If your kids use screens in a restaurant

Became you can engage quietly with a child or a colouring book, they don't need to be "engrossed" to the point they can't engage. It's a more creative activity that encourages chat and it will also be put away when the meal comes. Children on screens glazed over staring at them are usually left with the tablet during the meal.

Ok, so let’s have the parents doing colouring in or playing with a toy instead of on their phones ignoring their children if it’s really the same thing?

This is an extremely good point. Something I’ve never actually considered before

THIS!!!!

If a child isn’t fully participating in the social experience with an iPad, how are they fully participating in the social experience with a book or if they are engrossed with colouring?

I don’t see the difference between using the iPad as a distraction tool the same as colouring or a toy. No matter what they aren’t going to fully participate socially because they are children, especially if we are talking about very young children who typically need to be distracted more.

My 2 year old regulates by jumping up and down whilst flapping his hands as well as spinning around and around and around. It’s constant and because he has other difficulties, his need to regulate is much higher than others.

My 3 year old usually has to go on her trampoline to regulate. Without that, she’ll need to walk around on her tip toes for a good 10 or so minutes. She will also spin but it depends on how much regulation she needs. Most of the time, that won’t be suitable in an enclosed space like a restaurant where waitresses and waitors are walking around with plates of hot food.

My children don’t have tablets but my daughter will use my phone and that gives her the time she needs to zone out and focus on a show. She rarely watches a show properly but will keep on rewinding it to hear a specific part. The sensory feedback of the particular sounds is what helps calm her down. Watch this video below which illustrates how difficult it is for many children when in a busy environment. Just to add, my cousin is 22 and is Autistic. When we were younger, he and my auntie never went to restaurants/cinemas or anything like that because he just couldn’t cope. We always had family gatherings inside so he could always be included

Yes, honestly a tablet and headphones is a godsend for a lot of families with autistic kids. It often really is way more effective than anything else. Without it, yes we probably wouldn’t be able to go out for a meal etc.

As I said on PP I know a lot of families with both NT and ND kids and it’s overwhelmingly the parents of autistic children who will use a tablet out and about. (And you couldn’t necessarily tell their child is autistic on sight) Most of my friends with NT kids don’t allow screens at the table or may do very occasionally when they’ve exhausted all the colouring/books/toys.

Interestingly I remember going to Paris and noticed the French families with young children never seemed to have any trace of a colouring book or toys etc. The kids would just sit there obediently and quietly. I wonder whether in other cultures bringing out a load of toys/colouring/stickers is seen as lazy parenting.

Not that long ago my child wouldn't still be alive so I wouldn't have the dilemma of how to soothe him. He's 4, he has a gene deletion. He's blind, he has no trunk or head control and music is his comfort in new/busy/unfamiliar environments so I put his beloved nursery rhymes on my phone for him and tuck it in close so he can feel the vibrations and hear the music, he can't use headphones because his head support in his chair doesn't leave any space for them. I use this method to keep him calm in stressful places like the doctor's surgery or the clinic waiting room. I also use it if I am eating/drinking a coffee while we're out. The music isn't loud (I often can't really hear it sat next to him) as his hearing is acute. We get stared at frequently, people comment on him behind their hands or they do the sad eyes look, what he loves best is when someone talks to him like he's a real person rather than an object of pity. If people think the use of a device makes me a bad parent they are more than welcome to come and show me where I am going wrong.

Playing stuff on screens out loud without headphones in public is inexcusable. Use headphones or have it on mute.

Personally, on trains and planes, I prefer a child with a screen (and headphones of course!).

I would never dream of saying anything because of course it would be very intolerant, but my heart secretly sinks whenever parents get on with a huge bag of tricks for the journey and it becomes apparent that they intend to entertain their offspring with numerous excited games of "I spy", reading stories and colouring (the crayons are inevitably dropped/roll under seats).

I realise that the issue is with me though, so I always smile benignly. It must work because more than once I've been handed a baby or put on toddler guard-dog watch so the mum can go to the loo without taking the whole crew.

