Mil thinks DH should pay towards his grandmothers funeral

Why did the grandfather’s estate pass straight to children rather than to his wife? You’ve said grandmother and not indicated it was a second marriage but it looks like she had a life interest or right to live in the house and now she’s died no one is even prepared to pay for a funeral. What’s the story?

I cannot understand any parent not wanting the best for the DC financially, and in your MIL's shoes I would be saying 'don't worry kids, I'll cover Mum's funeral costs'.

However, as your MIL is obviously not a generous character, I would suggest that as the house is owned (say) 70% by MIL and 10% each to your DH and his siblings, it would be 'reasonable' to offer 10% of the funeral cost and if his siblings can do the same, that will leave MIL with 70% of the cost. But I would do this on the understanding that you don't have spare cash, and your share will therefore need to be deducted from the payout when the property is sold.

This sounds like a DH problem.

Are you saying DH is going to pay rather than say no to MIL?

What would happen if you told him this was a deal breaker? Would he rather upset you than her?

Sounds fair enough to share the funeral costs in proportion to the house ownership . Yes Mil is minted but presumably Dh will.inherit sone of this wealth. Did he love his Grandmother?

Yes that makes it more complex. Probably worth asking a lawyer, as she's still been the one living in it for a long while.

The question is did your DH love his GM.

I mean my DM died and my DF was wealthy but I wanted to pay for flowers and organised some lovely flowers for the reception.

it was just a gesture that cost a few hundred.

@Fireyflies it wasn’t GM’s, only belonged to GF.

Could it be more emotional than financial? As in the whole family should give what they can?

My grandma (who I very much hope has lots of time left to live), doesn’t have much in terms of money and nothing in terms of asset, though I am sure she’s prepared everything to have her death covered (it’s a topic we discuss a lot.) Two of my aunts are rich and could easily cover her funeral if ever needed BUT I would still want to participate, I adore ny
grandma I would be completely devastated if/when she dies.

Her funeral would be my final goodbye to her so anything I could do financially I would want it done, irrelevant of if my aunts can easily cover it and not feel the hit.

So for me it would be emotional, and I don’t know if the rest of the family would expect me and the others to fork in but I wouldn’t be surprised if they did at all, but for as flawed as my family is, that’s just how we would naturally react, irrelevant of our finances I think most of us would want to fork in but then again she is beyond loved and the pillar of our family so paying for her funeral wouldn’t ever became a source of fighting or of “who should pay”.

Not sure about your husband and his family/relationship to his grandmother, I just know that for me and mine it would all be about paying back towards grandma rather than who can easily afford it and most of us would spend our last penny on it if that’s what it would take for her to have the goodbye she deserves.

Different families have different relationships and different priorities though, hence me asking if it’s really so she doesn’t have to pay for her own mother’s funeral or if it’s because she expect her son to naturally want to participate?

There will be CGT on capital growth from the GD date of death top sliced on income for rate but less CGT allowance which will probably be slashed by Labour under an emergency budget in the next few weeks.

Your MIL and DH should be aware that if the house is worth a lot, then there could still be inheritance tax to pay on its value. As it's considered that the grandmother was still the beneficial owner, despite it being held in others' names. See www.crane-staples.co.uk/news/inheritance-tax-can-i-gift-my-house-to-my-children-and-still-live-in-it/

Are people missing that DGM and DGF were divorced? Almost certainly for much longer than they were married, since it happened in the 70s.

What state is the property in if grandad died decades ago? Has MIL paid for any maintenance work, new kitchen etc?

Just say you’ve got no spare money. She’s a cheeky cow

The fact that the house was legally passed down generations years ago means that morally at least the funeral expenses should come out of it. So I would expect DH's contribution to be in line with his share in the house.

It would have been quite usual for the grandfather to leave the house to his wife, and for her to leave defined amounts to her grandchildren with her daughter as residuary beneficiary. On that basis the funeral costs and fixed legacies would be paid before calculating the residue, so in effect they come out of the residuary legacies - which would mean your mother paying. As she has had the benefit of the bulk of her father's estate it still makes sense for her to do so.

That's your problem then.

Because he can't be forced, and he's entitled to his share of the house regardless of whether he pays towards the funeral costs of a different person. But from what you say, he isn't going to be capable of getting his head round that part.

Do you have DC op?

MIL should be paying. Ridiculous that she has asked her own children to pay for her mother's funeral.

Wonder what she's planned for her estate...

Bet it'll go elsewhere or ringfenced with conditions

I assume DH's father is not around?

Guessing your real concern is that your husband is likely to do what his mother tells him, regardless of the rights and wrongs? It doesn't sound like he's up for saying no to his mother