Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Binge drinking

34 replies

Magicunicornpower · 07/07/2024 12:29

Am I the only woman here that can't stand my husband getting late at home and wasted?
Together for a long time and I just can't get over it, and the careless shi** that happens when he gets to this point. I also think it's a terrible example for our kid. Proud binge drinker he says as he is still functional the next day. He says this is British culture and I have to be the only woman arguing about it. Am I?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
nootropics · 09/07/2024 07:22

Lilifer · 07/07/2024 20:50

you need to say this to your DH!

@tomketchup but you are the one who brought it up on this thread 😕

@Lilifer

The OP’s husband brought up the reference to British Culture

Thepeopleversuswork · 07/07/2024 21:21

Urgh he sounds stupid and selfish and I couldn’t deal with an aggro drunk. It’s impacting you kids as well. LTB. Life is too short for tiptoeing around someone else’s substance abuse problems.

tomketchup · 07/07/2024 21:16

Lilifer · 07/07/2024 20:50

you need to say this to your DH!

@tomketchup but you are the one who brought it up on this thread 😕

He says this is British culture and I have to be the only woman arguing about it

tomketchup · 07/07/2024 21:15

Lilifer · 07/07/2024 20:50

you need to say this to your DH!

@tomketchup but you are the one who brought it up on this thread 😕

huh? read the OP

5128gap · 07/07/2024 21:08

I wouldn't care if every other woman in the world was fine with something. If it wasn't acceptable to me in my marriage, it wouldn't be acceptable. But if it helps, most women are not OK with this at all. The ones who are either do it themselves, think that if you object to anything a man does you must be 'controlling', have a low bar, or have partners with qualities they value so highly they are prepared to overlook it. If you don't fall into one of those groups, then you shouldn't be persuaded to be ok with something you're not. Oh, and if he's abusive, that's never OK and no woman should think it is.

Lilifer · 07/07/2024 20:50

you need to say this to your DH!

@tomketchup but you are the one who brought it up on this thread 😕

tomketchup · 07/07/2024 20:13

Magicunicornpower · 07/07/2024 19:56

I can't understand how my nationality has anything to do with the real issue on this post.

you need to say this to your DH!

tomketchup · 07/07/2024 20:12

Magicunicornpower · 07/07/2024 19:56

I can't understand how my nationality has anything to do with the real issue on this post.

precisely!

So you know your DH’s justification is entirely daft and there he does have a problem and no it isn’t normal

Original poster
Magicunicornpower · 07/07/2024 19:56

I can't understand how my nationality has anything to do with the real issue on this post.

OP posts:
Original poster
Magicunicornpower · 07/07/2024 19:42

tomketchup · 07/07/2024 16:14

so you’re not British?
how long have you lived in GB for?

Lol gosh, does it matter?

OP posts:
tomketchup · 07/07/2024 17:05

Lilifer · 07/07/2024 17:03

I am British and if someone said to me that binge drinking is part of our culture I would take issue with that. Do some British people binge drink, yes absolutely, doesn't mean its part of our culture and in this instance it's more like the OP's dh is trying to normalise and justify what he knows is dysfunctional behaviour,

Show quote history

understatement
i would be quite furious, definitely offended and also wondering whether they were a bit thick

Lilifer · 07/07/2024 17:03

tomketchup · 07/07/2024 16:40

He says this is British culture and I have to be the only woman arguing about it. Am I?

because if she was british, then it’s pretty odd she’s asking!

I am British and if someone said to me that binge drinking is part of our culture I would take issue with that. Do some British people binge drink, yes absolutely, doesn't mean its part of our culture and in this instance it's more like the OP's dh is trying to normalise and justify what he knows is dysfunctional behaviour,

tomketchup · 07/07/2024 16:41

Magicunicornpower · 07/07/2024 13:32

We are late 30's

Show quote history

with children?

tomketchup · 07/07/2024 16:40

He says this is British culture and I have to be the only woman arguing about it. Am I?

because if she was british, then it’s pretty odd she’s asking!

tomketchup · 07/07/2024 16:39

the op certainly implied her husband doesn’t think she’s british

Lilifer · 07/07/2024 16:35

tomketchup · 07/07/2024 16:14

so you’re not British?
how long have you lived in GB for?

Where did OP say that she wasn't British?

tomketchup · 07/07/2024 16:14

so you’re not British?
how long have you lived in GB for?

Original poster
Magicunicornpower · 07/07/2024 13:32

kitsuneghost · 07/07/2024 13:29

I think there was an era of look how much I can drink, I'll drink you under the table, you are a lightweight, last man standing etc...
But it is very outdated and definitely not cool now.
Was you husband in his 20s in the 90s?

We are late 30's

OP posts:
kitsuneghost · 07/07/2024 13:29

I think there was an era of look how much I can drink, I'll drink you under the table, you are a lightweight, last man standing etc...
But it is very outdated and definitely not cool now.
Was you husband in his 20s in the 90s?

Aquamarine1029 · 07/07/2024 13:26

mitogoshi · 07/07/2024 13:21

How often? Over doing it a couple of times a year is ok, weekly not ok, in between well depends!

Maybe for you, getting this drunk a few times a year is acceptable, and that's your prerogative. It would never acceptable to me, and especially because, as in the op's case, her husband becomes abusive and horrible. That kind of behaviour should never be normalised or excused.

mitogoshi · 07/07/2024 13:21

How often? Over doing it a couple of times a year is ok, weekly not ok, in between well depends!

Gallowayan · 07/07/2024 13:10

Sorry things are so hard his behavior sounds awful. Does he ever have any remorse or doubts about his behaviour the morning after? If not, I regret that it becomes a question of you making a big decision about your future with him. I know its never easy to leave but you are in an invidious position here. I wish you and your kids all the best.

abracadabra1980 · 07/07/2024 13:08

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Perhaps you'd like to keep your unkind and unhelpful opinions to yourself until you can offer something more constructive to the OP.

abracadabra1980 · 07/07/2024 13:06

StarsBeneathMyFeet · 07/07/2024 12:56

Of course you’re not the only one! It was a contributing factor to my divorce. You don’t have to tolerate it but you can’t change his behaviour…so you have to decided what you do about your circumstances.

This. I have to say I've noticed a distinct shift in generational attitude towards drinking in my part of the UK-we used to go out every Friday night and the aim was to GET drunk. Myself and all of my friends were brought up by professional parents and had a good education but alcohol was everywhere - including in the offices, in drinks cabinets, of most senior management from all sectors. I was married to someone who kept up that attitude long after babies were born and he was an arrogant, violent aggressive person when drinking. He drank to get drunk. I've married again and my second DH has a very different attitude towards it. My kids prefer to go to the gym and stay healthy waaay more than we did, probably as a result of Instagram etc.. Life moves on, society changes but ultimately you can't change the mindset of a partner over alcohol unless he wants to address it. Read any AA thread and you'll hear it over and over again. Good luck.

cupcaske123 · 07/07/2024 13:01

Of course you're not the only person who doesn't like it OP. You've got every right to be upset at the amount of money it takes to get wasted, the time spent away from his family and his abuse when he gets drunk.

You say it doesn't happen very often so it depends how strongly you feel about it.