and then block them.

Perfect answer

Summerinspringtime · 07/07/2024 16:07

Cross posts with Gonefishing

Champagnesocialismo · 07/07/2024 16:07

Brunchclub · 07/07/2024 16:03

I’ve never thought of it this way and it’s given me something to think about

Yes this was calculated to upset you. It was also done to amuse his friends. Don’t ever contact this “person”. He holds you in contempt

Summerhillsquare · 07/07/2024 16:06

He's no friend. He likes having power over you though.

FuckMeUpFlorida · 07/07/2024 16:06

I don't think I'd call this person a friend.

Summerinspringtime · 07/07/2024 16:05

Without wishing to bash you op, I would think very carefully about maintains this friendship.
He knew you had no money so a true friend would have suggested bringing a bottle of wine to yours with snacks. Oh and not asking for you to pay for it!
Unless he is your only friend I the entire world, I would cut him off completely.
If he puts you in this position again reply ‘no.’
Again, a real friend would have bought the drinks, it was for his benefit after all.
Put this down to experience op.

Brunchclub · 07/07/2024 16:05

BlackBean2023 · 07/07/2024 15:54

"Never a borrower or lender be" - advice from my Nan that I live by.

YANBU that he was not on to get other people to harass you however if you borrowed money (you don't say how much) he's not unreasonable to ask to be repaid - within the parameters you agreed. His financial circumstances make no difference to whether you should repay the money.

Agree with PP about popping down to the local food bank to collect sanitary products but also another PP that you need to prioritise your spending - 1 glass of wine = 2 packs of pads.

I understand what you’re saying but it wasn’t me choosing to spend money on that instead of sanitary products. That’s not the situation that happened.

OP posts:
Brunchclub · 07/07/2024 16:03

GoneFishingToday · 07/07/2024 16:02

OP you're perfectly entitled to go out for a drink, but I think in this particular instance you made a mistake by agreeing to borrow from him, just so that HE could have a drinking partner. If he wanted you to go that much, bearing in mind that you say that he's not short of money, then he should have offered to pay, and in your shoes, I would have said just that, ie, 'if you want me to go for a drink with you, you're going to have to pay for me, as I just don't have the money'. If he didn't want to do that, then fine, you'd have saved your money, and not wasted time on a wanker like this. I think you've now seen him for what he really is, and have made the right decision to block him and just pay what you owe, when you agreed you would pay him. He's clearly just an entitled arsehole, who get's kicks out of belittling people, and making them feel bad.

I’ve never thought of it this way and it’s given me something to think about

OP posts:
Brunchclub · 07/07/2024 16:02

cupcaske123 · 07/07/2024 15:52

I'm surprised at your priorities. You've got no money for food or sanitary towels. Please go to your local foodbank (you may need a referral, check online) or as others have suggested Morrisons.

PDSA offer free help for pets if you're on the breadline
https://www.pdsa.org.uk/

I hope you work something out.

Thanks! I actually do use the PSDA for my pets😊 they are fantastic. One of my cats required to be seen and the medication he needed had a cost this time. It was just The medication that needed to be paid for, the consultation was free. Recommend them completely!

OP posts:
GoneFishingToday · 07/07/2024 16:02

OP you're perfectly entitled to go out for a drink, but I think in this particular instance you made a mistake by agreeing to borrow from him, just so that HE could have a drinking partner. If he wanted you to go that much, bearing in mind that you say that he's not short of money, then he should have offered to pay, and in your shoes, I would have said just that, ie, 'if you want me to go for a drink with you, you're going to have to pay for me, as I just don't have the money'. If he didn't want to do that, then fine, you'd have saved your money, and not wasted time on a wanker like this. I think you've now seen him for what he really is, and have made the right decision to block him and just pay what you owe, when you agreed you would pay him. He's clearly just an entitled arsehole, who get's kicks out of belittling people, and making them feel bad.

LadyKenya · 07/07/2024 16:01

Unfortunately it does sound as if your pet/ pets are going to put a strain on your finances as well.

BlackBean2023 · 07/07/2024 15:54

"Never a borrower or lender be" - advice from my Nan that I live by.

YANBU that he was not on to get other people to harass you however if you borrowed money (you don't say how much) he's not unreasonable to ask to be repaid - within the parameters you agreed. His financial circumstances make no difference to whether you should repay the money.

Agree with PP about popping down to the local food bank to collect sanitary products but also another PP that you need to prioritise your spending - 1 glass of wine = 2 packs of pads.

cupcaske123 · 07/07/2024 15:52

Brunchclub · 07/07/2024 15:48

I have been in this financial position before, I grew up very poor.

im more upset about how my supposed friend even had the idea to get his male friends to harass me. Who does that?

I'm surprised at your priorities. You've got no money for food or sanitary towels. Please go to your local foodbank (you may need a referral, check online) or as others have suggested Morrisons.

PDSA offer free help for pets if you're on the breadline
https://www.pdsa.org.uk/

I hope you work something out.

PDSA - The vet charity for pets in need

PDSA is the vet charity for pets in need, working to keep people and pets together. Find out more about us and how you can support our work

https://www.pdsa.org.uk

KeirSpoutsTwaddle · 07/07/2024 15:51

@Brunchclub the PP wasn't suggesting you aren't allowed and shouldn't have- she's checking that you weren't coerced out to socialise with someone when you couldn't really afford to and may have preferred not to.

At least that's how I read it.

Don't feel obliged to keep up with people and invitations- spend your money in the way that makes sense to you, because let's face it it's too valuable not to!

ArseholeCatIsABlackAndWhiteCat · 07/07/2024 15:50

Block them all, no more interaction. Send the money on the day you said. Tbh, it's irrelevant if he's rich or poor, you were clear about when you would be able to pay him back.

The cynic in me has to ask.. did he try it on that night and you rejected him?

Brunchclub · 07/07/2024 15:48

I have been in this financial position before, I grew up very poor.

im more upset about how my supposed friend even had the idea to get his male friends to harass me. Who does that?

OP posts:
cupcaske123 · 07/07/2024 15:43

Do you have a foodbank near you OP? They sometimes include sanitary towels, I'm sure you could ask.

Tlittle · 07/07/2024 15:41

Libraries often stock free sanitary Pro x

TeaAndTattoos · 07/07/2024 15:40

@Brunchclub if you have a Morrisons near you go in there and use their package for sandy service and you will get some free sanitary towels.

LakeTiticaca · 07/07/2024 15:39

He's a nasty fucker, not a friend. Pay back as soon as you get the money then block him and his bullly mates permanently. Any further harassment get the police involved

willWillSmithsmith · 07/07/2024 15:39

What a horrible ‘friend’ (you were right to put that in quotation marks!).

I can only reiterate what others have said. Pay when first agreed then dump the friendship.

Poolstream · 07/07/2024 15:38

He's a nasty, tight arsed git op.