Background. I've a weird realtionship with my mum which, looking back, involved me walking on eggshells and her seeming to think I'm a bit of an idiot.
now im married to my lively DH and we have a 2 year old son. I always wanted to be a mum and try to be the best mother I can be. I don't see my mum very frequently but when I do she literally never has anything nice to say about how I look after my child.
We went to stay with her recently and my son was a bit funny with her as he hasn't seen her in a while. He wouldn't go to her and she started seeming annoyed, pulling faces or making a fake crying noise when he started to get a bit upset if he thought I was leaving the room. I tried to just ignore it as I didn't want an argument and we are leaving soon. She kept saying how I was 'never like that' and was I sure there wasn't something 'wrong with him'? (SEN). As it happens, I have no concerns and neither does his health visitor or his nursery.
I have been making my own little breakfast bars with oats, mashed banana, peanut butter etc etc and she saw them sitting on the side, cooling. I thought it was a good, healthy way to get some fruit and fibre into him. She asked what they were and I explained. She pulled a face and said 'it looks like a pile of crap'. For some reason I froze and felt my eyes fill with tears and I just walked out of the room so she wouldn't see me crying. I felt a bit embarrassed about my little bars.
Ds has been practising nursery rhymes with me and in nursery and can do a really cute version of 'Twinkle Twinkle'. I started singing with him to see if he would do it for my mum. He didnt but was very into his toys at the time. He was very excitable that days and afterwards, i mentioned to mum that he had been quite hyper that evening. She pulled a face and said 'do you know what his problem is? Far too much stimulation. Constantly singing songs and talking to him. Is it any wonder he is wired to the moon?'
She keeps trying to give him chocolate and I'd prefer he just gets a treat after he has had enough fruit and veg for the day. There isn't a ban on treats but I'd rather he had some chopped apple or strawberries first. Part of this is that he is prone to constipation and when I said that she said 'well you can just give him a laxative then'. I explained that I think it's better for a child to get their fibre from real fruit and veg first, and then use a laxative only if that didn't work. She just looked at me like I had ten heads.
I'd also rather he just enjoyed water and didn't get accustomed to squash, partially because I have a weird reaction to the sweeteners in squash and would just rather he preferred water. I decided to let it go and go with the flow a bit more but it's just glass after glass of strong squash. I said can you just give him water and she said 'it's not right to give children water' and she makes a big deal out of how 'yucky' water is ("mean mummy" etc)
Ds started to warm up to her and was making us fake ice creams. I did the whole 'oh yum, vanilla, my favourite etc etc'. He gave her an imaginary ice cream and she said 'am I supposed to pretend to eat this? I don't do that'. Ds didn't notice but I thought it was totally weird and made excuses to go and give him a bath.
I asked him if he wanted to go to the park or stay inside with toys a few days ago, and she said it was clear I never told him no and he had far too much choice (absolutely not true!!!). Then the following day I was very firm with him about something and she said 'didn't mummy use a horrible, mean voice with you'.
She does this thing where she ruffles his hair for longer than necessary and he really doesn't like it. I can see him wincing and pulling his shoulders up. I told her that he doesn't seem to like that and she said 'oh for God's sake, you are far too fussy with him!' I actually don't think I'm too fussy, I can just see that he really dislikes that. My mother in law never annoys me with any way she interacts with my child, in fact she is great and he is much more relaxed around her. So its not me being the impossible to please precious first time mum.
My mum seems to really resent every time I try my best to be a good mum. It seems to really, really bother her. I thought she would be proud of me for being a good mum; strangers have literally come up to me to say things like 'I just saw you with your child and you're so loving towards him, it's lovely to see' etc. Why oh why does it bother her so much? She has form for absolutely going off on one and I want to get through the next few days without a fall out. However my instincts are saying that this isn't normal and I need to rethink our relationship and visiting arrangements for the next time.
I've always has an odd relationship with her but thought that she would see me in a new light when I had kids and not see me like a silly little girl any more, but she seems to absolutely despise me now! I know I need to re evaluate things and to be honest I'm absolutely gutted to finally realise who my mother actually really is.
Wibu to reduce contact further if this continues?