Would you move tables at a Cafe?

So you’re telling us that a (normally sought after) large booth was literally the only place to sit for you but there were loads of spare seats when they came in?

Two people don’t need an entire bench - she could have shuffled down and moved her bag off to share. How can you tell if someone has ASD and needs a break? And why does that person trump the other children/adults that also need a sit down and a break?

why would someone else sitting on the spare seat on the bench be a problem?

What a strange comment. You would be in a coffee shop. Whether somebody else is working or sat chatting to their mates, reading a book or staring off into the void of existential dread is absolutely none of your business.

Also I’m not the only one here who is taking up extra space, there’s a couple opposite me sitting at a table for 6. I don’t know why they targeted me, probably because I’m a lone woman and look quite young for my age (been told this and still get ID’d in my 30’s.

YANBU.

And yes, going by my experience, a woman on her own is much more likely to be asked to move, or share, or otherwise inconvenience herself. And be treated badly if she dares to refuse.

Couples tend to get a free pass for taking up proportionately more room.

Somehow, very few people expect that men will move ....

See this is also unreasonable to my mind lol
You could have sat on one end with bag on floor, dd on the end, you as the buffer then room for other kids.

In coffee shop scenario both unreasonable, you for hogging seats op and then for being rude

It wasn't the only seat free, it was the only seat free that she fancied.

She couldn't be bothered to say please, and you were there first.

Don't worry about it. She was ignorant, entitled and rude.

im a people pleaser too and to be honest we all have our limits sometimes. It just so happens this was yours. It was a minor inconvenience to them and it may make her think about how she approaches people in future. Nobody died. They got a seat. You stood your ground. I don’t think it's any deeper than that.

YANBU as it was the only seat free when you first arrived. In our local Wetherspoons we often go out as a 3 and a lot of the 4 person tables are often taken up by 2 people. I don't blame them as there probably weren't any 2 person tables free when they arrived. It's just life I'm afraid.

They were definitely being U for being so precious and rude to you

tbh I would have just sat down at the table if there was otherwise no availability.

I think it's the length of time OP planned to be there. Go in buy a coffee or two, work for the day. If everyone did it there'd be no coffee shops open. I once went in a independant coffee shop as a group and the owner/ manager asked a man who'd taken up a booth with a broadsheet and a coffee to move as there was only tables for two. He was annoyed as he was there first but moved.

We didn't ask him too and were turning round to leave.

TBF I've done it in my student days. There used to be a big table in the local starbucks with lots of plugs, if you were staying to study that's where you sat leaving the upholstered seats for the lunchtime/ shopping crowd.

I do think people have become less adept at following social conventions. More likely to become abusive too. It's interesting to me as I deal with refuse collection complaints for my local council. There's definitely been a shift in the way people talk / act. I'm generally lovely and go and see all the serial complainers face to face and try my best to resolve things. My bosses (all male) think it's because people don't shout at/ abuse women. Not sure about that one!

I don't go to coffeeshops very often but I would imagine there is a balance.

Quiet time, someone buying a coffee and reading/working no issue.
Busy time, pressure for tables for people spending money then buying a coffee and sitting there for 2 or 3 hours not really OK.

We don't know how long OP was there, how much she spent, how busy it was (sounds like the group of 3 had to pull up a chair to a smaller table)

So I find it hard to come down on one side or the other but there is no need for rudeness or aggression but I don't think it is worth dwelling on it now.

I don’t go to coffee shops these days, so I’ve never seen people using them as offices, having Teams meetings etc, so I have a question for those of you who have seen this. Do the people using the coffee shop as an office get cross with the normal coffee shop noise and bustle? Are they expecting an ‘office’ atmosphere in their local Starbucks, and getting pissed off if the local,NCT mums and babies are at the next table, for example?

Just curious.

Probably because there were two of them, one of whom was somebody with ASD who was feeling overwhelmed and needed a bit of a break. Most people with some vague sense of empathy would have spotted that and left them to it.

What do you consider a better use of the space?

Actually quite the opposite IME. A few near me have had to put up signs saying that people working/studying in the coffee shop will not be allowed because they hog tables from other customers and it's damaging their profits.

Buying 1 £3 latte and a sandwich over a 3 hour time period is ignorant. In that time, a dozen people could have spent that money each.

There were other tables available, they just wanted a booth. The op wanted a booth too. Op spent money. If op had went to the library she wouldn’t have spent any money in the cafe.
Should single people never go out to eat because tables are usually for at least two people and even though there are other tables free more people might arrive to use both seats at each table. Two people shouldn’t sit at a table for 4 even if there are only tables of 4 left just incase a group of 4 arrive.

They’re were rude not to ask you politely, but why did you need an entire bench for just your daughter and your bag?

I don’t know why they targeted me, probably because I’m a lone woman

Yep. Lone woman, easy target. You can bet if it was a burly 6ft bloke sitting in your place, she wouldn't have asked.

As yours wasn't the only table available, you did nothing wrong.

Many (four and a half) years ago most of us who were either students or working on a self-employed basis would make use of a coffee shop, cafe or similar place to do some work. In my friendship group we used to call it going to the Costa Office. Cafes and coffee shops would put on offers to entice people who were working to have multiple drinks and a lunch in return for wifi and getting out of the house, and there was always plenty of debate over what the purchase value/rate to length of time occupying the table ratio should be. Motherland did some pretty funny and accurate scenes about it!

I don't think OP was particularly unreasonable, and she wins the moral high ground because of the unreasonableness of the way the other woman spoke to her. Most of us who go to work in a cafe would try to be mindful of it's busy periods and how much space we were occupying though.

I think you are unreasonable. I see it a lot - people taking up quieter, comfier spaces in coffee shops/gym cafes just so they can have more space/plug in, whatever. A lot of people are annoyed about this but just decide not to say anything. It is on you to be more considerate in the first place. And it doesn't matter if it's a chain or an independent coffee shop. They all have to justify their existence by their turnover.

Are there coffee shops with tables for one? Never seen one. Where are the solo customers meant to sit, with or without a laptop?

I support cafes that don't allow people working just sitting there.

She said in the OP lunch so I presume eating and drinking.

There’s a different atmosphere in coffee shops where most tables are taken by single people with laptops and headphones. No background chatter and lively feel to it.