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AIBU?

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Would you move tables at a Cafe?

364 replies

Southlondoner88 · 07/07/2024 12:10

So I’m inclined to say before I begin that maybe I was being a bit unreasonable but with good reason.

I am studying for really intense exams this week, had to get myself out of the house before I go insane so I came to a local Cafe Nero to do some work and have lunch. I chose a booth for 4 people partly because it was the only seat available when I first came in that looked comfortable and in the quiet area down the back. I would never sit at large booth on my own if this was a restaurant or a pub but it’s a chain, a lot of people do this and I see it all the time.

I was in deep intense study, earphones on, feeling great about myself and my productivity when a woman with her husband and adult child (I’m assuming) came to tap me on the shoulder. She asked if I could sit in the booth on the other side of me, there no please, excuse me or even a smile. I thought about it for a second, this is something I would normally agree to, I have previously swapped bus seats or airplane seats so children can sit together etc and would normally do this without being asked. If they were elderly or had toddlers/ babies or even if they just seemed nice I may have moved as I am a genuinely a nice person(people pleaser). However, after a quick scan of the situation, I politely declined and said I need this booth as there’s a charging socket here. I also didn’t really think they absolutely needed it, there were other seats/ tables free but I guess they wanted a booth. I also might have been persuaded if she was polite but I found her tone quite rude from the beginning and I was proved right because as soon as I declined, she said ‘so your just going to take up a booth because you need to charge your laptop?’ I then just said no again and turned away to which I was then called an ‘arrogant bitch.’ They clearly wanted an argument so I tried to ignore. They sat down at the booth in question and just pulled another seat over so it’s not as if they had nowhere to sit. They also sat there for no longer than 10 minutes and when they left, the woman turned to me and said ‘ hope you have a really shit rest of the day,’ again in a very aggressive tone.

I just think wow, it’s a public, chain cafe where seats are first come, first serve.. why on earth would you even bother someone clearly busy and comfortable when you only wanted to sit there for 10 minutes.

Also I’m not the only one here who is taking up extra space, there’s a couple opposite me sitting at a table for 6. I don’t know why they targeted me, probably because I’m a lone woman and look quite young for my age (been told this and still get ID’d in my 30’s.

it’s really annoyed me and I felt a bit shaky as I hate confrontation.

sorry excessively long post but think it needed context!

OP posts:
Wheredidileavemycarkeys · 10/07/2024 09:31

No way she would have said those things to a man
Absolutely no way.

Wheredidileavemycarkeys · 10/07/2024 09:23

Mrsttcno1 · 07/07/2024 12:17

She shouldn’t have spoken to you like that but I do think you’re unreasonable to take up a full booth for the sake of using the plug socket. Surely you don’t need your laptop plugged in all of the time so could have swapped seats? I did sometimes used to work in coffee shops while I was at uni but would always choose a seat where I wasn’t hogging a bigger space

There were other seats free. They didn’t have to sit there.

Funkyslippers · 10/07/2024 08:19

XenoBitch · 09/07/2024 22:13

There were other places for the other party to sit. OP was not taking up the last table, and when she initially went into the cafe, it was the only one available.

Are you saying that someone sat alone on a table for 4, should move when a smaller one becomes available? Because I can guarantee that is the sort of batshit thing that people talk about on MN, but never do in reality.

Actually it was the only one available that she fancied. But I agree, she can sit where she likes & there were tables available for the other party

XenoBitch · 09/07/2024 22:13

KreedKafer · 09/07/2024 12:29

You're both in the wrong. You're in the wrong for treating a coffee shop like an office, and she was in the wrong for being rude to you.

It is selfish to take up a booth for four people when there are smaller tables available and people in larger groups are stuck with nowhere to sit. She was a twat in the way she asked you, absolutely. It's not OK for her to be rude. But you also can't possibly expect other people to give a shit about your exams and your productivity and to accommodate your study needs in public spaces.

There were other places for the other party to sit. OP was not taking up the last table, and when she initially went into the cafe, it was the only one available.

