It's a money one - Parent

My thoughts exactly. If it wasn’t for something necessary (like their house suddenly subsiding or life saving surgery) it would feel like favouritism.

There was a thread on here recently where grandparents paid for private school fees for one set of grandchildren and they made an amendment on the Will so that the other sister would receive a greater proportion of the estate. A HUGE sum of money. By the time said GP died there was very little left in the estate and the sister without children received hardly anything. Most people felt very sorry for her. My point is that that parents should treat their children equally. If they were unable to gift all children 150k they probably shouldn’t have done it or divided that money between the siblings. We never know what the future holds and siblings fall out over this sort of thing all the time

I think the OP's attitude is really distasteful and entitled, and to have discussed the possibility of adding a codicil to the parents' Will is grabby beyond belief, made even worse by the OP saying that she is comfortably off anyway and has already been given substantial amounts by her parents. If my daughter ever tried to tell me how I should be spending my savings, which I've worked very hard for all my life, and which I need to live off, and how I should allocate my estate in my will, then I would certainly consider changing my will - and leaving her share to charity.

This is a very strange statement.

I couldn’t begrudge my sibling being given a couple thousand to help them with whatever, even a holiday, but it’s very strange for you to have always been given the same amount.

My parents have helped us - given each sibling similar help with deposits at different times. Helped one sibling repair structural issue that came up in the house, then later paid a lot for another siblings wedding. It’s a healthy approach imo. I’d never expect to be given money just because one of my siblings has been helped for something specific. I think your parents approach is pretty odd.

But to give one child £150k for something not life critical and ignore the other is pretty unbalanced and I can understand your upset at this. It is about the size of it.

I would feel the same OP. *
"My parents believe that my sibling is trust worthy and be fair* ". I'd still want something in writing though.

However, I sometimes think these things ARE about the money and I don't understand why so many posters think that's so shocking. It's very normal for parents to give their adult children money. Look at the percentage of FTB that get help from parents. It's just the way it is. We've helped our adult children a lot but if we had helped one more than the others I'd expect that to cause issues. (Unless there are proper reasons). It's a shit thing to do.

OP, how honest have you been with how you feel. I would say something. It would annoy me. I would worry about having to deal with it when they die. I'd address it head on. Tell them it's obviously their choice how they spend their own money but that their choice has a consequence and that it's making you feel like shit.

Also, IHT wise it makes a lot more sense for them to give you the money now.

Her parents have bleated on for years about being scrupulously fair with their children.
The OP hasn't an issue with how her parents spend their money BUT is feeling hurt NOW that they have gifted a sibling 150k and have told them they can wait for their inheritance.
It really isn't that difficult to understand why someone might be hurt in such circumstances.
She has every right to feel the way she does and to spell that out to her parents.

THEIR actions have caused this.

Hi OP,
I know you want to be treated the same as your sibling (and be gifted the same money sooner rather than later) but things being what they are if it were me I would tell my parents that I am worried that the unequal amounts would strain our sibling relationship at a difficult time and I would like it written in the will.

I would say that I would be happy to pay for the amendments to the will from my share (purely so your parents can't justify their lack of action by the cost) so if amending the will costs £1000 they could leave you the first £149k then everything after is split (when they see that this is important to you they might decide to pay themselves anyway).

This might not be particularly logical but I would rather try to secure £149k than take my chances with £150k. If the will says 50:50 then the executor of the will won't have any choice to deviate from this if you and your sibling (and anyone else affected) are not in agreement. The answer would be if your parents wanted something different from this then they should have changed their will.

Am I the only reader who finds it incomprehensible that others think they know how parents should spend their money?
It seems there’s a large cohort of supposedly intelligent people who don’t understand the term ‘inheritance’
Inheritance is what’s left when someone dies….not some made-up amount that people think they should be entitled to even before the benefactor has died.
Look after your own finances & let your parents spend their own money however the hell they want.

If they spend 6 months of the year with them are they trying to financially compensate for that? It must cost your sibling a fair bit to do that.

Talk to your parents about how you feel

Has the gift been declared by your sibling to the tax man? What are the tax implications for your parents in giving a large cash gift? That's the approach I would take, say your concerned about the tax implications for them both.

Your parents should write a letter to your sibling declaring it was a gift for tax purposes. Another copy should be filed with their will so you have proof that your sibling benefitted from an early inheritance.

Or you could always anonymously report them to HMrC for tax dodging before they spend it all on breast implants, fillers and botox.They might as well 0ay tax on it before going on a splurge.

If your sibling will take 150k from your parents and use some of it for cosmetic surgery, then I would have zero confidence they will hand over 150k of your parents estate to you before splitting the balance. They will say that was years ago, if they’d cared they’d have changed the will, I need it for <x> and this is what mum and dad wanted.
im sorry op it must suck. Use this to pull your sibling more into their care- lots of stuff online and needing research etc, they can do that from anywhere. And make sure you’re not doing more than you can handle, you need to manage your life too.

Families are shit. The promise it'll come right when they're dead is just insulting to you now. Just as it will be when they're dead and there's no money left.

I wouldn’t be happy either in your position.

But is part of this money being used to build an annex or something similar that your parents then stay in during the 6 months of the year that they spend there? If so that somewhat muddies the waters.

The fair thing would be to treat you both equally or at the very least write this difference in inheritance split into their wills.

Did your sibling ask (or drop heavy hints) your parents for the money, or did your parents offer it unprompted?

YANBU - Should have been a fair split imo.

@TheSpoonyNavyReader I wrote my post from the position of not being the golden child!! my elder sister, the golden child, got the whole house!! think how my younger sibling and I felt! worthless!