Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Rich ‘friend’ harassing me

238 replies

Brunchclub · 07/07/2024 15:24

A few weeks ago a ‘friend’ asked me to go for some drinks and I told him I didn’t have the money to do so. He offered to lend me some money as he really wanted to get out and enjoy the weather. I told him if I did then I couldn’t pay the money back until around the second week in July. He said this was absolutely fine.

Fast forward to last night, he asked for the money. I said I didn’t have it until when I had stated, he had 2 more of his friends (also male btw) message me throughout the evening claiming he needed the money to be able to eat and I was being unfair.

This morning somebody I know told me they saw him out watching the England game and was out until 4am. He owns his house, paid for by his parents, his car Is paid for by parents and he doesn’t actually do anything except basic admin tasks for a few hours a day as his parents own the company. He is very very comfortable.

AIBU to be upset he had several friends message me late at night claiming he was going hungry when In fact im say with rolled up toilet paper in my underwear as I can’t afford sanitary towels and I’m on my period, I have 2 meals in my freezer but nothing for the rest of the week until I get paid on Friday and my bank is wiped out from vet bills just so he can ask for money that wasn’t due to be paid back yet because he wanted more for buying drugs and drinks?

OP posts:
Allie47 · 07/07/2024 19:23

Oap you did nothing wrong treating yourself to an after out. Your posts have broken my heart a bit. I know it's tough but you never do know what's around the corner, life is full of surprises so don't be too sure you won't get to do some of the things you'd like to. This man is not a friend as you've realised, you know what to do 💐 xx

Choochoo21 · 07/07/2024 19:20

liverpoolgal82 · 07/07/2024 18:35

As others said go get free pads from Morrisons, but if you can’t get out for some reason and need something quick then use a face cloth that you can wash instead of using up toilet roll, you can keep a few aside and wash them.

Great idea! I’ve never thought of this before xx

Combattingthemoaners · 07/07/2024 19:18

Brunchclub · 07/07/2024 15:36

Because I had money to live on at the time but not spare for some drinks. Then unexpected vet bills wiped me out on food and toiletries money. I can pay him back on pay day. The vet bills were unforeseen. And no, I don’t have savings as I don’t earn enough to save. This is the realities of being working class. But go ahead and tell poor people how they can’t enjoy a few drinks in the sun as an escape of our miserable lives every other day. We deserve to have some fun too.

Well said 👏. I am sorry to hear you are struggling. The fact he told other people you owe him money tells you everything you need to know about him. A true friend wouldn’t have done that. I hope you find yourself on the up soon xx

Spacecowboys · 07/07/2024 19:11

IDontHateRainbows · 07/07/2024 19:08

I'd be tempted to write him a cheque, send him a picture of it and say its in the post, then post it to him timed to arrive by Friday.

Then you have repaid him, on your terms, and he has the hassle of having to bank it.

Then never speak to him again.

I like this idea 😂. But will op have a cheque book, I haven’t had one for years .

Twilight7777 · 07/07/2024 19:08

The ‘perfect’ people on this thread that ‘wouldn’t spend it on drinking’ it’s not about the drink, it’s about spending time with someone, being poor is incredibly lonely and isolating as people get fed up of you having no money to do things, in the same way that people get fed up of people with chronic illnesses that have to decline invitations. It’s very similar, as someone with multiple chronic illnesses and having been poor in the past.

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 07/07/2024 19:08

Summerinspringtime · 07/07/2024 16:07

Cross posts with Gonefishing

And you both are quite right in your analysis. This person is no friend to the OP.

IDontHateRainbows · 07/07/2024 19:08

I'd be tempted to write him a cheque, send him a picture of it and say its in the post, then post it to him timed to arrive by Friday.

Then you have repaid him, on your terms, and he has the hassle of having to bank it.

Then never speak to him again.

user1473878824 · 07/07/2024 19:05

Brunchclub · 07/07/2024 15:36

Because I had money to live on at the time but not spare for some drinks. Then unexpected vet bills wiped me out on food and toiletries money. I can pay him back on pay day. The vet bills were unforeseen. And no, I don’t have savings as I don’t earn enough to save. This is the realities of being working class. But go ahead and tell poor people how they can’t enjoy a few drinks in the sun as an escape of our miserable lives every other day. We deserve to have some fun too.

Sure but it’s a bit different when you’re borrowing money to do so.

pay him back when you said you would and don’t speak to him again. He’s being an arsehole but a lesson in not borrowing cash unless it’s desperate.

eightweeksuntilseptember · 07/07/2024 19:04

And also, you must be a good person because even though short of money you did the right thing and paid for antibiotics for your cat. So many people wouldn’t have done that.

SuffolkUnicorn · 07/07/2024 19:04

Pay him and tell him to fuck off

eightweeksuntilseptember · 07/07/2024 19:02

Brunchclub · 07/07/2024 18:59

I work with children. As it’s summer holidays starting this month, it’s £40 I could spare to pay back as I won’t have travel costs to work once holidays start.

Ok op. Fair enough. We’ve all been there, but don’t let this friend do this to you again. It’s not a situation you want to be in when you don’t have to.

Brunchclub · 07/07/2024 18:59

eightweeksuntilseptember · 07/07/2024 18:56

poor people who can’t afford basics shouldn’t ever enjoy themselves

But it’s not a question about that. Most of us have been there. It’s a choice to borrow £40 to go out drinking. You could drink at home with friends if that is what you want to do.
£40 is a lot of money, if you don’t have much. If you can’t afford to buy sanitary towels.
If you borrow £40 it’s £40 less next month. It’s just reality.