Are you saying that someone sat alone on a table for 4, should move when a smaller one becomes available? Because I can guarantee that is the sort of batshit thing that people talk about on MN, but never do in reality.

pepperrabit · 09/07/2024 15:28

pepperrabit · 09/07/2024 15:27

YNBU

A lot of comments in this are horrific!

OP can sit at a table for 8 if she so chooses. She realistically does not need to move for any bigger party unless that is stated to her upon arrival before she becomes a paying customer. If the cafe had a policy, they would seat you personally.

Morally, she can absolutely weigh up a situation and decide in her own best interests. Why should she inconvenience herself for people who had clearly no interest in inconveniencing themselves for her?

Meant to add! A lot of cafes advertise people to come and work in there cafes as it makes the place look busier and leads to more custom.

pepperrabit · 09/07/2024 15:27

YNBU

A lot of comments in this are horrific!

OP can sit at a table for 8 if she so chooses. She realistically does not need to move for any bigger party unless that is stated to her upon arrival before she becomes a paying customer. If the cafe had a policy, they would seat you personally.

Morally, she can absolutely weigh up a situation and decide in her own best interests. Why should she inconvenience herself for people who had clearly no interest in inconveniencing themselves for her?

KreedKafer · 09/07/2024 12:29

You're both in the wrong. You're in the wrong for treating a coffee shop like an office, and she was in the wrong for being rude to you.

It is selfish to take up a booth for four people when there are smaller tables available and people in larger groups are stuck with nowhere to sit. She was a twat in the way she asked you, absolutely. It's not OK for her to be rude. But you also can't possibly expect other people to give a shit about your exams and your productivity and to accommodate your study needs in public spaces.

Roseyjane · 09/07/2024 12:23

I love how you go to so much trouble to justify how great you normally are and how normally you would say yes, it is most of the op.😂

YellowAsteroid · 09/07/2024 12:21

Kneidlach · 09/07/2024 11:31

The clue is in the name " cafe / coffee shop" (your own words) 😂

But - cafes and coffee shops have also been workplaces throughout their entire history! The finance and insurance sectors of London grew out of people meeting informally in cafes in the 1700s.

In a way people working from cafes now are simply carrying on a tradition that’s been going on for centuries.

Absolutely. Newspapers and magazines started in 18C coffee shops (The Spectator, The Idler) they were acknowledged places of meeting, work, and politics.

YellowAsteroid · 09/07/2024 12:17

AmazingBouncingFerret · 09/07/2024 06:56

They do it so people can work there. Caffè Nero themselves did a social media “campaign” (a couple of Facebook posts) about Working From Nero. They lost a lot of footfall custom from office workers during lockdown and it very nearly saw them gone. Once sitting in was allowed we actively encouraged people to come and work in the stores. They kept us going and me in a job!

I’m glad to hear it @AmazingBouncingFerret I really like my local Caffè Nero- the coffee is good and the staff are uniformly lovely (and those Italian cream buns are my current downfall).

They seem to have a nice balance between a quick sit down and people who sit over a cup of coffee for a long time. At my local one on Sunday there was an elderly man who’d fallen asleep over his cup of tea. But other customers just manoeuvred round him. Clearly nicer customers than the OP encountered or many PPs on this thread!

The judgement against a woman on her own, by other women, is quite shocking really.

Kneidlach · 09/07/2024 11:31

The clue is in the name " cafe / coffee shop" (your own words) 😂

But - cafes and coffee shops have also been workplaces throughout their entire history! The finance and insurance sectors of London grew out of people meeting informally in cafes in the 1700s.

In a way people working from cafes now are simply carrying on a tradition that’s been going on for centuries.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 09/07/2024 11:08

SouthernBelle2 · 09/07/2024 09:54

No need for the verbal abuse, but if you need office space you should rent an office. A cafe I'd for people to eat and drink and chat. An office is a place to work.

The OP didn't need office space - she needed somewhere to study - a bit different, in my opinion, @SouthernBelle2. And I doubt she'd have been able to rent a hot desk space at short notice on a Sunday.

They had to move a whole chair, @Poiboi? The horror!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 09/07/2024 11:06

Cloudtime · 08/07/2024 23:34

Seriously? Of course you were unreasonable ……. It’s a coffee shop not a library or office. You took up seats that 4 paying customers could have used . Charge your laptop before you go! Selfish and entitled

It was a Sunday, @Cloudtime - the library was shut, and the OP doesn't have an office to go to either - she was studying.

