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AIBU?

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Original poster

Rich ‘friend’ harassing me

238 replies

Brunchclub · 07/07/2024 15:24

A few weeks ago a ‘friend’ asked me to go for some drinks and I told him I didn’t have the money to do so. He offered to lend me some money as he really wanted to get out and enjoy the weather. I told him if I did then I couldn’t pay the money back until around the second week in July. He said this was absolutely fine.

Fast forward to last night, he asked for the money. I said I didn’t have it until when I had stated, he had 2 more of his friends (also male btw) message me throughout the evening claiming he needed the money to be able to eat and I was being unfair.

This morning somebody I know told me they saw him out watching the England game and was out until 4am. He owns his house, paid for by his parents, his car Is paid for by parents and he doesn’t actually do anything except basic admin tasks for a few hours a day as his parents own the company. He is very very comfortable.

AIBU to be upset he had several friends message me late at night claiming he was going hungry when In fact im say with rolled up toilet paper in my underwear as I can’t afford sanitary towels and I’m on my period, I have 2 meals in my freezer but nothing for the rest of the week until I get paid on Friday and my bank is wiped out from vet bills just so he can ask for money that wasn’t due to be paid back yet because he wanted more for buying drugs and drinks?

OP posts:
Greenlittecat · 08/07/2024 10:46

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at OP's request.

Yup. Read the OPs entitled responses.

At the end of the day, if you own cats you know that things like bills will crop up. £40 is a huge amount of money to spend on drinks when you live hand-to-mouth every month.

MoonWoman69 · 08/07/2024 10:34

I suggest you read the thread @Greenlittecat or, you know, don't bother commenting at all?! 🤷🏼‍♀️

HeapsOfStuff · 08/07/2024 09:49

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at OP's request.

mondaytosunday · 08/07/2024 08:40

Jeez how much were those drinks?
I don't understand how a 'friend' couldn't just take you out for the night if they wanted to go so badly, without any expectation of being paid back. And totally out of order getting friends to harass you for it.
He should be ashamed. When you pay him, tell him that you are disappointed that your friendship was only worth £40.

Greenlittecat · 08/07/2024 08:18

Sorry, but if you can't afford sanitary towels you can't afford cats or going out.

Get your finances sorted and then have fun.

HeapsOfStuff · 08/07/2024 08:15

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at OP's request.

paywalled · 08/07/2024 07:51

Brunchclub · 08/07/2024 00:00

reusable pads will be a great way going forward.

if anyone has tips on washing them by hand wash please share! I tend to only do one wash a week and put everything in then.

Show quote history

What do you mean tips? You just wash them with water in the sink.

TheCatterall · 08/07/2024 01:53

Brunchclub · 08/07/2024 00:00

reusable pads will be a great way going forward.

if anyone has tips on washing them by hand wash please share! I tend to only do one wash a week and put everything in then.

Show quote history

@Brunchclub I work in a charity shop that sells some eco ranges and reusable pads. Happy to buy and send you a pack if you dm me.

Over40Overdating · 08/07/2024 00:15

@Brunchclub rinse under cold water and soak in cold salt water til wash day.
You might need a bucket with a lid to keep them out of sight. If you can get everything out in the rinsing, storing them in a wet bag til wash day might work too - primark have some cheap ones.

Period underwear is also sometimes in the reduced section at primark and worth stocking up on if you get a bargain.

I would leave cups alone - there’s no guarantee you’ll get on with them and it’s an expensive experiment.

Original poster
Brunchclub · 08/07/2024 00:00

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at OP's request.

reusable pads will be a great way going forward.

if anyone has tips on washing them by hand wash please share! I tend to only do one wash a week and put everything in then.

OP posts:
HeapsOfStuff · 07/07/2024 23:03

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at OP's request.

Pussycat22 · 07/07/2024 23:02

Greydogs123 if she's doing a cash payment she ought to have a witness.

Cherrysoup · 07/07/2024 23:00

Brunchclub · 07/07/2024 22:41

I’ve kept him blocked along with everyone mutual we know (as in friends of his). There’s no point in him messaging, I won’t have the money until I said I will.

