Parents contributing to nieces’ school fees

Although, on further thinking, I suppose maybe they don’t ’need’ the fees paying at all and that’s the whole point of this thread.

Either way, I can see why you’d be upset OP although, as you say, nothing you can do about it really!

They're making sure their grandkids are getting a great education. Completely different to paying off your mortgage.

Their money, their choice. Sounds like they value education.

Have kids. If they don't help the same way, then you can moan.

Somewhat beside the point but I want to know what their outgoings are if they are earning in excess of 200K, live mortgage free yet still need 50% of their DD’s school fees paying!

YABU. Firstly none of your business how your parents spend their money. Secondly how could you resent people helping out their grandchildren and your nieces and nephews. You sound very spoilt.

You need to view it as a gift your parents are giving their grandchildren, not your brother. My siblings have children, I don’t and probably never will. My mum has put money in accounts for my DNs and has paid for things like taking them on holiday and other things, she doesn’t give me the financial equivalent but why should she? She treats me and my siblings equally but her grandchildren aren’t just extensions of their parents and she doesn’t have to balance out things she gives the grandchildren by giving something to me because I don’t have children. If you had children of your own and your parents were paying school fees and childcare costs for your brother and not for you I would understand your resentment, but you don’t have children so it’s not possible. If you do have children in the future hopefully she would look at how she could give the same or a similar advantage to your children, but until that’s the case I really don’t see how you can resent her helping her grandchildren, especially when the ly are your DNieces. I adore my DN and want them to have the best so how could I resent anything my mum does to make their lives better!?

There have been several threads recently on people's luxurious London lifestyles being propped up by 'ordinary' parents in the North.
All involving a man in finance.
Guess all the thousands of 'how do people afford London' threads should just be linked to these! All these supposed super high earners aren't actually financing these things from their salaries alone. Why does anybody even bother with investment banking at this rate, huh?

YANBU to feel resentful that your brother's family is getting loads while you get nothing. With those professions mortgage free they shouldn't even need any parental help to afford fees.

Nothing you can do about it but your feelings are valid. People can logic it away all they want, claim they can't imagine why, it's to the grandkids not your brother etc etc but it's human nature to feel this way as they don't actually need the money. They basically get everything they want handed to them on a platter.

I think it’s a false equivalence. You’re married and of childbearing age, they probably think you will or at least might have children for whose costs they would then want to contribute to. It’s not like they were paying his mortgage before he had kids but they now aren’t paying yours - if they helped you out now to even it up, and then helped with school and nursery fees, that would be treating you more beneficially than him. Also, you and your husband can’t be doing badly if you managed to get and are paying a £2160+ per month mortgage!

I’m sorry I can not imagine being this bitter about grandparents helping their grandchildren. My sister has 2 children, I have no children and never will have any (don’t want them). My sister and her husband make probably close to 300k a year.
My parents pay about 30% of the school fees. I contribute £2000 a year to each of their JISAs.
I love my nieces and can’t imagine being bitter about this!

Your parents clearly place a great deal of store on private education. I wonder if your brother indicated he want that keen to send DNs and your parents are paying because its what they want for their GC? Regardless as PP said, many people see their GC as people in their own right not an extention of their adult children so it's not giving your brother something you aren't getting, it's giving their GC something they already gave to both you and your brother.

Whether or not the parents need it is irrelevant. It is grandparents doing something for their grandchildren. Something they want to do not something they have been asked to do

YANBU to feel the way you do. Whether it's right or not is beside the point, you feel the way you feel.

Had you thought about asking your parents the question - what if I have twins? What if brother and SIL go on to have another three children? Where would the money come from to put them ALL through private school? Your parents might be fine with the spend at the moment, but things happen...

That's a lovely attitude. You have a wonderful family.

I don't know why you resent them helping your niece? What a strange attitude. You have plenty. Let it go.

If they're handing over money they can't afford, you're right to be angry at your brother for taking the piss.

If they're comfortably subsiding the use of an education system they believe in, one you benefitted from, then it's ridiculous that you are looking another hand out and you need to grow up.

And I say that having been the advocate of parents treating descendents equally on many threads, and a vehement opponent of private schools - they will owe any grandchildren you provide them equal treatment.

I don’t see the problem tbh. Out of all the children I know who go/went to private school, a significant proportion were financially supported by grandparents so I think this is fairly normal. If they want to do this then it’s up to them. I doubt they consider a contribution to their grandchildren’s education a waste of money.

And most opt out of funding in these areas

Not if the gift is from surplus income, doesn't impact their standard of living and is made regularly.

Reception fees in London are 6.5k or more in many South West and North London schools

I don't have children, and I don't know if I will be able to.

My sibling has a child.
Our parents are very supportive of their (only) grandchild. Both with their time and with their money. I am happy about this!
I love my sibling. I love my nephew.

My parents are very supportive of me, too.
I know that if I will ever have a child, they will be supportive of that child, too.

This sounds fairly reasonably priced for private school fees in London

You really need to start working on yourself that you are NOT planning to provide care for them when they need it. They're throwing all their money and effort at your brother, he can do the same when the time comes.
Yes, it's their money to do as they please, but it'll also be your time to do as you please. Just really start telling yourself you don't owe them.

You sound like a 15 year old jealous teenager.
These girls are your parents grandchildren . Why shouldn't they help with school fees if they want to?
The only thing that seems to interest you is getting your sticky little fingers on your parents money.
You're going to be really upset when the grandchildren are left something in your parents wills aren't you?

i get why you're upset about it, it's like your parents contributing to your brother and SIL having a perfect life when they don't really need it.

But it's a benefit for your you N&N, which is probably why your parents do it and don't feel it's unfair.

I'll say something quite harsh here though. It's not your concern unless you had kids too and they weren't doing the same, but, if my brother earnt 150k a year, had a wife with a decent job a huge inheritance and no mortgage i'd not consider him much of a man if he was tapping £1000 from my parents every month too. I'd far rather he asked my parents to either put it in a fund for the grandkids when they get older or ask them to work less.

Only my opinions though, all families are different,

I think you have a right to be a bit irritated at their over the top generosity towards a niece. Not on really IMHO.

Your parents obviously value private education, it's why they sent you.
I don't think their gifts to their grandchildren should be swayed by your brother's wife's inheritance.

It's not your money, it's theirs and you've already benefited from its privilege, but you want them to pay towards your mortgage as a working adult?