Is this money set up fair?

Yup.

Glad you've decided you want to leave. No doubt it will be difficult and unsettling for your children but I highly doubt you will regret it once the dust has settled. He sounds so horrible, he really does. You shouldn't feel afraid to bring up a topic with someone who is supposed to love and support you. Wishing you the best of luck with it all. Well done for smashing your career and being a high earner so at least you've got that on your side.

Passive is a very generous word to use there, it's actually uncaring. That's horrible. Yes, if your ds continues to live in his dads presence 24-7, he will be the type of adult desperate for attention and he will seek it anywhere. He won't remember the particular crying/YouTube incident but he is forming memories and will be triggered by similar when he's older.
Unless I've got the thread mixed up, and my apologies if so, there's so many arsehole husbands the threads blend in to one, what makes you think he will go for 50/50? It doesn't sound like he wants to spend any time with them. Getting them separate from this horrible male influence on their life will be a good thing for them, not a negative.

You went about it the wrong way. Tell him you think it's worth sitting down together to find ways to save money on the household finances as you think your both struggling. This gets you all the info of incoming and outgoing then work out who pays what percentage based on your earnings. If he doesn't like it you can always look at child maintenance calculator and say that if you split his going to be paying you x amount and doing his food, rent and bills etc.

Ultimately regarding who pays what comes down to who owns the property etc.

The great thing about being the higher earner though is that it’s easier to leave!

You wrote in an earlier post they are so happy, loving mummy and daddy?
Now your son actively dislikes your husband?
Your husband has very little interest in his children and doesn't engage much?
Of course your children are going to be well aware who their carer is.

As you grow up you know exactly by osmosis how your primary carers feel about you.
Words are not necessary.

Your 3 year old stays close to feel safe.
Perhaps he senses how vile his father is. Children don't have the words but they absorb feelings and atmosphere which they recall later.

Coming from a child who’s parents stayed together because they didn’t want to upset the kids or change their lives, I tell them to this day as an adult that I wish they’d just split sooner.

your children will adapt and cope and be happier and healthier thanks to your decision to split.

My kids were 5 and 6. They took it in their stride. They don't remember life before.

They're happy.

They're now old enough to recognise the frustrations I used to have.

Obviously there were some tricky bits. Eg working out contact time and money. But I've never regretted leaving. Not for a second.

I read somewhere recently that having a happy mother is the most important factor for a child to thrive.

Your children really will be fine. The younger they are, the easier it will be for them, imho. There is no reason why they cannot be as happy with you and h living apart as they seem now.

Seeing their mum being treated as you are is no happy childhood for them. As they get older, they will notice how their dad is. If you have sons, they will be taught that is how you treat women and if you have daughters, they will be conditioned to be treated in this way.

Good luck op

From experience op, your kids will be fine, and far finer than if you stay together.

It's the right thing to do, everyone deserves happiness.

He's got debts or he's hiding something the anger is him deflecting

It's not a nice realisation that you are so unhappy that you need to get out.

The DC will be okay.

Take your time, get your ducks in a row. Emotionally separate so when the time comes you've already moved on.

It's sad you ended up choosing someone who didn't want to be a team but you did. Don't let it define your future.

I think that's the right decision op. He sounds horrible

and you're with him for his.... sparkling wit?

H has income of £2400 a month. I have income of £4300 a month. Both work full time. I do majority of childcare and all mental load. I wfh.

Stop doing it all then?

I hadn't got this far down the thread

as other have said kick him out - tell him to take his money and fuck right off

you are enabling his behaviour - if the boiler breaks, then he needs to cough up and phone the plumber. If its suggested lunch out, you say no not unless youre paying as I don't have any money

cut back on the supermarket shop - the answer is I don't have any money to pay for the extras

if he would sit down and have a sensible talk that'd be ok - but he won't so unfortunately the sensible mature action has to be cut back on everything

'What the hell am I going to do?'

Divorce.

It's absolutely obvious from the outside op.

Tell him that you want a divorce as he walks out the door for his big night out.

Ask to see his bank accounts. I bet that will drive him into a tail spin. At best he is an entitled cock, at worst he is an entitled cock with a secret drain on his income.

Why does he act like an entitled arsehole? Easy, it’s because he is an entitled arsehole, who verbally abuses his wife every time his entitled arseholeness is challenged.

OP I get it, you don’t want to accept that you are married to an entitled arsehole. He’s ’stressed’ is an excuse that you tell yourself to avoid the truth of this man’s character.

You need to decide if you are willing to continue to accept such disrespect because if you do, it will be to the detriment of your children’s future. If you wouldn’t like your child being married to a person who verbally and financially abuses them, why is it ok for their mother to be?

You can’t change him or appeal to his better side (he doesn’t have one) but you can choose to limit your exposure to this twat.