To have expected DP to come and be with me? *trigger warning baby loss*

For....?

Jesus christ. Dump him.

You should show him some sympathy and empathy? For what? 😂

I'm sorry OP, that must have been really hard to hear and deal with, he really seems very unsupportive x

OP, this relationship is going nowhere and you are wasting your time.
He is suiting himself.
Thankfully you don't live with him.
Focus on other relationships and dump him.

@pinkstripeycat for work grief? Hmmm. Vet and solicitor. So I think foot and mouth maybe. And a murder which meant I was away for days. Generally speaking we would support each other via many personal things but I cannot think of a scenario other than above where I would have said more than bad day. The support would come from colleagues and the general work community and friends.

as I say though due to being rural people would be more easily identifiable so less said better. Worked for us this far.

How awful op. X

a few years ago before we lived together a child at my school went missing. Police involved in search etc was various concerning factors that made it high risk. After speaking on phone my partner immediately jumped in car and came to me.

I don't think you are unreasonable to expect some level of support. Whether it's even a phone call with clear plan to do something the next day and regular message check ins until then.

(Child missing from school was found safe and well btw)

That’s a strange marriage. No support from or for either of you……

I dont think it is either, it's not identifiable

We rarely debrief outside of the rarities situations like maternal cardiac arrest, as unfortunately neonatal death isn't 'that' rare.

Have a chat with you supervisor and definitely fellow students, they'll likely have felt in a v similar way, you should be able to get free counselling through work or uni too

Just want to add that you can contact your uni tutor/support if you're not getting a debrief on placement. This should be done as standard

I think you absolutely should be able to depend on your other half for support when you’re upset about anything. Your boyfriend has let you down.

I do agree with @AstonMartha on this one. I think you’ve overshared on a public forum and should ask for deletion. If this was my situation I wouldn’t want it to be shared, anonymised or not, on a forum of this scale. I’m sorry that it’s been so upsetting for you and I’m not minimising your distress. You do a wonderful role and I can’t imagine being there. You absolutely need to talk this through with your colleagues or any help you can get from work.

I'm so sorry OP that sounds grim 😢 dealing with your first stillbirth isn't a bad day at work, it's a traumatic experience - I hope you've got good supervision at work who will support you while you process such a tough experience.

As to your partner, did you explicitly ask him to come and be with you? If he didn't leave the pub and his friends to come and be with you, he's putting his own desire to have a fun night over your need for some comfort and support 😔 I'd be questioning whether you will be able to rely on him in tough times in the future. Maybe you need to have an honest conversation with him about how this has made you feel.

@AstonMartha what an unpleasant post. OP has posted nothing identifying and there's no reason for her not to seek support here. You need to spend less time judging this OP and more time working on your empathy.

On another note - when I started my training I was told 10% of you will quit, 10% will get pregnant 10% will split up from your partner/get divorced how did they know 100% of you could even get pregnant?

Yeah I kind of get it too. It's Saturday night you "pencilled in" some time but if you cancelled he's then left with nothing to do. While I don't do football myself I do understand it's an important event for many. So I agree with @Londonrach1 what's he like normally? If you have a tough day and then see him how does he react?

Your on and off for 5 years also is of note, does he ditch you when the going gets tough?

And @avarteayaya you do an amazing job, thank you 💜

The only person you can rely on is you.
So do that. Do what you would normally do to de-stress yourself after a shit day/week.
He isn't going to do that now. He may never prioritise you.
After 5 years you may have a better idea of what he usually brings to your table.

As is often the case, the first response is spot on.

Look: he’s an asshole. He doesn’t even like you that much. Five years in to this half hearted relationship where he prefers a piss up at the pub to rubbing your feet and bringing you a cup of tea? Come on!

5 years in to a good relationship you should be past the early romance and in a steady, powerful, supportive relationship. Five years in I was newly married and the relationship, now at 34 years, was deepening.

Don’t let anyone shame you for wanting support from your boyfriend. If you can’t get that from bf—yes even in england and even where footy is concerned—throw him out and get someone who is crazy about you.

Have you had any supervision on placement today?
When are you next due in?

I understand that you need support but worry that your post is inappropriate. As a nurse I understand the need to offload but I couldn’t post my experiences on here.
A mother has lost her baby and you’ve posted on a parenting site.
If I were you I would report your post.

One thing I will say, as a midwife, your partner, your family, your non midwifery friends will not get it - you will get your support from those within, either your cohort or others within the midwifery family (and if you want to message me please do)

On another note - when I started my training I was told 10% of you will quit, 10% will get pregnant 10% will split up from your partner/get divorced

All that said - he doesn't sound like a partner - he may have been the person you were sleeping with occasionally but he's no partner and no support to you

Did you get a debrief at work? Or offered one in the future days, I generally find them invaluable when I've had an awful day at work with something.

To comment on the other part of your post, I'm an Emergency nurse and see a lot of traumatic things, I’m pretty stoic now after 10 years but my husband has always dropped everything to be with me after a traumatic event/day at work and supported me no end, even when we didn't live together (and he lived 90 mins away) he would drive to support me. You need that in this type of job and he should have supported you. Your wellbeing should be more important than friends and the pub. Sorry 🤍

I'm sorry for what you've gone through, I'm an obs anaesthetist and it doesn't really get easier 10y on. Feel free to message me if you want to rant at how crap life is (I've had a run of awful cases too)

Def rubbish of him but try to focus on you bath/cheesy film/early night/light a candle for the baby