I work with children. As it’s summer holidays starting this month, it’s £40 I could spare to pay back as I won’t have travel costs to work once holidays start.

OP posts:
Iloveyoubut · 07/07/2024 18:58

m00rfarm · 07/07/2024 18:57

I don’t think I’m alone here.

neither Is OP though. It doesn’t make you ‘better’.

thankyoujeremy · 07/07/2024 18:58

My dad always told me "never a borrower or a lender be" and whilst he was wrong about many things i agree with him on this sentiment. Money is an area that I find causes issues between people so try to avoid it if I can.

That being said, this 'friend' convinced you to go out and being as hard up as you sound it probably seemed like a nice gesture and something that would have been enjoyable.

Unfortunately a lesson learned...

Brunchclub · 07/07/2024 18:57

m00rfarm · 07/07/2024 18:51

Have you really never had enough money for sanitary protection but gone out with a so called friend for drinks? I couldn’t allow that to happen to me.

Clearly you have not comprehended my thread.

I wasn’t without money for sanitary products because I had a few drinks. I didn’t have money for sanitary products because of unforeseen cat antibiotics.

The only reason I referenced my financial situation was because I was upset that somebody who is well off lied about not affording food as a manipulation to attempt to get me to pay him back earlier than agreed was upsetting as he actually wasn’t in that position at all and as somebody who is I couldn’t imagine lying to manipulate a situation like that.

OP posts:
eightweeksuntilseptember · 07/07/2024 18:57

Idontjetwashthefucker · 07/07/2024 18:53

Oh shut up you smug arse. Hopefully you never find yourself in OP's position. Until you have, get lost

I have been. Like most of us. Get lost yourself.

Edit; that is when I learnt how to cook something out of nearly nothing. A good skill to have, money or not.

m00rfarm · 07/07/2024 18:57

Iloveyoubut · 07/07/2024 18:55

Good for you!

I don’t think I’m alone here.

eightweeksuntilseptember · 07/07/2024 18:56

poor people who can’t afford basics shouldn’t ever enjoy themselves

But it’s not a question about that. Most of us have been there. It’s a choice to borrow £40 to go out drinking. You could drink at home with friends if that is what you want to do.
£40 is a lot of money, if you don’t have much. If you can’t afford to buy sanitary towels.
If you borrow £40 it’s £40 less next month. It’s just reality.

Iloveyoubut · 07/07/2024 18:55

m00rfarm · 07/07/2024 18:51

Have you really never had enough money for sanitary protection but gone out with a so called friend for drinks? I couldn’t allow that to happen to me.

Good for you!

Idontjetwashthefucker · 07/07/2024 18:53

eightweeksuntilseptember · 07/07/2024 18:41

Did you also borrow lots of money for drinking when you were very poor?

Oh shut up you smug arse. Hopefully you never find yourself in OP's position. Until you have, get lost

Spacecowboys · 07/07/2024 18:52

I agree with other posters. He is not your friend. You made it clear before you borrowed the money that you wouldn’t be able to pay it back until a certain time. He said that was fine, so it is not okay for him to ask for it back early. Why do his other ‘friends’ even know that he loaned you this money? It didn’t need discussed with anyone else in the first place. It isn’t due to be paid back yet! I’d do as others have said. Pay him back as soon as you are able too and have nothing more to do with him.

Blackbags · 07/07/2024 18:51

Brunchclub · 07/07/2024 18:05

there are many kind responses on this thread but also, not surprising, so many people who still have the mentality that poor people who can’t afford basics shouldn’t ever enjoy themselves. This is Tory narrative that I really hope the new government will help shift people from and highlights how big an issue this mentality is.

Poor peoples financial status doesn’t change from having the odd day out or treat. I understand that people will find it hard to comprehend why people with little money would put themselves in certain positions, but when money is soemthing you never have and it’s always a worry and you don’t get holidays or the mince you buy is always the small pack of 20% fat and fresh fruit isn’t even a question unless it’s the £1 pack of children’s sizes apples or oranges, you have to find some distraction from how miserable life is sometimes.

It does not change your long term finances. I’ll be poor this month as I will next month and the months and years after that. I will never own my home, or go on foreign holidays. And lending £40 for an afternoon in the sun after working all week is a small price to pay to forget all that for a few hours.

Also my pets are worked into my monthly budget to be fed, flead and wormed. In the past I’ve worked over time for them to be neutered and chipped. They’ll always eat before I do. They are the only source of constant happiness I have. They keep me warm in winter when I can’t afford to keep the heating on long, they stop me from crying in what would be an otherwise empty house at the end of a hard day. They are loved and looked after beyond imagination and they are absolutely a priority.

👏

m00rfarm · 07/07/2024 18:51

Iloveyoubut · 07/07/2024 18:32

Oh give it a rest Hermione. People do daft things. We’re not all bloody perfect.

Have you really never had enough money for sanitary protection but gone out with a so called friend for drinks? I couldn’t allow that to happen to me.

Brunchclub · 07/07/2024 18:49

Isn’t the second week of July tomorrow though? So you can’t pay today but you can tomorrow?

my pay days are Fridays. We’ve been friends many years so he knows this. So he understands when I said which week that it’d be the Friday of said week

OP posts:
Coffeerum · 07/07/2024 18:45

Brunchclub · 07/07/2024 15:29

They are all currently blocked anyway. I told him I’d pay him when I said but I have blocked now as it won’t make a difference having him harass me or not as I won’t have the money until I said.

Isn’t the second week of July tomorrow though? So you can’t pay today but you can tomorrow?
The friends messaging you is weird but his house and who paid for what is none of your business.
In future maybe don’t borrow money to go out drinking if you can’t afford food or sanitary products.