To ask what I can do to make my child ok spending time with their abusive parent

No way on God's earth would I let my child go anyway near an abusive person. You have to sort this out

Can you tell teachers at your daughter's school your concerns...saying you are worried about your daughter, and can they give her some extra support at school?

Without asking for anything more. If she got some more support she might open up at school? Or brownies, wherever she has a trusted other adult?

How is it unhelpful? The OP is surmising what might happen in court. Meanwhile is putting her DD at risk of significant harm. The child's MH is going to be destroyed by the pair of them. Although I do recognise that the OP is stuck mentally in a similar position as someone in a DV situation, but she needs blunt honesty.

That wasn't my DD's experience, her ex's PR was removed. The Police had been called by a neighbour on one occasion though. Like pps it must depend on the judge because we're allegations have been made against the father, the court wants reports etc and that can take a year, by which time your DD can decide not to have contact. Stop contact and take your chance. Your child won't get removed. At the moment your lack of fight is letting her down.

What a ridiculous unhelpful comment.

Hopefully you never have to deal with something this traumatic.

You need a better solicitor. Try Dawson Cornwell. Be prepared to spend all your “personal wealth” on this, what on earth could be more important than this?

Be careful about how you approach this. I know you’re worried about being accused of parental alienation. But at the moment if you tell your daughter how important it is to see her father, and actively force her to spend time with her father when you do not have a court order in place, you’re making his argument for him that you are in fact not concerned at all about them having contact, so there can’t possible be abuse.

You are a disgrace. You are actively goading a mother at the end of her tether.

Please stop making these kind of remarks.
It is not op's choice, she explained this now about a 1000 times.

She is trying to find any helpful advice as courts etc fo not believe her, but her ex.
I understand it is what everyone hopes they will do, and I also used to think that I would.

But when youre in this type of situation, everything chances, and the world turns upside down.
Its pure horror. Nothing less

Honestly OP your daughter is at risk of being killed by her father. I don't understand why you would gamble on that because of a potential outcome in court? Why would anyone take that chance. She has confided in you and you pretending that seeing her dad is good for her will screw her over forever.

OP if you have to do mediation as there is no evidence of abuse do shuttle mediation.

It costs more but it means your ex cannot talk over you.

The mediator may try to get you in the same room at some point but absolutely refuse.

Also as you have solicitors find out what "normal" contact is and go prepared to give him "normal" contact.

Unfortunately until your DD is prepared to speak up to third parties unprompted by you that's the contact she will have to endure.

Weirdly, it is viewed as his word against mine even though my poor daughter has had to interview with many authorities and tells all of them the same thing. Nothing about it makes sense.

It's because she is 7. Children aren't generally believed until they are secondary school age. This is because they are easily manipulated by either parent. This is why childminders, staff at nurseries, staff at schools etc are important. If they speak to them while in their care and neither parent has raised anything with them then it raises safeguarding concerns they should report. Unfortunately some schools won't take it further due to being overworked or not thinking it is serious enough.

I took a video of her telling me about the abuse - apparently this is very, very bad in the family courts even though every normal person I have told said they would do the same

Yep.

Family Court don't like you recording children whether they consent or not, and whether it is due to normal interaction or not.

Many judges also don't like you recording the other parent even if they consent. However if you have a ring doorbell (make sure you have a sticker up saying you have a camera), they send you texts, they send you emails etc that illustrates their behaviour as they consented then you can use them.

OP I'm so very sorry you and your daughter are going through this. Unfortunately you're getting a lot of unhelpful posters who clearly (and luckily) haven't got any idea of how the family court systems work.

I've a close friend who's been through this recently - she provided the courts with evidence of DV towards her and her 3yo daughter and evidence of the fathers drug abuse to the courts. Despite this they have awarded him overnights twice a week. It's horrendous.

All you can do to try and protect her (and not lose her to her piece of shit father) is give her a stable loving home with you, keep documenting every single abusive message/phone call, keep a diary of your daughters behaviour when she returns to you and log every single incident which hopefully in the long run will help in court. Can she work a basic mobile phone with your number programmed in so she can call you if she needs to whilst she's with him?

Huge hugs to you and your dd, I pray this gets resolved for you both soon

I will not engage further anyone who considers the safety of a 7 year old a GAME is not worth my time or effort

@Vinividivici I am playing the long and short games

oh dear! having a child is not a game, i shall leave you too your games

Sounds like u didn’t report issues to the police and SS as soon as it happened.

You are right to be cautious my cousin got into a bitter custody battle the father was physically abusive to my cousin and her 12 year old son.
He had marks coming back from his dad so my cousin withheld contact SS got involved and in the end the father got full custody with my cousin having supervised contact it was horrendous. When her son was 15 he ran back home to her and they didn’t do anything he’s one messed up young man now with a lot of anger issues himself .

@sentfrmmyiphone you are not helping the Op with your agressive and dogmatic questioning. You don’t seem to understand the court process and how abusers use the “ parental alienation “ argument to control and abuse their ex and their children.

why does it? if you genuinely believe your child not to be safe, if your ex is constantly strangling your child and his partner is watching.. which i assume you have evidence of? reports to social services, the many reports to the police? you have all this evidence that this is what is happening?

i really do feel i am missing something... how many times has he strangled her? and how? explain the circumstances around it? you say its her word against his? are there no brusies? no burn marks on her neck?

do not let that child spend any time with these people... full stop!!

i never said you did... i said i was?

as i have said, until that court order lands on your doormat.. do not send that child anywhere.

your opening thread says 'if i go to court' which i assume means you have not yet gone through any family court proceedings. I dont mean police or criminal court, i mean family court where they look at both sides of the case and decide who should and should not have custordy.

it sounds like you have none of this in place, and if you have i stand corrected.

until that order with power of arrest is in your hands, keep that child away