To ask what I can do to make my child ok spending time with their abusive parent

i would concentrate on the UK legal system if thats where you live. no amount of reading or quoting or anything will persuade me to let my child spend even a second with their dad if this is what they are alledged to be doing to them.

simply refuse. until he has a court order instructing you that if you do not hand over the child, and until the police knock on your door to enforce this.. keep the child away SIMPLE

i am fully aware of abusers and what they are capable of thank you. i dont need to read up, i've lived through it thank you!

and just for information, BOTH my parents were the abusers.. the one who had me and the one who got me.

in what world does a parent send a child who has been strangled by their dad on a regular basis as you say, still allow the child to be with the dad?

i don't care who or what court instructed me to do this.. there is no way in hell and over my dead body would i send my child into this situation!

i would not be sending them under any circumstances. not once i have i said you are lying, i have said there is more to this than you are letting on.

I already act like it's good for her to be with her dad

Well there's a complete head fuck for your child right there.

You've posted before and seem unable to prioritise her safety right now over what might, according to your solicitor, happen in the future.

It's awful to read that she is still not being protected.

OP you can't send your child to someone who regularly strangles her. He could very easily kill her. I'm very surprised that someone who is regularly being strangled, has no bruising or marks.

His partner sounds like a psychopath if she's watching a 7 year old being strangled and doesn't intervene. At the very least set up supervised access. Ask your MIL to be there when your ex has access.

I would do as advised above and find another solicitor. Get advice from a DV organisation, contact Rights of Women and go to court. You must protect your daughter's life.

and who says i have never been through the system? its offensive to assume such things.

there is very clearly a lot more to this than first meets the eye, and if you cannot see that, then i suggest you get yourself off for some glasses.

the OP was in an abusive relationship, never reported and left .. well done them! there is a child, and the OP does not want the child to spend time with their dad and his new partner.

i have seen this play out so many times, one parent accuses the other parent of doing x, y and z too the child in an attempt to keep custody and control and use the child as a weapon against the other party.

having been a victim of horrific child abuse myself, its unilkely that the child will want to spend time with her father given that he's tried to strangle her! her age has nothing to do with this.

so perhaps, next time you try to shoot down someone who simply needs more information before giving advise.. mind your own business

You clearly have never been through the systems OP has. Please stop trying to insinuate she's lying, it's offensive to OP and every other abuse victim who gets ignored in the patriarchal systems.

This is ridiculous and not helpful at all to a distressed OP in a difficult situation. No one cares about this BS nitpicking.

*I already act like it's good for her to be with her dad and I don't say anything negative about him.

What else can I do?*

I would completely change that approach.
She is in danger. I understand why it’s not as easy as just saying, “don’t send her!”
Despite her being 7, I would tell her strangling her is wrong and very dangerous and when/if he does it, she should tell his wife, and you. You don’t have to be constantly rude about him - but you can be honest. Better to be neutral any day nothing about it being “good” to be with him. It’s confusing to have you, who knows she’s been dangerously physically assaulted, telling her it’s good that she goes there. Better to say you don’t want her to see daddy unsupervised and you’re asking the court for that, but they don’t agree. Otherwise, to a 7yo, you’re actually telling her that the strangling isn’t that big a deal - make nice and go to daddy.

so social services and the police have been involved and they are taking no further action? i find this highly unlikely if the allegations are true?

who made the allegations? whats the story? because until we know this we can't comment can we

You seem to be saying that all your research shows you that it's a foregone conclusion that you'd "lose" in court. That's simply not true. I know plenty of people who have been through family court and none have had residency switched. Indeed the other parent has often been forced to do courses and comply and engage with domestic abuse programmes. You are assuming none of this will happen.

OP, mediation is not advised in situations like this. He's abusive. My ex husband did some utterly stupid things and put our son in danger. He ended up with supervised contact only for a long period and was never allowed overnight contact. He disappeared in the end and we've not seen him since. My experience of the family court and Cafcass was positive.

I'd speak to the Coram children's legal centre, Women's Aid and Rights of Women. Social services may be able to help too. There is nothing to suggest you would end up with switched residency. That is not done on a whim. I also don't agree with your solicitor's advice on that. Change solicitors. Have a look at the Resolution website where there are lots is solicitors who specialise in abuse cases. That's what you want.

My youngest son hated spending time with his Father (he too was abusive) it got so I’d drop him off and literally wait outside because, 20 mins later he’d be ringing me to go and get him.
Then he developed chronic fatigue syndrome ( diagnosed) and became really poorly and I absolutely know it was the stress from this that caused it - so every weekend would be the same his Dad shouting at me because he wouldn’t go as he was too poorly.
Then I saw reality and simply said to his Dad every friday, he doesn’t want to come, it caused a lot of trouble for me but it took the stress of my son.

Eventually my ex got the message and disowned DS by text - his health is a little better but stress excaberates his illness even now.

Please OP don’t send your daughter.