Is this money set up fair?

No its not fair but for whatever reason he has come to expect it. You won't be able to change it either so either suck it up or seperate. Why would he want to change anything? I certainly wouldn't if i were him. Either way, do not waste your life on feeling anger and resentment. So if you don't want to seperate, make your peace with it.

Honestly OP, I say this with as much love and kindness as I can, I feel like you really need to sit down and assess what he brings to your relationship and if you would be better off alone.

You already pay for pretty much everything so you know you can afford to be alone, you already do all the household, child stuff and mental load.

I can't help but feel you wouldn't really miss him if he weren't there! Although you might find your bills going down as you can get single persons discount on the council tax, and you might be eligible for some UC top ups, and you wouldn't have to keep paying for him!

There's bigger issues here than the money. Is your marriage tenable if he resorts to violence at every discussion he disagreed with?

Based on this he should pay even more.

Really you should work out how much these extras are roughly a year and pro rata those too then have a joint account where you each pay your monthly contributions to.

So he earns just over 35% of your joint income of £6700. Your total bills are £4100 (if you add the 3.5k to the 600 food). His contribution should be around £1435. He actually pays £1100 so he is about £335 short pcm. He should be paying more.

You asked why is the car in his name if op paid for it, so I answered that it’s not in his name it’s in ops. Why would op now put the car in his name, whilst it’s in hers she can always take it back

He is definitely taking you for a ride here OP. And then trying to make out he is the victim. Let this one go unless he agrees to some sort of equitable split (which will probably not be 50:50 but at least better than it is now).

@Coconutter24 i am asking why is she paying for a car for her cocklodger dh to use, put it in his name, and pay for repairs

It’s in OPs name the car

Not really they pay more because they earn more, distribution of chores is a different matter where the couple need to discuss what’s fair and expected from each other which many seem to not be able to do. OP has a similar amount of income left because they are a family and are paying in per portion to what they earn, however I do think the extras need splitting 50/50, again roles reversed and many wives on here saying husband pays a lot more because they earn more but their DH make it so they have same disposable income to keep things fair

I know this is not helpful but I really don't understand why anyone marries a person like this. Decide what you want your future to look like and whether you want him in it.

This. Not a chance that I would stay married to a man that said this to me. Especially given that you are paying for his lifestyle!

Divorce the fucker and see how far he gets on his £1100 per month.

Is it fair to both have the same disposable income when OP earns more?

We each put a salary percentage into a joint account and all bill and expenses come out of that. If we run low then we top up the same amount each.only extra expense is my partner pays for the sports on sky, as I don't care if we have them!

Then the disposable income is proportional to what they each earn.

I don't get at all why you're still together. You cant stand each other. He brings absolutely nothing to the table that you wouldn't get if you split up. Except negative stuff. What positive are you getting from this relationship? Must be shit for the kids to live with two parents who dislike each other.

Let's face it OP, if he was a single man, his living expenses for rent/mortgage, bills, food, car etc would likely be a lot more than £1100 a month. He's not even paying enough to cover his own expenses, let alone contribute towards his children.

He's a cocklodger and is sponging off you.

I'll throw in a bag of sand and cement

He called you a thick bitch?? I’ve have a patio and a shovel for that fucker.

He sounds awful.
Why is the car in his name is you paid for it? Why did you pay for it to be repaired?

What is he spending the rest of his money on? Is there any chance he underestimates the amount you spend on "extras" but you are doing the same?

He doesn't sound like a very nice person, but considering the financial issues only, I'd suggest you need to calculate your essential outgoings (to include childcare, mortgage, bills, food shop, stuff for the DC, days out, car maintenance etc) and then agree (either on proportion of salary or to leave you both with save disposable income) who is paying what towards them. This also needs to include a savings buffer to cover one off expenses (both things like boiler breaking and annual insurances).

if it was the male earning that much it would be accepted that he pays more.

But surely this only applies if the woman is doing the lions share of the housework and childcare? He clearly isn't.

Why should OP be left with the same disposable income as someone who earns a fraction of her wage? She should have more disposable income IMO because she's earned it. Nobody needs a parasitic partner. I would calculate contributions based on percentage of your income.

Download the MSE budget planner and enter every single cost onto there along with your income and you can work out what you each need to put into a joint account to cover all the bills. you should be left with a percentage each as well for your own spending. at the moment he has £1300 and you have nothing.

make a list of all household chores and who does what and equalise that.

However, if he won't discuss any of it and calls you a thick bitch, then you don't have a marriage/partnership worth saving anyway. Why stay with someone who gets angry and aggressive rather than discuss things reasonably like a grownup?

I can't believe people marry other people who they don't trust with money.

The initial split seems fair. As a pp calculated, that would leave you £1300 each.

It's all the rest of it that isn't. All the other outgoings should be split 50/50 to keep it fair. This is where it's falling down.

Added to that, he doesn't sound like a great husband anyway. Other than his £1100 contribution, what does he bring to the relationship/family unit? Doesn't sound like much from what you're saying.

So I think the finances are a symptom of the overall issue of him not respecting you. Not the main issue itself.

You're the higher earner, doing the mental load and childcare and he calls you a thick bitch?

Why on earth are you staying with this horror? Why would you stay with someone who verbally abuses you?

Hes not stressed about money, he's being angry and abusive so you don't find out the details.