Plus, there was somewhere else the other woman's party could sit - they just wanted that particular table, asked very rudely, and expected the OP to gather all her stuff and move - how was that reasonable of them?

SouthernBelle2 · 09/07/2024 11:02

SofiaSoFar · 09/07/2024 10:43

It's not for you to police what a cafe/coffee shop is for, though.

Many of them very deliberately advertise themselves as places to go to work, including NERO as pointed out above by someone who (presumably) works for them.

The clue is in the name " cafe / coffee shop" (your own words) 😂

Poiboi · 09/07/2024 10:48

The distinction between coffee chain, pub and restaurant is all very arbitrary.

I think you were being on the selfish side if they had to move a chair to accommodate themselves.

But the other woman was exceptionally rude. You didn’t deserve to be verbally abused.

SofiaSoFar · 09/07/2024 10:43

SouthernBelle2 · 09/07/2024 09:54

No need for the verbal abuse, but if you need office space you should rent an office. A cafe I'd for people to eat and drink and chat. An office is a place to work.

It's not for you to police what a cafe/coffee shop is for, though.

Many of them very deliberately advertise themselves as places to go to work, including NERO as pointed out above by someone who (presumably) works for them.

SouthernBelle2 · 09/07/2024 09:54

No need for the verbal abuse, but if you need office space you should rent an office. A cafe I'd for people to eat and drink and chat. An office is a place to work.

greencatbob · 09/07/2024 07:16

If there were other tables that could accommodate 4 people then I don't think you should move. Especially not for someone so rude! If she'd asked nicely then that might change things.

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 09/07/2024 07:15

XenoBitch · 08/07/2024 22:32

Why?

I am a doormat, and even I would have stayed put. They don't own the seats/table.

No, but they like to sit there.

So personally, I would have let them

AmazingBouncingFerret · 09/07/2024 06:56

XenoBitch · 08/07/2024 23:37

Can you explain why a lot of cafes have charging ports now? I am pretty sure it is not so the staff can plug in a hoover when cleaning.

They do it so people can work there. Caffè Nero themselves did a social media “campaign” (a couple of Facebook posts) about Working From Nero. They lost a lot of footfall custom from office workers during lockdown and it very nearly saw them gone. Once sitting in was allowed we actively encouraged people to come and work in the stores. They kept us going and me in a job!

XenoBitch · 08/07/2024 23:37

Cloudtime · 08/07/2024 23:34

Seriously? Of course you were unreasonable ……. It’s a coffee shop not a library or office. You took up seats that 4 paying customers could have used . Charge your laptop before you go! Selfish and entitled

Can you explain why a lot of cafes have charging ports now? I am pretty sure it is not so the staff can plug in a hoover when cleaning.

Cloudtime · 08/07/2024 23:34

Seriously? Of course you were unreasonable ……. It’s a coffee shop not a library or office. You took up seats that 4 paying customers could have used . Charge your laptop before you go! Selfish and entitled

XenoBitch · 08/07/2024 22:32

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 08/07/2024 22:05

I would have moved for them

Why?

I am a doormat, and even I would have stayed put. They don't own the seats/table.

Ilovecleaning · 08/07/2024 22:30

harmfulsweeties · 08/07/2024 21:38

It pisses you off?

Why?

What a randomly weird thing to get pissed off about.

If you want a clue why they allow it @ilovecleaning it's because they, unlike you, don't care. So long as the customer is spending money, they're quite happy for the space to be used how the customer sees fit. If it's not your vibe-find somewhere else.

lol 😂 That’s me told off. I’ll find somewhere else - because you said so 🤣

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 08/07/2024 22:05

Mylovelygreendress · 07/07/2024 12:56

A few days ago DH and I went to a local coffee shop which wasn’t very busy . We sat at a table for 2 near the window and ordered coffee and cake .
We were chatting when 2 women approached us and “ could you move please ,we always sit here !”
There were lots of other tables available so I said no. They stood for a few moments telling each other how rude we were !
Bizarre .,

I would have moved for them

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