It’s a friend gone, but very clearly not to be counted as a loss. He has form for things like this so I’m just done with it.

He sure is no friend.

Cherrysoup · 07/07/2024 22:59

Food banks are all very well, Asda does sanitary/cosmetic products bank, no idea if you can ask and get some, but don’t you need a referral from your GP or something to use the food bank? Yeah, I know nothing about this, I just chuck stuff in the trolleys at the exit.

Deebee90 · 07/07/2024 22:45

Op I grew up very poor so I know how you feel. I don’t treat myself even now when I have extra money. Places like aldi and Lidl have a pack of pads for like £50p each please stock up on them for times like this.

Original poster
Brunchclub · 07/07/2024 22:41

I’ve kept him blocked along with everyone mutual we know (as in friends of his). There’s no point in him messaging, I won’t have the money until I said I will.

It’s a friend gone, but very clearly not to be counted as a loss. He has form for things like this so I’m just done with it.

OP posts:
excelledyourself · 07/07/2024 22:36

PerfectTravelTote · 07/07/2024 21:37

He's no friend. A friend would have bought you a drink rather than lent you the money to buy your own.

Exactly.

He's used you for company, instead of genuinely wanting to spend time with you.

Now he's went back on the shit deal, lied about you to his friends, and let them harass you.

Pay the £40 when you get paid and be rid of him.

Screwballs · 07/07/2024 22:06

Brunchclub · 07/07/2024 18:05

there are many kind responses on this thread but also, not surprising, so many people who still have the mentality that poor people who can’t afford basics shouldn’t ever enjoy themselves. This is Tory narrative that I really hope the new government will help shift people from and highlights how big an issue this mentality is.

Poor peoples financial status doesn’t change from having the odd day out or treat. I understand that people will find it hard to comprehend why people with little money would put themselves in certain positions, but when money is soemthing you never have and it’s always a worry and you don’t get holidays or the mince you buy is always the small pack of 20% fat and fresh fruit isn’t even a question unless it’s the £1 pack of children’s sizes apples or oranges, you have to find some distraction from how miserable life is sometimes.

It does not change your long term finances. I’ll be poor this month as I will next month and the months and years after that. I will never own my home, or go on foreign holidays. And lending £40 for an afternoon in the sun after working all week is a small price to pay to forget all that for a few hours.

Also my pets are worked into my monthly budget to be fed, flead and wormed. In the past I’ve worked over time for them to be neutered and chipped. They’ll always eat before I do. They are the only source of constant happiness I have. They keep me warm in winter when I can’t afford to keep the heating on long, they stop me from crying in what would be an otherwise empty house at the end of a hard day. They are loved and looked after beyond imagination and they are absolutely a priority.

Very moving x

WigglyVonWaggly · 07/07/2024 21:54

He’s a dick. Message him and say: “When you insisted that I came out drinking, I very clearly told you that if you lent me money to accompany you I would not be able to pay it before x date. To then receive multiple messages from your acquaintances demanding earlier repayment made it clear that you had been talking about me behind my back, as well as not being truthful about what we had actually agreed. I will repay the money on x date but our friendship has run its course.” Then block the drug-using, lying manipulative waste of time.

Freyaaaa · 07/07/2024 21:50

Brunchclub · 07/07/2024 15:24

A few weeks ago a ‘friend’ asked me to go for some drinks and I told him I didn’t have the money to do so. He offered to lend me some money as he really wanted to get out and enjoy the weather. I told him if I did then I couldn’t pay the money back until around the second week in July. He said this was absolutely fine.

Fast forward to last night, he asked for the money. I said I didn’t have it until when I had stated, he had 2 more of his friends (also male btw) message me throughout the evening claiming he needed the money to be able to eat and I was being unfair.

This morning somebody I know told me they saw him out watching the England game and was out until 4am. He owns his house, paid for by his parents, his car Is paid for by parents and he doesn’t actually do anything except basic admin tasks for a few hours a day as his parents own the company. He is very very comfortable.

