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Original poster

Boyfriends Controlling Ex stopping him seeing the kids

56 replies

doobadoo · 07/07/2024 00:08

Looking for some advice. I have been with my boyfriend for the past 12 months, we met at work and I currently live in the Middle East. He has two children 4 and 9 year old girls. I’m not a parent myself so looking for advice of this situation sounds unreasonable.

Boyfriend works away for large parts of time. A few months away and then home. His schedule is all a bit random but he pays maintenance and other expenses to the ex. Every-time he comes back his ex makes it so hard for him to see his children. She changes schedules and is just generally very un co-operative. She is so angry and I can understand to a certain extent as it must be hard in her shoes. But he genuinely is desperate to see the kids and it would be great to be able to give her a break too.

My partner is back in his home country again next week and I am flying with him. We really want to arrange so I can finally meet his children too but ex is being incredibly difficult. I get she does not like me and I am ok with that. We can’t make any plans and we really want to book some fun things to do with the kids. Any advice?

OP posts:
Anothnamechang · 07/07/2024 00:24

From a ‘controlling ex’s’ perspective, please stay out of it. You will only vilify yourself.

I was made out to be the controlling ex who stopped my ex seeing our children. It couldn’t be further from the truth, he was more than welcome to see our children. Infact he was offered on many occasions and at one point played the victim so well that the nursery facilitated contact for him and our youngest arranged between him and the nursery. After it happened the manager told me they had a great contact and they really encourage me to keep it up. Well you could’ve picked the managers jaw from the ground when I showed her the email from his solicitor advising he didn’t wish contact as it wasn’t in the best interest of him and our children…. Ofcourse his now ex partner fell hook line and sinker for his fathers for justice fight and stood by him all the way. Until she had a child with him and he done the exact same, now me and a good few of his exs with his children are actually friendly and currently being vilified by current partner.

Champagnesocialismo · 07/07/2024 00:20

I would stay well out of it. He is not much of a father, and you shouldn’t romanticise this into some of thing that has to change. Children need stability. Your boyfriend can’t provide that. Do not be a drama llama. These kids don’t need it.

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/07/2024 00:15

But he genuinely is desperate to see the kids and it would be great to be able to give her a break too.

Living in the same country as them and working a job which made access easy would be a start.

LightDrizzle · 07/07/2024 00:12

If he’s not seeing much of his children or regularly then it’s not the time to be introducing them to a girlfriend.

It sounds like he needs to change his lifestyle and get a job near his children. It must be very disorientating for them. He might earn less but he’d be around reliably for his children.

WaitingforSpring24 · 07/07/2024 00:12

Yes. Don’t assume she is controlling.
You don’t have any idea about this situation and as his new GF, I’ve seen men make out that their Ex is controlling so many times.

Concentrate on a healthy relationship. Don’t get into conversations about his Ex. Let him sort it out. So what if you don’t meet the children? It’s honestly not the most important thing.

BelindaOkra · 07/07/2024 00:11

i don’t think you need to meet them. If he’s there briefly it would be good for him to spend time alone with them but you might just be confusing for them.

Concentrate on him being able to see them .