Parents contributing to nieces’ school fees

You would contemplate doing this????

Maybe you underestimate your parents' desire to give their grandchildren the same privileged start they gave you? They're at a stage they can afford to contribute to their grandchildren's education.

It may also reduce the amount of tax they have to pay.

Sounds like you're worried you won't get an equal sum, or that there won't be much left for your own children (if you decide to have them at some point)?
If so, there's nothing you can do, it's their money and if they feel their grandaughters' education is a worthier cause than your mortgage, that's up to them. Yes it's unfair, but your brother has children and you don't as yet. It's not as if they paid off his mortgage then declined to pay off yours.

I know that your parents can spend their money as they wish OP, but I am totally with you on this, it's not fair! However, depending on what sort of relationship you have with your parents, I'd be inclined to actually talk to them, and tell them how you feel. My parents would have been mortified if one of us had been upset by something like this, and would have given serious thought to how they could even things up. You shouldn't be penalised because you may decide against having children, and if I were your parent in this situation, I would be giving you the same amount each month, to help you with your mortgage. Then if your brother kicked off about that, they could simply say, we believe it's right to treat you both fairly, so if we're giving you £1,000 a month, then it's only right to do the same for your sister. Maybe it hasn't even crossed their minds how unfair this situation is, so my advice would be to talk to them, but only you know whether they're the sort of parents who would understand your point of view.

Not quite standing on their own feet if you are paying for their children's education, which is probably the single biggest outgoing if someone has several children. I have a friend whose parents are doing this for all their grandchildren and they have spent £1million to date and they still have a few years to go. They also bought each of their children five bedroom houses in West London. My friend is a lovely person but, by her own admission, ridiculously disconnected from the real world. We are (non-inherited) wealthy but I don't want my children to be like this. They can pay their own school fees if they decide to privately educate.

I understand your feelings op. It's not equal to you (Perhaps bc you don't have kids) and after her inheriting so many millions it seems pretty crazy. They can afford to school the kids on their own.

Incorrect. I live near one in North Yorkshire that is £7,500 per term. Very, very fancy place

I agree with the above post. You and your brother seem entitled to your parents money. Seems weird it's even a discussion in your family.

@avarcas not if it's wrapped into a trust.

Our adult DC do stand on their own feet. They work extremely hard and have made good choices. They are also fortunate.

But it's easing life and finances for the brother's household.

If bro had to stump up the school fees on his own, presumably he'd have to cut back somewhere - holidays, savings, housing, etc.

If the kids are minor dependents you really can't say that cash spent on them doesn't benefit the brother.

But why should OP have to bear children in order to get some assistance?

I get your hurt, OP. And would have a hard time not becoming withdrawn from the lot of them.

Bit harsh but…you give the impression that your parents have raised two pretty entitled “children”.

No I didn't. I just believe that letting your adult DC stand on their own feet is more important than finding ways to avoid paying taxes. In any case, if you die within seven years, it has to be paid back unless it is within the £3k per year transfer allowance.

When people start arguing about money it just splits the family up, is it worth it?

They should be giving you the same. You ate missing out and it cuts out of your inheritance. If your DB earns 150k, he doesn't need help with school fees.

@Avarcas I think you missed my first sentence "school fee trusts are an efficient vehicle to save inheritance tax".

At what point do you let your DC stand on their own two feet? You paid for their private schooling. Are they not capable of leveraging that head start into earning enough to find their own school fees?

I do get why you feel that way, but it is your parent's money to spend as they wish. Also, many people prioritize education (clearly your parents do, given that they sacrificed to send you and your brother to private school). And, as others have said, they seem to view their grandchildren as separate entities to their children.

My dad's will splits things evenly between my brother (two children) and I (no children) but before that, my dad will have spent considerably more on my brother's family than on me. And my grandparents spent unevenly between my aunt/mom (and between grandchildren within each family) based on what people needed - I stayed in the public school system (North American usage of the term) but it was felt that my brother would benefit from a private school (not because he was a boy, to be clear) and my grandparents helped, in part, fund that. I never thought to ask either my parents or grandparents for the equivalent money spent on my brother's education (and he went to a very expensive private school).

Meh. It's their choice.

My mother never worked. My father had a good white-collar job, but with three children, money was very tight. I was the youngest, and by all accounts a surprise.

I very much felt I tagged on to the end of everything. The middle sibling has a mass of complicated disabilities and mental health needs, thus I soon became what I now know to be the "glass child".

The older sibling was bailed out financially many times by my parents.

I, on the other hand, managed to find my own way through adult life, and I've worked since I was 16. I have no children.

The childhood I lost due to my middle sibling needing so much care is something I have to internalise and deal with, end of story.

I also couldn't give two hoots about the money the older sibling has had, because I didn't need it and anyway, it was none of my business.

What really did boil my blood was a comment from said older sibling, who was massively put out that my mother (and later father, once retired) would look after my dogs several times a week. I still don't know where that came from, and it wasn't as if my dogs treated my parents like s**t either, unlike said sibling.

The thing I don't understand though from the OP is why the mother has disclosed any of this information. That was careless.

Parents have every right to dispose of their money as they wish, including favouring one child over the other, yes. And OP has every right to feel whatever she is feeling about it.

What’s so hard to understand? The brother is not his children, they are separate beings. The GP are contributing X towards their grand children directly, the same doesn’t need to be spent on OP to “make it fair” between OP and the brother.
Should the grandparents need to split £100 between the brothers birthday, his wife and the two grand children’s birthdays because they spent £100 on the OP in some over the top notion of fairness?

Trusts for school fees are an efficient vehicle to save tax and for inheritance planning. They may have agreed to help with the fees now but to leave less to yiur dbro later so that your shares are equal.

Your dbro finds himself in a favourable position regarding his mortgage. That has absolutely nothing to do with you.

If you have dc later, your parents may well do the same for you/your children.

Our DC were both privately educated. We will help with school fees. If one child doesn't have children, they won't need help with school fees.

For those saying "yah boo don't provide them with care later" that's a silly thing to say. Most people who are very comfortable don't need help with care - they have occupational pensions/investments from which it can be funded.

I think you are being very entitled and very unreasonable.

you know an awful lot about who will be paying what towards schools fees and you comment

' but my mortgage is more than the cost of their school fees and I earn less. '

you are married - and not one word about what your husband earns and what he contributes to your mortgage.

clearly the education of your nieces/nephews is important to their parents and each set of their grandparents

just like it was important to your parents when you and your brother went to school.

are parents no longer allowed to spend their money as they wish ?
or are you just greedy / jealous.

Wha??

If your DB is mortgage free with an income of £150k+ he shouldn't be taking handouts from his parents.
Sending his kids to private schools and expecting grandparents to pay 50% is outrageous and he should be paying himself.