AIBU to be upset he had several friends message me late at night claiming he was going hungry when In fact im say with rolled up toilet paper in my underwear as I can’t afford sanitary towels and I’m on my period, I have 2 meals in my freezer but nothing for the rest of the week until I get paid on Friday and my bank is wiped out from vet bills just so he can ask for money that wasn’t due to be paid back yet because he wanted more for buying drugs and drinks?

This is absolutely vile behaviour from him, it sounds like he wants control over you! I'd class that as harassment! To get 2 male friends to message you! It would be a strong worded message telling him to leave you alone and a block!

Disturbia81 · 07/07/2024 21:46

1983Louise · 07/07/2024 21:44

People have been very harsh with you, life sounds hard living hand to mouth, month after month. I'm glad you have your cats, what you need now are better friends.

She is getting a really hard time and I don't understand at all.
She's prioritised animal care over her own needs.
OP as lots have said, he is no friends. Keep the block on, pay back and head up high.

1983Louise · 07/07/2024 21:44

People have been very harsh with you, life sounds hard living hand to mouth, month after month. I'm glad you have your cats, what you need now are better friends.

Ginkypig · 07/07/2024 21:41

m00rfarm · 07/07/2024 21:27

Which bits were made up? To my mind, anyone who cannot afford 60p or so for sanitary protection should not be in charge of an animal. Maybe I prefer animals to people.

Edited
Show quote history

this is what you posted and what I replied.

m00rfarm · Today 18:51
Have you really never had enough money for sanitary protection but gone out with a so called friend for drinks? I couldn’t allow that to happen to me.
Show quote history
Again? Have you actually read what he’s been stated.

GINKYPIG
when she went out her sanitary protection was covered by the wages she told this person she can’t and wouldn’t use then completely separately an unforeseen event caused her to have to use said money on a vet bill.

so yet again SHE DID NOT GO OUT DRINKING LEAVING HER NO MONEY FOR SANITARY PROTECTION.

Then you posted this and I replied

m00rfarm · Today 20:29
So I should say nothing? I cannot see how ANYone would allow themselves insufficient funds to pay for sanitary protection to go out with a friend who is clearly not a friend. I have an opinion and it is as valid as yours. Why should people reading this post think that this is normal behaviour when it clearly is not. Subsequently, it was stated that the vet bills were unknown at the time, but (to be fair) anyone with a pet needs a contingency fund.

GINKYPIG
Show quote history
Yes you should say nothing if you can’t even be bothered to get the facts correct before commenting and passing judgement.

you are making facts up.

so stop acting like this was about the animals because it wasn’t.

You are bringing animals up now because you know you can’t justify your previous comments without looking judgemental and unable to actually read the content that had been posted. Now you are acting as if you were talking about them the whole time when again simply reading back shows they were nothing to with the previous posts you made.

so like I said making up facts that are not actually true to justify your judgemental posts.
then when you can’t justify it you bring up the animals as if that was what you were saying in the first place.

so like I said shows what kind of person you are.

PerfectTravelTote · 07/07/2024 21:37

He's no friend. A friend would have bought you a drink rather than lent you the money to buy your own.

MNHQ
KimMumsnet · 07/07/2024 21:34

Hello everyone.

As we usually do in these circs, we're putting our heads round the door with some important reminders.

Right now we can't see any evidence to indicate that the OP isn't above board – if we did, we'd remove the thread straight away. But the truth is that, sadly, we at MNHQ can't know with 100% certainty that any poster is genuine, no matter who they are or how long they have been here. As frustrating as it is, we're not able to vouch for anyone here.

So we always ask users to remember that not everyone on the internet is who they say they are – and remind folk not to give more to another poster, either financially (in cash or gifts) or emotionally (in time or care and support) than they'd be prepared to lose if things went wrong. We strongly advise against parting with any cash or giving away your personal details, and if you receive a PM which makes you uneasy - report it to us and we’ll take a look.

Sorry to hijack your thread briefly there, OP – we really hope you get it all sorted soon.