It is precious parenting and very entitled to be annoyed with other parents when your kids ask you why they can't do things that other children are doing.

The answer is always, "Alfie's mum/dad makes the rules for Alfie and I make the rules for this family and that's just how it is". Not secretly to be annoyed that Alfie's mum sends chocolate to school as a snack and so your DS is moaning about their carrot sticks and houmous.

You can't control how other people parent their children (and nor should you feel entitled to). All you can do is set rules for your own. Have the courage in your convictions and ride out the whining, but don't project your convictions onto others.

I understand parents of autistic children say the tablet regulates their children. A genuine question is: How have tablets etc become the only thing ro regulate children when out? Is there nothing else? Before tablets, did parents have no way of regulating children so were unable to eat out?
I actually completely support parents of ND children using tablets when out but it's the NT ones that should be participating fully in the social experience that shouldn't be. Why not a book, colouring in or a little toy until the meal comes?

Oh and everybody saying colouring books, stickers, toys ,games etc. ...

Does no one remember the thread where OP was pissed off with small kids playing with their sticker books on the train?

• I've seen plenty of adults do this. Even if they're in company. Sitting there like automatons, madly scrolling, not looking at anything but their phones. Sad but true.

As long as their phones are quiet, I don't care.*

Exactly and plenty of threads on here of posters complaining their friend/partner/family member was on their phone during a meal/activity.

I've seen plenty of adults do this. Even if they're in company. Sitting there like automatons, madly scrolling, not looking at anything but their phones. Sad but true.

As long as their phones are quiet, I don't care.

No adult is seen eating in a restaurant scrolling their phone with one hand , completely ignoring their partner throughout the entire metal whilst using the free hand to get the food to their mouth.

I wasn't allowed to read at the table at home which I found really annoying

Same for me, I loved reading at mealtimes but it wasn't allowed.

I really don't know if we would have been allowed screens or not because they weren't around. It would have been colouring books or one small (quiet!) toy. Annoying other people was a no-no and if you were out you were to behave and be quiet. Not silent, but not loud enough to disturb others.

Did we? I don't think it was particularly normal for people with young children to go out to eat when I was small, so I was older by the time I did go to restaurants, and so was of an age where I would behave and not scream and run around because I was bored and wouldn't have needed a distraction while waiting for the food to come. I was about 9 when I first went on a foreign holiday (years, not months!).

Edited: I wasn't allowed to read at the table at home which I found really annoying. I often read the weekend paper when eating my lunch now!

As I said (twice now), I never use screens out of the house, in restaurants or otherwise.

I have only ever used them on airplanes. I think it’s a very good use of screens.

but this thread is everything wrong with mn. It’s just a bunch of bitter sounding crones who are extremely entitled and dislike children in the main. You’d never ever have the balls to tell an adult off for listening to screens but you have no qualms complaining about children. Or parents, so you can feel superior.

I wouldn’t use screens in a restaurant but I think people have their reasons. You don’t sound like you give a shit about what those reasons might be, or that you can execute a modicum of logic or reason when considering why someone might not follow black and white “no earphones” rules you’ve made up.

im going to put my device down now because I think screens are pretty antisocial when sued by adults too - and I always know I’ve had enough screen time when I’ve been bored enough to engage with people like you on here 🤣🤣🤣 have a great evening behind a screen!

Downloaded programming before my regular hospital clinics are a godsend. Reduces anxiety, passes the time. I have one ear bud in so that I can hear my name being called for each procedure.

Friday at the clinic the TV was set to election results news channel 🙈

Curiouserandcuriouser, I expect you would. I find your entitlement unpleasant too and frankly nauseating. Thankfully, most parents aren't like you and have a care for people around them.

We didn't do screens but if we had, that is what would have been dinned into my children. "Yes you can have them but you either wear headphones or the sound goes off. You can choose".

You might, certainly. I wouldn’t

Now you can! You couldn’t then.